OP, I would consider being treated for your own anxiety. It may be caused by situational factors, but since those can't be changed immediately, address it. Put your own oxygen mask on so you can function optimally.

That your spouse has mental illness and at least 1 child may have it or a combo of mental illness/autism is very stressful. Put your own oxygen mask on FIRST by getting medication and support from NAMI. Your child's behavior may end up following a similar pattern to DH. Get information and targeted support.

NAMI is your tribe. Do the FTF course online, go to a support group. You don't have to say anything, so you don't need to worry that what you say will be reported, see?

Anonymous wrote:OP

I am in panic mode. In my state everyone is mandated reporter when it comes to child abuse. And child abuse can be deemed witnessing something distressing.

My spouse suffers from mental illness.

I had signed up for NAMI events and decided to pull out since they told me everyone could be mandated reporter

If I go to a DV shelter it’s the same thing.

And I really need to figure out a plan first.

It’s a catch 22.

OP, you need to calm down and snap out the catastrophizing/paralysis loop you are in. NAMI is a great idea. You do not need to SAY anything, you can take IN information. That information likely applies not only to your spouse but also the child who has a pending neuropsych. The family to family course is online, start there. Then attend a support group in your area. Again, what you share is up to you.

Second, do you work full time in a job that can support you and the kids? If not, focus efforts there IMMEDIATELY. Have a short, medium and long range plan to increase income.

Third, is DH being treated for mental illness? His doctor may not be able to share info with you without consent, but YOU can share info with them about ongoing erratic behavior, irritability, etc.

Fourth, until the financial piece is solid, walk away, deescalate, etc. to manage the situation to the extent you are able to do so. How much does DH interact with the kids? Is he home much? I'd try to create parallel schedules as much as possible. I'm not saying you are responsible for his behavior, but until you can economically support yourself and the kids do what you can to stabilize the situation until then. Since DH won't change without proper treatment, work around him.

Having action steps will also help your anxiety. Good luck!