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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

…except that I was going to be the one hosting them in my/our house. And it was a bit more than asking spouse if they were coming…

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

Asking her son if they were coming is hardly making a fuss. This really had nothing to do with you at all.

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I was worried they would actually show up. Since my MIL had to make a fuss about it I the first place.

I have social anxiety and a very small house. I would panic at the thought of inviting more people than I had planned and organized for. But since I'm also a people-pleaser, I would feel pressured to accept the change. Then I would feel terribly put upon and resentful! Sigh. This is the life of the eternally anxious and insecure.

I hope, OP, that you can accept not being liked at all times by everyone. It's a great truth I struggle with. If you say no today, it reduces the likelihood that your MIL tries to impose on you in the future. Consider it an investment in your future peace of mind.

Now if only I followed my own advice.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get all the people who have a problem with not inviting step siblings if everyone involved was an adult and living independently when MIL and stepfather got married. These aren’t people who grew up together or ever lived together. They don’t have a sibling relationship. If OP’s dh was an adult and living on his own when his mom remarried, he doesn’t have a father-son relationship with his stepfather either. This is the reality when people with grown children marry. The two families don’t really blend. The step siblings are just acquaintances. If OP’s MIL wants to spend holidays with her kids and her dh to spend holidays with his kids as well, then either she and stepfather need to host everyone or they need to attend multiple celebrations for the same holiday. That’s just the reality of second marriages.

Np. This is my reality as well. Some of the steps I have never met as we were all grown adults with children when they married.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

So what was all the fuss about?

I can't figure out the relationships here. Are the step siblings the children of MIL's current husband, and is he going to be there? Or did he recently die or something? It seems like there are many reasons why they should be included, whether or not you really like them. That's just how families are.

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

OP here. I honestly would've been fine if MIL/FIL boycotted, a gathering of nine is still nice, especially for the size of our house. But as it turns out, we did extend the invitations to keep the peace and the only one who is apparently coming is the wife of one of the step brothers, go figure. I guess they're having marital problems, and/or she'd rather spend her holiday with us, which is not surprising knowing what I know about her husband. I like her just fine and one extra is managable.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

I'm sure this has everything to do with keeping the peace with MILs husband. He wants his own children there and won't come if they aren't there. And then MIL will side with her husband and skip. So, OP isn't going to get the idyllic secular Easter she's fantasizing about.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Cool, they should invite your family for a nice fun secular passover and not invite you.

dp Why are you being so mean? I agree with op. Invite MIL and let her decide if she wants to come or not

Jusy say no. I would be appalled if you invited me and I found out later that this is how you really feel. Do me a favor and spare me the honor of your company.

Sorry MIL, no room. Have DH do it.

I’m team OP, if she wants her stepchildren there she should host the brunch. No where does it state you have to include step siblings especially if you became siblings when you were older or adults.

Second marriages with kids really suck. Usually what happens is that the new kids host or get hosted and the original kids get shut out. This sounds like OP aka original kid is shut out when new kids host but expected to include them when she hosts.

DH and his sister have divorced parents. FIL remarried and had a second kid. FIL and his 3 siblings all divorced , had second families and basically abandoned their original kids but dote on their do over kids. FIL didn’t even pay child support even though he had plenty of money, never a cent for college or even a wedding gift. DH/SIL have a full group of original cousins and a full group of step/half cousins. The original group jokes about this. The younger group is clueless as to the pain it caused . It’s hilarious when the younger group expects the originals to help with the boomers or finance things. The answer is always no with an are you crazy asking us for this?

Second marriages can be really disgusting. I don’t get why people do this other than extreme selfishness.

I don’t get all the people who have a problem with not inviting step siblings if everyone involved was an adult and living independently when MIL and stepfather got married. These aren’t people who grew up together or ever lived together. They don’t have a sibling relationship. If OP’s dh was an adult and living on his own when his mom remarried, he doesn’t have a father-son relationship with his stepfather either. This is the reality when people with grown children marry. The two families don’t really blend. The step siblings are just acquaintances. If OP’s MIL wants to spend holidays with her kids and her dh to spend holidays with his kids as well, then either she and stepfather need to host everyone or they need to attend multiple celebrations for the same holiday. That’s just the reality of second marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We're hosting Easter brunch this year and MIL is being pushy about including my spouse's (adult) step sibblings. Neither my spouse nor I like the step sibblings and they don't particularly seem to like us either (so hopefully they just won't come). I just feel like if we're hosting we should be able to decide the guest list and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. But we'll probably just do it anyway. Not thrilled. Mostly just venting.

I mean, I can understand where she is coming from. But what do you mean when you say she's being pushy? She asked to invite them and... then what?

She asked spouse if they were coming. Spouse deflected till she directly asked if they were invited, and then got upset when the answer was no. Spouse doesn't do well with anyone being upset so wants to just invite to keep the peace and just hope they don't show.

But what do you all normally do? If the Easter tradition is that everyone gets together and you've decided to only invite half the family then you're putting her in an awkward position. Maybe hosting the family isn't for you if you want to draw lines in sand and force the grandparents to choose. So much for peace and renewal and the spirit of Easter.

This. If they are always included you can't just decide you're hosting this year so you can cut off the people you don't care for. I mean you can but that's incredibly rude. If the family is not typically all together then MIL is being obnoxious expecting you to invite them if she doesn't.

Easter is not usually a big thing on either side (most of us aren’t even Christian). Some years we have big gatherings (if mil or my mom host), other years nothing at all, sometimes just a few people.I was excited ab hosting this year bc my son just turned 3 and he’s finally starting to get into holidays. The steps barely acknowledge his existence.

So you're not Christian, but are deciding to host an "Easter brunch" that excludes half the family and you want to show your son how to really get into the holiday by settling scores and shunning certain family members? Well, ok then. Kids are usually more the merrier but I can see you all care more about making a point than family togetherness. Why bother? Just have breakfast on Saturday and only invite MIL.

I want to have a nice family holiday with fun secular easter things with actual family who love and care about my son. Neither spouse nor the step siblings consider each other family, hence why they did not invite us to their recent wedding, which is fine! If they show up, that's nearly half of the whole gathering who don't even acknowledge him (or us).

Why would MIL want you to invite the step sibs and plus 1's or spouses when OP+DH [a step dib] were not invited to 1 of their weddings? That assumes the wedding was not teeny. No wedding invite should mean no small holiday brunch or Thanksgiving.