Anonymous
Post 04/19/2024 09:21     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
I'm a teacher and we do sugarcoat things but we don't outright lie. "Your child is very bright (but needs to work on staying on task)" could mean she's a PITA and knows it, but a joy to work with can't mean much else. Just make sure there is no "but" after it.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2024 19:19     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.


I think she probably is a joy to work with. Some kids really are a joy, even though they may also be a handful at times.

This is absolutely true. I always say something positive and I never lie to parents. I will say that for a handful of kids there isn't much to say.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2024 07:44     Subject: Re:Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
I have one son who got this comment from so.many.teachers.

A few also pointed out to me that they did not say this to everybody.

My son was not necessarily attentive or a good student. But he was very loving, kind and funny. Everytime there was a student struggling with friends they would ask him to be their "buddy".

Actually, in K I asked the teacher if his all E's (exceptional) were real or was he just so nice she couldn't stand to give him a lower grade. She admitted he had problems reading.

In middle school I had 1 teacher complain that he "joked around too much" and 2 other teachers found out and asked that I tell him to only stop in that 1 class because having my son joke around was the best part of their day.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2024 06:32     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Teacher here and I only say it if I mean it.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 21:52     Subject: Re:Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I give this feedback, as a teacher, when I do not know your child very well. Which to me, means that your child is not a problem but your child is also not super smart that they stand out and I can go off of that. They are just....there. They slide under the radar but not in a bad way. They tend to have a neutral personality. They are a joy...it is pretty generic and basic.


Can’t they be both? Its not either or.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 21:46     Subject: Re:Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Honestly, I give this feedback, as a teacher, when I do not know your child very well. Which to me, means that your child is not a problem but your child is also not super smart that they stand out and I can go off of that. They are just....there. They slide under the radar but not in a bad way. They tend to have a neutral personality. They are a joy...it is pretty generic and basic.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 21:41     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
I’m a teacher and we have conferences in groups (we are departmentalized). Some teachers repeat the same things to all the parents, some don’t. There’s not a ton to say, and our classes are really small, so we do know the kids. Certain things we aren’t allowed to discuss (medication, behavioral issues) and certain things parents would be confused by (the nitty gritty of our program, which is specialized). All parents like to hear teachers speak effusively about their child.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 17:47     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
I have three children and one of them consistently, every year gets feedback that he is “a joy” and “so cheerful” and gets perfect behavior scores. The other two are very well-behaved but never get that kind of effusive feedback, so yes, assume the teachers are being honest and you have a great kid!
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 08:39     Subject: Re:Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Your child is not the only one, but definitely not every student is getting that kind of feedback. Volunteer in a classroom and you'll learn very quickly.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2024 06:39     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
I think this is really sweet feedback and would take it.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2024 10:58     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
No, they aren't saying it to everyone... but they also aren't saying it to just you.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2024 09:33     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I teach middle school, and we have to put in report card comments from a comment bank. Most kids get, “Is a pleasure to have in class,” and for the most part that’s true. If a kid is truly exceptional, I might also put, “Shows interest and enthusiasm” or “Outstanding effort in class.” If a kid is smart but annoying, they get “Understands concepts.” If a kid has issues, they get “Needs to show more self control” or “Needs to complete assignments” or “Needs to show consistent effort.”


But the teachers in the OP are saying it verbally, if I'm not mistaken.

OP, before I was a teacher I sort of wondered if teachers were blowing smoke up you know where because DD was an extremely hard child. But now that I'm a teacher I would *never* say a kid is a joy to work with or speak effusively about them if I didn't mean it. There are so many other positive things you can say about kids who don't particularly stand out or who have issues. I say things like "your child has a lot of potential but..." or "she completes assignments appropriately and stays on task," etc. There is just no reason to use words like "joy" if I they weren't truly a joy.

Does your kid have anxiety? They might be holding it in at school, or they might love the structure and positive feedback at school but then fall apart at home. This is really common, according to my child's many therapists, and you should at least feel good that your child feels safe enough to fall apart at home.


OP here. Yes, the feedback is usually verbal, though what prompted this post was her "report card" from a swimming class. In that case I do think the teacher was wanting to say something nice after identifying that she can't yet move on to the next level, but I am sure you (and PPs) are right that she probably also meant it sincerely.

You are absolutely right - my child does have anxiety. In the past she was extremely inhibited to the point of not participating. With therapy, she has come a long way.

But I agree some of the "joy" is that she is still a bit inhibited at school/activities/therapy (so she saves her stubborness for home) and has a strong desire to please. I think the other part of the "joy" though is her natural curiosity and love of learning which we do see at home.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2024 09:23     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.


I think she probably is a joy to work with. Some kids really are a joy, even though they may also be a handful at times.


+1

I have a child who is a handful at times, but he is a real joy to work with.


Is this your own child or a student? It only counts if someone else is giving the feedback a parent can't decide their own child is a joy to work with.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2024 09:19     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.


I think she probably is a joy to work with. Some kids really are a joy, even though they may also be a handful at times.


+1

I have a child who is a handful at times, but he is a real joy to work with.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2024 08:21     Subject: Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They do not say this to everyone. It means she listens well, and when she does maybe get cheeky or sassy, they are able to playfully get her back on task.

I have 2 kids. One is a joy in class and one gets feedback more like "doing well but struggles to listen to directions all the time". Guess which one is the girl and which one is the boy....


Hmm sounds like a you problem. I have a boy and I constantly hear positive feedback about him.


+1.