I am on the other side of this. I reach out to friends and family and did throughout COVID. You would be surprised at how many people didn't respond or slowly stopped responding. I used to bring treats to so many people at Christmas or on their birthdays, but I have mostly stopped because it seems so many people want to be left alone. I have some really good friends who I will be there for during times of need, but I have lost touch with many too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

The problem with “building community” is that most people want the same few spots, and won’t be satisfied with “just being included” after a certain point. I’ve been on both sides, btw.

This is because most "communities" are just large cliques with social hierarchies, and the vast majority of people in the community are meant to provide support for the people at the top of the hierarchy, but then deal with their own problems without support. Of course everyone wants the "spots" at the top of the hierarchy-- otherwise you are being exploited.

In actual, no scare quote community (rare but does exist through certain religious communities, immigrant communities, etc.) there is a moral imperative to help even the least popular and well liked members. It's more common in religious groups because of the sense of morality being imposed.

Of course people are upset when they think (and have been told) they are part of a community, and then realize those people only care about them insofar as they are giving support and never if they are asking to receive it. It's an inherently bad system that takes advantage of people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

I value every human life, whether I know them or not. You're wrong.

Your value doesn't translate to any substance.

It would if I knew you.

You do know them. You’ve just met in this thread. Drop an email address so that you can further this friendship and get together.

I have a very small circle of people who really care about me OP and it does make me sad especially as one of them unexpectedly passed away a few years ago. My parents are deceased so it is now DH, my kids, a sister, a niece and a nephew, and 1 close friend who is like a sibling to me. I am not close with aunts, uncles or cousins that I didn’t grow up around and only saw on the occasional holiday. I have lots of friends and acquaintances that fulfill other needs in my life but they are not the ones that are super close.

Just adding a thought OP. Consider your intentions. If your aunt and uncle were to meet you by coming back a day early, were you expecting them to host you at their home? Provide the meals and entertainment for your family including your children?

As adults you have to consider what your intentions are and how those are interpreted by others.

It becomes more of a chore for elderly people to entertain and feed than it was when they were younger. You seem to be hyperfocused on them perhaps 20 + years ago and not taking into account who they are today.

What were you expecting from them? What are you expecting others to do for you?

Then, consider what you are doing for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

This is how I can tell you’re a woman.

It’s quite simple. Nobody cares.

Get over yourself and stop being a little btch.

Wow, you’re a real jerk.

There's a lot of that on this thread. Maybe all the same poster but seems like more than one.

It's pitiful, that someone would spend their Saturday afternoon anonymously attacking a lonely person online.

I've seen similar responses in other threads. I think it's either a SN individual or a bored teenager.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

This is how I can tell you’re a woman.

It’s quite simple. Nobody cares.

Get over yourself and stop being a little btch.

Wow, you’re a real jerk.

There's a lot of that on this thread. Maybe all the same poster but seems like more than one.

It's pitiful, that someone would spend their Saturday afternoon anonymously attacking a lonely person online.

But it’s not wrong. American women are the most spoiled brats on earth. They go through life living on easy mode compared to the rest of the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.

I agree with this, to an extent. The Great Depression changed my grandparents permanently. It seems reasonable that the pandemic and shutdowns would change some people permanently - but there are several people on this site who strenuously argue otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

This is how I can tell you’re a woman.

It’s quite simple. Nobody cares.

Get over yourself and stop being a little btch.

Wow, you’re a real jerk.

There's a lot of that on this thread. Maybe all the same poster but seems like more than one.

It's pitiful, that someone would spend their Saturday afternoon anonymously attacking a lonely person online.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

This is how I can tell you’re a woman.

It’s quite simple. Nobody cares.

Get over yourself and stop being a little btch.

Wow, you’re a real jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is so sweet. Thank you. I wish you knew who I was too...

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

This is how I can tell you’re a woman.

It’s quite simple. Nobody cares.

Get over yourself and stop being a little btch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.

Great post and very accurate regarding shifts. I wish I could better grasp what happened to us, but "shift" is the best way of conceptualizing it. My daughter is gone, too and I would be surprised if she returned. Covid did something mental to a lot of people.

It wasn’t just Covid - it just exposed everything. We live in a very individualistic society that is fueled by late stage capitalism. The trick is to finding people and communities who reject individualism and embrace community ( not in words, but in action). I would also suggest stop putting effort with those who don’t reciprocate - it’s wasted energy. The people I have found who are the least selfish are those who are interested in global issues and realizing everything is connected. I have a large community of those people but it’s been through community activism and organizing.