Anonymous wrote:I’m lucky enough to be married to a guy who could afford for me to stay at home but who left the decision up to me given I had a successful career. As a mother of three I did make some career decisions to give me more flexibility and a better work/life balance but they were my decisions, not his. He knew it was important for me to work but he also knew that our children were my priority. It helped that he was a great and engaged father.

Children should be a family priority not a female priority with and "engaged father". You sound ridiculous with this and "I'm lucky enough to be married to a guy who can afford for me to stay home". WTF is it his role to afford you like a commodity. Well, girl, you are objectifying yourself. I don't know what to tell you, except, we (humans) upgrade our 'objects' when they get old. I'm renovating my wonderful (older) CC home this summer and just upgraded my car to a newer sleeker model. Don't think for a second that's not your future if this is your dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

Agree this OP is so regressive. In other countries women are grateful to have opportunities that prior generations didn't.

Many people in the United States never had the opportunity to take care of their own children. There’s a whole demographic who only experienced life through the lens of constant work.

This is true for many minorities and can be true for lower income whites as well.

In that context the opportunity to take care of your body and your own children can feel very revolutionary.

+10000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

But men don't get pregnant and give birth. I think people really underestimate how big of a deal it is for women to have kids. I did, before I had them. Now I totally understand why a woman would want a man like described.

Motherhood is labor in a way fatherhood isn't. Unless that changes, these gender disparities will persist.

This. Especially in this country, which is a huge outlier in regards to the (very small) typical maternity leave, marrying a man who is willing to support the family while the kids are very young is a huge gift. My husband did it and me and the kids certainly benefitted.

I started working PT when they were 1.5 and then about 20-30 hours when they entered preschool.

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

Well yes, but they get half his retirement when they divorce. I agree women should at least work part time but not because of retirement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Ever Gen Z I know have great jobs and education and have no intention of living off the dole... but they do expect H's to be 50/50. All the ones with children had H who took 3-6 months paternity and are equal partners in parenting.

Wrong country! We don't have the dole!

Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

Be worth it. Learn how to keep house and raise children. Getting a degree in a child care field helps.

Why on Earth would you dream of needing to be a wage slave? Obviously people not needing to work is ideal.

Guys in their 20s/30s who are pushing hard for wife to SAH and pop out babies quickly are weird in the day & age. Usually have massive control issues and unhealthy relationship with their own mother. It's sketchy AF. It almost feels dangerous, because it puts the wife in a position where she is utterly dependent on her DH. I know husbands like this and I'm always giving a bit of side-eye.

There's a big difference between the scenario above and guys who are open to their DW staying home, but not demanding of it. At the end of the day, its a two-party decision where both spouses have equal say and there's no pushiness. This feels more balanced.

If you marry and have kids later in life (mid to late 30s), it seems they are less likely to SAH. They already have good career and set in their ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you have your own retirement savings. So many women I know were SAHMs until divorce happened.

You should get half of his retirement savings in a divorce. The bigger issue would be lack of current income.

People live a long time. 1/2 retirement is not enough to live on/retire on for a woman in her 50s faced with entering the job market for the first time in over 25 years.

I have a parent in assisted living. You have no idea how expensive those places are--my mom can afford it on her own retirement + my dad's pension after he died. I can't imagine how women left stranded could make retirement/old age work...it's of epidemic proportions--elderly care and lack of housing and the astronomical expense. Americans are ill-prepared.

This. My mom retired in her mid-50s, and is divorced. Her current income consists of Social Security and a very small pension. She has moderate Alzheimer's and is not capable of living independently. We tried having her live with us and it was unsustainable, so we moved her to memory care, using her life savings to pay the nearly $8,000 per month cost. Now that her money's gone, we are applying for assistance from the state so that she can continue living in her current memory care. She's nearly 83 years old and has no health issues aside from the Alzheimer's so she could easily live like this for another decade. She just can't understand why I can't just upend my family and my career and devote myself to caring for her. Growing older in the US can be terrifying even if you plan for it - not planning for it at all and relying on someone else to provide for you is insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminist Genx boomer stuff is dying out , it was a lie And caused the dusk income trap

Tell that to the GenX gray divorces I'm seeing with the SAHMs left with bread crumbs in their 50s-60s.

Trad wifes will see it in 20 years and then half to get their *sses out to compete with workers more than 1/2 their age for entry level jobs.

Half their age and twice their experience!

I’m getting divorced and DH still wants me to be able to stay home with the kids and is paying me lifetime alimony.

I mean, my dream is for neither of us to have to work.
But lol to "generous and masculine"

Anonymous wrote:Are there women out there that have the same dream for their men? Because I don’t love going to the office every day, and would happily have the choice not to.

I am amazed at how old-fashioned Americans sense of gender roles are compared with my home country.

But men don't get pregnant and give birth. I think people really underestimate how big of a deal it is for women to have kids. I did, before I had them. Now I totally understand why a woman would want a man like described.

Motherhood is labor in a way fatherhood isn't. Unless that changes, these gender disparities will persist.

My father-in-law worked two jobs his whole life and at our wedding, his only advice to my DH is “don’t make her get a job”. I think it’s cultural. I stayed home with the children when they were young, and work part-time now when they are in school. But my DH still pays all the bills, he basically says my paycheck is mine to do with whatever (it’s not much, I put it into my retirement savings).

Anonymous wrote:I’m listening to the Happiest Girls podcast by Cate Kulcsar who is a TikToker. She had her husband on the podcast who is a young man. 30 years old or so and who proposed to her when he was 27? He said that his dream is that his wife didn’t need to work but could if she wanted to and to make herself happy. He would like her to have the space and ability to take care of their kids and herself when she’s pregnant.

…like what??? How are there such masculine and generous men out there??? Obviously in this case, he was snatched up so quickly!

How can I find a man like that?

Yeah! Masculine and generous and controlling and misogynistic!

How can you find one? Hit your local mega church.