Deerfield mum of 2: Thank you for your insight. The same phenomenon is playing out at boarding schools here. The self segregation is real and impacts community. Our son’s city day/boarding school has just put a 2-yr circuit breaker pause on the pipeline while they create a strategy to address better integration. The school requires all Year 9 boys to live at their bush campus and it has a rigorous physical/outdoor ed/teambuilding curriculum for five months. This is where the mismatch was insanely apparent. My son will attend this and finish in June, then head to the US to start Year 9 from scratch (seasonal misalignment). Would love to find a cultural melting pot with real integration.

Wouldn’t all rowing be varsity? He would love a competitive program with enough kids who take it seriously that a few boats can race each other during practices. He’s just really into it and needs 7+ 1 other guys to make it happen. And we would love easy/on campus river access. Not excited about being bussed to the boatshed if it can be avoided.

I think Exeter sounds too big? Current school is 225 per Year. It’s working okay for him, but can feel a little too big. St. Andrew’s looks great but might be small? Definitely applying anyhow. Of the schools you mentioned, are any a bit more relaxed? He’s a very solid student with solid mental health to match. I feel protective of all kids’ mental health these days. I guess what I am looking for is high personal standards but not high collective pressure. To each his own with regards to how success is defined.

What questions do you suggest I ask to get a real sense of culture? On You Tube, they all make similar claims. No surprise. I would love to know what features of Deerfield you think are standout.

And they all have low admission rates. He might need to apply to multiple and the choice gets made for us? So casting a wide net.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want stability during possible future transfers, decent academics, friendly enough kids and rowing. Do you think your child’s university destination is US, UK or Australia? It might matter and it might not. A higher stress school academically may not have the same impact on a student who is not gunning for the top ten US college destinations. If your kid is t pulled into that frenzy, he may be able to just enjoy the offerings of more schools. A place that is isnt too small offered the possibility of having more friend groups.

Interesting. I hadn’t thought very hard yet about the uni process. He’s 13 and still discovering interests. I would prefer Australia because it is much, much more affordable and our family will return home eventually. But we will likely let him chart his own course. I wouldn’t rule out the US if he decides that is what he wants.

Are you suggesting the bigger schools generally have more pressure or less? The idea of a wider social circle is appealing and we love that great schools in the US are coed. Much healthier for all.

I would think the university pressure in big schools would hamper relationships as (correct me if I misunderstand) the kids are competing directly with their classmates? I just looked up entry to UNSW and U Sydney if coming from the US. Looks like a 1400+ SAT would put him in the ballpark, depending on the course. That would take some pressure away. Can’t imagine his classmates would be dying to go. Lol.

What do you think is an ideal size for a boarding school? There seems to be a huge variation.

You mean affordable for college? What about after college? Housing costs are much higher and white collar wages are much lower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dying that the person who wrote this: "billionaire alpha spawn who let you know the minute you walk in the door that the fix is in: They have it all sewn up, and you are there as window dressing to fill out the high school so they can hoover up all the awards and college placements."
about children wants to make sure no one is mean to their most kindest precious baby.

The same American who shared that gem also warned me that some Americans can be humorless and that the very thing that would inspire a person to buy you a drink (we prize an ability to laugh at oneself and situations in a lighthearted way) and have a laugh at the pub will leave people oddly riled up in the States.

As for “nice kids”, what we are looking for is the sort of people who are kind, fun to be with, enjoy life and don’t take everything so seriously. As I said, I’m keeping an open mind. Another trait we value.

Some people of every nationality/culture can be humorless. I don't think that's a very American trait.

--Brit

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taft is located right on a river do you can row right there, without traveling to a boathouse.

No school is going to be all nice kids. Because boarding is a relatively rare choice in the US, and extremely expensive, the families tend to be atypical in some way (affluence usually). Or unusual family situation/structure. But of course those kids can still be nice.

This isn't really true at all. Did your kids go to boarding school? This might be the perception but not the reality.

My spouse went, my relatives went, young relatives attend now. My spouse’s boarding school friends are nice people (mostly) but down to a one they are from extremely rich families and/or have unusual backgrounds (parents overseas or dead, things like that). My spouse included. I’m sure there are families who do not meet that description but many do.

Anecdotes are not data. Like attracts like....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want stability during possible future transfers, decent academics, friendly enough kids and rowing. Do you think your child’s university destination is US, UK or Australia? It might matter and it might not. A higher stress school academically may not have the same impact on a student who is not gunning for the top ten US college destinations. If your kid is t pulled into that frenzy, he may be able to just enjoy the offerings of more schools. A place that is isnt too small offered the possibility of having more friend groups.

Interesting. I hadn’t thought very hard yet about the uni process. He’s 13 and still discovering interests. I would prefer Australia because it is much, much more affordable and our family will return home eventually. But we will likely let him chart his own course. I wouldn’t rule out the US if he decides that is what he wants.

Are you suggesting the bigger schools generally have more pressure or less? The idea of a wider social circle is appealing and we love that great schools in the US are coed. Much healthier for all.

I would think the university pressure in big schools would hamper relationships as (correct me if I misunderstand) the kids are competing directly with their classmates? I just looked up entry to UNSW and U Sydney if coming from the US. Looks like a 1400+ SAT would put him in the ballpark, depending on the course. That would take some pressure away. Can’t imagine his classmates would be dying to go. Lol.

What do you think is an ideal size for a boarding school? There seems to be a huge variation.

Mom with 2 kids who graduated boarding schools here. I'd suggest you be wary of advice from anyone who hasn't sent their kids to boarding schools (or been themselves) in the last 10 yrs. I've seen a bit of misinformation about boarding schools on these threads, most of it unintentional but a lot of it just malicious. FWIW I posted earlier in your thread (recommended Deerfield). Unfortunately, the need for crew limits your choices quite a bit. Does it have to be a varsity sport?

There is no ideal size other than the one that suits you best. There are advantages all around in different ways. Ask about the percentage of international students at every school, and then specifically for a country breakdown. This is important because China in particular is flooding (or trying) the US Boarding schools, and most of the schools have a cut off. If the numbers or percentage is very high, it makes for a very different experience since the Chinese students really (understandably, but still) stick together. Both of my kids (and the kids of friends) have found that to be the case at every school. I know someone is going to call me a racist for mentioning this to you but it's true. An admissions officer at one of the HADES told me they could fill the entire school with kids from China if they wanted to--all full pay and sky high stats. They are interviewed and screened by AOs in China before they can even come here for tours/admissions process. Anyway....

My kids did not like Exeter due to its size, it's quite large and feels like a college rather than a boarding school/high school. It's a fantastic school though. You really have to try to visit them to see. If you have specific questions I can try to help. Schools I have been to or my kids attended: Deerfield, Groton, Northfield Mt Herman, Governor's Academy, St.George's, Tabor, Taft, Brooks, Holderness, Exeter, Choate.

Anonymous wrote:You want stability during possible future transfers, decent academics, friendly enough kids and rowing. Do you think your child’s university destination is US, UK or Australia? It might matter and it might not. A higher stress school academically may not have the same impact on a student who is not gunning for the top ten US college destinations. If your kid is t pulled into that frenzy, he may be able to just enjoy the offerings of more schools. A place that is isnt too small offered the possibility of having more friend groups.

Interesting. I hadn’t thought very hard yet about the uni process. He’s 13 and still discovering interests. I would prefer Australia because it is much, much more affordable and our family will return home eventually. But we will likely let him chart his own course. I wouldn’t rule out the US if he decides that is what he wants.

Are you suggesting the bigger schools generally have more pressure or less? The idea of a wider social circle is appealing and we love that great schools in the US are coed. Much healthier for all.

I would think the university pressure in big schools would hamper relationships as (correct me if I misunderstand) the kids are competing directly with their classmates? I just looked up entry to UNSW and U Sydney if coming from the US. Looks like a 1400+ SAT would put him in the ballpark, depending on the course. That would take some pressure away. Can’t imagine his classmates would be dying to go. Lol.

What do you think is an ideal size for a boarding school? There seems to be a huge variation.

Anonymous wrote:St. Andrews in Delaware, Concord Academy in Concord, MA and Brewster Academy in NH.

Brewster is a disaster - AVOID. They've had terrible teacher turnover in the past few years. Unhappy teachers = unhappy school.