Anonymous wrote:OP, with these sorts of issues it is almost certain that she will never be a fully contributing partner. If she goes to the gym and is active, but can't work or go to school due to pain, that doesn't add up. The pain gets in her way when she doesn't WANT to do something.

The fact is, you know the answer. Either you accept a non-working, non-participating partner, or move on. This isn't going to get better. In fact, it will only get worse.

Totally agree with this.
Things just aren’t adding up.

A rest? Sure. With a set time limit like 3 months. And hes getting certs or additional schooling to pivot to a less physically demanding job. But all that needs to be planned out, expenses mapped. A rest doesnt mean excessive spending or even spending at the normal level, vacations and tons of going out. It can still be constructive, cleanse, fast, meditate, sleep and then some time thinking and planning next steps. She should be very gracious and gratedul she can do this and have support of a partner. There should also be plans made as to how you get a rest of you even need one. Even if its leave without pay for a month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she plan to do all day?

OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.

Run away, run away, run away and save your life

Hope you guys aren’t considered common law spouses already…

Wear a condom every time

OP here. No common law in my state.

We don’t plan on having kids. I’m already snipped and she has fertility issues. Neither of us want kids.

What kind of guy gets snipped on his own?

Most men only do this after finishing having kids. You are not even married and got snipped on your own?? I don’t buy it.

OP here. I knew I never wanted kids. It’s a way to make sure I didn’t accidentally have any. I got mine done at 32. I tried to get it done sooner but doctor advised me to wait.
You would’ve surprised how many men get one early on in life.

Do you think men need permission or somehow need to be married to get a vasectomy? I’m confused by your logic.

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be divorced for a second time?

OP here. Divorced a second time? I’ve never been married.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah a juice fast isn't going to fix her issues.

She needs to come up with an actual plan for life.

School sounds like a waste of time. She's already a PT.

What is she going to school for?


She needs to figure out a viable plan for life and a career that is not as physically straining but also doesn't require you to do all the work.

OP here. She thinks a juice fast will help with detox and inflammation. She sees it as a way to “reset” her body.

She is going to get some certificates to work remotely. I think her working remotely is best for her that way she can relax more. She doesn’t need it but says the extra skills will help her.

OP, with these sorts of issues it is almost certain that she will never be a fully contributing partner. If she goes to the gym and is active, but can't work or go to school due to pain, that doesn't add up. The pain gets in her way when she doesn't WANT to do something.

The fact is, you know the answer. Either you accept a non-working, non-participating partner, or move on. This isn't going to get better. In fact, it will only get worse.

Do you want to be divorced for a second time?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she plan to do all day?

OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.

Run away, run away, run away and save your life

Hope you guys aren’t considered common law spouses already…

Wear a condom every time

OP here. No common law in my state.

We don’t plan on having kids. I’m already snipped and she has fertility issues. Neither of us want kids.

What kind of guy gets snipped on his own?

Most men only do this after finishing having kids. You are not even married and got snipped on your own?? I don’t buy it.

Yeah a juice fast isn't going to fix her issues.

She needs to come up with an actual plan for life.

School sounds like a waste of time. She's already a PT.

What is she going to school for?


She needs to figure out a viable plan for life and a career that is not as physically straining but also doesn't require you to do all the work.

Anonymous wrote:Someone who works in the medical field who has significant physical impairments from a condition, while very prevalent in the population, seems unusually severe for such a young person.

Is she very obese?

OP here. No. They think a good portion is genetic. Almost all her family members have back issues and issues with nerves and discs.

She did have an injury on a bike several years back and that caused issues with her neck and the nerves.

She is normal weight.

The problem for me is she doesn’t have severe issues. She can go to work, workout, go out, etc. She does take Advil after coming home most nights because her neck and back get achy and sore. She has some issues with carpal tunnel. She takes a hot bath or using a heating pad.

She’s not in-mobile. She can walk for miles each day, run, goes to the gym and lifts weights, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, the original poster buried the lead. She has chronic pain issues stemming from an injury. That may be what she’s referring to when she said she needs a break. Speaking of someone who was once in a similar position, taking a few months to give my body a break was very helpful. I went to physical therapy, etc. That might be what she’s talking about. For example, if it’s a wrist injury or a back or neck injury, it could be hard for her to sit at a desk or computer all day long.

It is of course ridiculous usually not to work or be in school in the situation. But it sounds like she might be struggling with the health issue and that changes the analysis.

OP here. She was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in her neck and nerve entrapment. She also has lower back issues from the same issue in her spine.

She goes to therapy herself and gets steroids shots.

She’s a physical therapist.

What does she plan to study? Has she applied or been accepted?

If she is in the beginning stages and hasn’t taken any entrance exams or started applying, this would be a huge red flag.

At the same time, having chronic back pain is a legitimate reason for wanting and needing a break from doing physical work. It really depends on the level of pain. My friend had such severe pain that she couldn’t function and perform at a desk job. She is married with 2 kids and a husband who travels and makes a lot of money. She took a break.

When I was dating Dh, I didn’t like my job. Like normal people, I stopped working after I got a new job.

She is either in severe pain or she is ruining a potential marriage to you.

I had a friend who hated her job and quit after she got married. They were planning to have a baby. The baby never came and they were beginning to go to an IVF specialist and the guy decided he wanted a divorce. Women really shouldn’t stop working until after they have kids. Most men don’t want just a housewife with no kids.

That's gonna be a nah from me bro.

I don't support grown adults. Grown adults contribute substantially the household through income and/or hands on labor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she plan to do all day?

OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.

Run away, run away, run away and save your life

Hope you guys aren’t considered common law spouses already…

Wear a condom every time

OP here. No common law in my state.

We don’t plan on having kids. I’m already snipped and she has fertility issues. Neither of us want kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she plan to do all day?

OP here. She said she needs to just relax and rest. Focus on her body and getting that in order. She wants to do a 60-90 day juice fast to see if that can help her.

I posted earlier about her chronic injury and how she might need a rest. Honestly, it sounds like she does. I think you should support her in that but make clear that you envision being married to someone who has a career and that you don’t want to be married to a state of Mom. Say it kindly. Sit down and discuss, whether or not you are on the same page. I think you need to make that clear to her before she quits. Explain that you’re not going to feel comfortable getting married until she has her career back on track. But that you would support her quitting for a few months to get back in better shape. The juice cleanse sounds kind of nutty to be honest.

Someone who works in the medical field who has significant physical impairments from a condition, while very prevalent in the population, seems unusually severe for such a young person.

Is she very obese?