Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:27     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I left mine up for a few hours after catching him. I debated whether I should “test” him by sending him a match (to see if he’d bring it up). I left it on and open to his profile but then I decided to just confront him instead of “testing” him, which felt ridiculous. I have since deleted it. But my point to him was, I left mine up for several hrs and got tons of notifications. I feel there’s a slim chance he was unaware that his profile was on.



Immature and toxic both of you. Just be done with this guy and grow up


I understand why you are calling my behavior immature & toxic. But when I was married, I 100 percent trusted ex DH until he cheated. I never went thru his phone, email, etc. I feel like I can’t be that trusting ever again, which is why I was trying to see if my bf had an OLD profile. I only left my profile on after I found his to figure out what to do.

This is a complicated part of dating that I’m still trying to figure out — how do we draw these digital boundaries. Bf reached out again and he is swearing he left it on and forgot to delete, with no notifications that it was on. I feel so confused.

You are simply not ready for a relationship. That is reason enough to end things. You have children who should be your first priority. Anything which causes you pain, doubt and distraction is not good for you and it is bad for your kids. Scrub your OLD accounts, work on yourself and healing from your marriage and then try again.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:21     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP. we are still broken up but I’m perseverating. He has insisted over and over that he didn’t cheat, loves me, misses me. In fact he’s upset because he feels wrongly accused and is mad that I’m “investigating” him. He’s given me distance and isn’t love bombing me but has asserted he did not cheat in any way.

I just told him - it’s hard to catch actual cheating. But signs of cheating are more commonplace and can’t be ignored. If there isn’t a clear explanation… then I’m gone.

I miss him a lot and wish it didn’t end. I believe he still loves me. But I’m telling myself that some men love their partners but either like going up to the line or cross the line. Not because they are out of love, but because they can and because the opportunity is there. Sigh.


It's over, OP. Stop ruminating on it. There's no getting back together -- while he shouldn't have done that, your impulse to constantly monitor his behavior is unsustainable and toxic. This was never going to last.

You're not ready for another relationship. I hope you finding healing in therapy. Then, maybe, you might be.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:18     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
If you both have a family already, I think it’s better to keep it casual anyway.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:16     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
I’m married and didn’t live in the world of social media and online dating.

When I was first dating my boyfriend, I made a match.com profile. I think my single friend had it and I was helping her make hers. I put up a pic and got hundreds of messages like the first 2 days. It was flattering. I never met anyone and forgot about it. I remember DH, then boyfriend, finding out about it and being upset. I had barely messaged with a handful of people. He got over it and we eventually got married and had 3 kids. I dont know if those accounts expire. I may never have cancelled it.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:14     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:Due to our respective custody schedules. When we have our kids we focus on them, and see each other in our noncustodial weeks.

I should caveat that we matched on FB dating, so I knew what the original profile looked like, and knew what he changed


I'm genuinely curious how you discovered he'd changed the profile if ... well ... you weren't browsing FB Dating yourself?

Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 08:12     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I left mine up for a few hours after catching him. I debated whether I should “test” him by sending him a match (to see if he’d bring it up). I left it on and open to his profile but then I decided to just confront him instead of “testing” him, which felt ridiculous. I have since deleted it. But my point to him was, I left mine up for several hrs and got tons of notifications. I feel there’s a slim chance he was unaware that his profile was on.



Immature and toxic both of you. Just be done with this guy and grow up


I understand why you are calling my behavior immature & toxic. But when I was married, I 100 percent trusted ex DH until he cheated. I never went thru his phone, email, etc. I feel like I can’t be that trusting ever again, which is why I was trying to see if my bf had an OLD profile. I only left my profile on after I found his to figure out what to do.

This is a complicated part of dating that I’m still trying to figure out — how do we draw these digital boundaries. Bf reached out again and he is swearing he left it on and forgot to delete, with no notifications that it was on. I feel so confused.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 06:50     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the responses but my gut is that only seeing someone you are dating for a year 5-6x a month is very weird. I mean yes of course then he’s also doing something else. If you were really into someone you would be seeing them a lot more often than that


Yeah but is it that unusual if we both have kids & were not ready to merge our lives together?
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 00:42     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:I left mine up for a few hours after catching him. I debated whether I should “test” him by sending him a match (to see if he’d bring it up). I left it on and open to his profile but then I decided to just confront him instead of “testing” him, which felt ridiculous. I have since deleted it. But my point to him was, I left mine up for several hrs and got tons of notifications. I feel there’s a slim chance he was unaware that his profile was on.



Immature and toxic both of you. Just be done with this guy and grow up
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2024 00:41     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, his explanation didn’t make a lot of sense. He said he updated it when we broke up (we broke up for 2 days several months ago) and said he thought he deleted it but it stayed on. But my retort was, surely you got a ton of notifications?? I left my FB dating page up and got so many notifications within just a few hrs.


Why do posters trickle truth?
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 23:27     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Haven’t read the responses but my gut is that only seeing someone you are dating for a year 5-6x a month is very weird. I mean yes of course then he’s also doing something else. If you were really into someone you would be seeing them a lot more often than that
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 23:21     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
I’m sorry. That’s not a good sign. There is no rational explanation. You have a cheater on your hands. I suspect you’re better off leaving now be later.
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 16:22     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Sorry, OP, but good thing you recognized this. It means your picker is still a-ok. Next!
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 13:18     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Due to our respective custody schedules. When we have our kids we focus on them, and see each other in our noncustodial weeks.

I should caveat that we matched on FB dating, so I knew what the original profile looked like, and knew what he changed


Ahhhh…it’s likely why he’s divorced. Cheater


+1 million
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 13:14     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
That’s probably it. The man lives on his phone. It’s his life. I can’t imagine him not being aware. Ugh. I am moving on, albeit slowly.
Anonymous
Post 04/24/2024 13:10     Subject: Broke up with my boyfriend after finding he had an OLD account
There was not a chance he wasnt aware.. he's lying to you because he doesnt want to lose his weekly sex date.