I don’t understand why people can’t just be more inclusive.

Inclusion is always the right answer, along with equity and diversity.

Is this a good friend of your younger son?

I wouldn’t necessarily penalize the younger boys for the older boys’ non friendship. If the younger one doesn’t care, just decline.

When my kids were in preschool, my kids would have crying fits if they couldn’t attend a party or play date. It was such a pain that if both kids weren’t invited, I would decline. In elementary, kids made their own friends and I can’t remember them ever being upset not attending other’s events. They had no overlapping sibling friends. I have one kid who is more popular than the other. More popular kid got invited to 15-20 parties per year while other one may be invited to 2-3. It didn’t seem to bother anyone.

This is weird. I probably would not send my kid and/or husband either. The small school dynamic is hard. I’d let this go then invite both of those kids to do something and really observe how the older ones get along. If they have fun, you know the parents are the issue. My oldest has ADHD and is hyperactive even with meds. They have lots of friends but I know there are parents who don’t particularly encourage friendship with my “wild” child. I don’t get involved- those kids are just school friends. It’s fine. But I would not allow parents to run it in to my child’s face by inviting a sibling only.

Anonymous wrote:My kid would be mortified if a parent to invite him but if you feel comfortable, just say Johnny can go if his brother can also go.

Op - mine would be mortified also

My kid would be mortified if a parent to invite him but if you feel comfortable, just say Johnny can go if his brother can also go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if they invited the older one, bu they aren't so move on. The kids aren't friends and as kids get older that happens.

This, I get. But to invite the brother and the dad? That does not feel like the kind of thing that happens with kind people.

They are not kind people and that's the point.

+1

I am a firm believer that not everybody needs to be invited. However, in this case, the entire family and the friend group is invited except for the older child. That is mean or clueless. I think he needs to be included or your family needs to start declining invitations. Is there a conflict between their older child and your older child that maybe you don’t know about?

Op - I truly am not saying people should generally invite people they aren’t friends with or that friendships don’t shift. I’m saying this instance just felt like it was shining such a bright light on the situation. I’m sure those kids hang out solo a ton but it’s not with the rest of our family

10 is the exact age kids shift. Welcome to the tween world. It gets worse during the teen years.