Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 07:54     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Skip it
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2024 00:32     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 18:37     Subject: Re:Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?


Anxiety is highly heritable. Let her stay home and make a therapist appointment for yourself. You need advice on how to help your daughter going forward.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 17:21     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:We let our kid with anxiety skip a trip in 6th grade. Why torture a child? We were switching schools anyway due to social fit.


Op said the reason her dd wants to skip is because she’s already homesick. She’s had mean girl drama this year, but that doesn’t mean that’s why this girl doesn’t want to go.

Why do you think the child is being tortured by going on a trip she was excited about a few months ago and has no legitimate reason to drop out of ? Allowing anxiety to rule choices is enabling that anxiety.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 16:57     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s later this month and final funds are due next week. (We will be out the initial deposit of $150.) They’re going to Toronto for three days. She was excited at the beginning of the year, but as it’s gotten closer, she is preemptively feeling homesick and begging not to go. She’s always been prone to homesickness and hasn’t spent the night with family in nearly a decade, and has never attended a sleepover. We were hoping the allure of a parentless trip with friends would entice her, but it seems it hasn’t. To her credit, she’s had a rough year with mean girl drama, and I wonder if that plays a role in her not feeling comfortable going.

I’m tempted to allow her to skip it. She has promised to do chores to make up the $150, and I believe her. I was never super comfortable with the idea of her going to begin with, although I can’t pinpoint the reason for my hesitation.

What do you all think? I told her I’d make up my mind this weekend.


She needs to learn that when she makes a commitment, she keeps it.


Nonsense.

Parent and child aren’t feeling good about the trip. A deposit isn’t a “commitment,” especially when it involves spending more money.

Optional activities are just that. And if the kid has issues about being away from home the “row out on the lake and toss them in” approach isn’t the right one.

Some parents seem to resent their children.


If the parent and child cannot articulate why they aren’t feeling good, it is good to interrogate whether this is anxiety taking control.

Some parents don’t seem to understand that’s it’s their job to make sure their kids can live and function independently. Preemptive homesickness is not a reason to skip the trip.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:49     Subject: Re:Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
I would sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you will not force her to go, but that you think she will likely regret it if she chooses not to go, since it will be a bonding experience with her classmates and they will come back talking about what a good time they had. But ultimately I would let it be her decision. I also agree with some of the PPs suggesting that you may want to consider therapy if her anxiety is holding her back.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:42     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
We let our kid with anxiety skip a trip in 6th grade. Why torture a child? We were switching schools anyway due to social fit.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:34     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s later this month and final funds are due next week. (We will be out the initial deposit of $150.) They’re going to Toronto for three days. She was excited at the beginning of the year, but as it’s gotten closer, she is preemptively feeling homesick and begging not to go. She’s always been prone to homesickness and hasn’t spent the night with family in nearly a decade, and has never attended a sleepover. We were hoping the allure of a parentless trip with friends would entice her, but it seems it hasn’t. To her credit, she’s had a rough year with mean girl drama, and I wonder if that plays a role in her not feeling comfortable going.

I’m tempted to allow her to skip it. She has promised to do chores to make up the $150, and I believe her. I was never super comfortable with the idea of her going to begin with, although I can’t pinpoint the reason for my hesitation.

What do you all think? I told her I’d make up my mind this weekend.


She needs to learn that when she makes a commitment, she keeps it.


Nonsense.

Parent and child aren’t feeling good about the trip. A deposit isn’t a “commitment,” especially when it involves spending more money.

Optional activities are just that. And if the kid has issues about being away from home the “row out on the lake and toss them in” approach isn’t the right one.

Some parents seem to resent their children.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:14     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:Why would you force her?


Because sometimes it’s good for us to do hard uncomfortable things.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:11     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:Skip it. Your job is to teach her to advocate for herself and she is clearly saying what she needs. I can’t imagine sending my child somewhere for three days to be possibly bullied the whole time. This is a huge thing for her and you need to have her back. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to listen to her.

-school psychologist


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:10     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she’s not just picking up on your anxiety? You need to work on that or you will pass it to her


This stood out to me in the post too. OP is uneasy about her kid going for an undefined reason. Her daughter now wants to skip for an undefined general uneasiness.

Mom and daughter need to work on their anxiety and pushing past that initial discomfort.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 15:07     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.


It's difficult to have emotional fortitude when dealing with relentless mean girls. When she made the commitment things might not have been so bad. OP don't force her to go. Let your daughter know you support her. How can you enjoy another country when you're seeing it with nasty people you can't get away from?


If there were relentless mean girls OP should said that in her post. She didn’t. Instead she assumed maybe there were mean girl issues while completely glossing over her own anxiety that she has likely passed on to her daughter.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 14:19     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
If she does not have a friend or two to hang out with it will not be fun and don't force her to go. Don't make her make up the money.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 14:16     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
I would not make her go on a 3 day overnight trip in 8th grade if she doesn't want to go. There will probably be shenanigans and drama and making out.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2024 14:08     Subject: Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?
A three day overnight when she's already having mean girl drama is a recipe for a horrible trip. let her stay home.