Anonymous wrote:I picked my husband because I knew he had a job lined up and I would not need to work. 20+ years in and I have never held a job. If he stopped working, I'd find another husband.

This is a weird post.

My question is was he doing the artist bit before they got married? They should have discussed planning on a house and kids before that. If he decided to quit his job for this that's another story and he should not have done that without mutual agreement.

Anonymous wrote:Gentleman scholar is an oxymoron. Real scholars work very long and hard at it. Your husband is a dilettante. Does your DH even have a PhD?

Yes, of course. But it’s in something he’s fascinated by, not something practical.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him it’s not you, it’s me, because let’s face it you thought he would grow up but he didn’t. Hope he doesn’t file for alimony (he probably will.). Expect to pay rent for him and his live in girlfriend for the next ten years.

NP. He has to get a job. If he can be gainfully employed, he has to do so. He doesn’t just get alimony because he wants it.

He makes 40-50k. She makes double. She will be responsible for his maintenance. Everyone says the guy will be too proud/noble to get it but they all get quickly convinced they are entitled to it. Sorry op is hosed.

She is only hosed for a few years. Courts expect anyone capable of working to pursue work and the support tapers off.

Anonymous wrote:People are focused on exactly how much ops spouse is making, or whether his business might one day take off etc… when the real issue is that he said he doesn’t care about buying a home, retirement family life and stability. etc. fundamentally you’re incompatible op. Let him write his novel and play in a band as a single dude (which is how is living except he also has you to pay the bills. Break up , you are not compatible. This is not really about money. He’s a man child.

This. If he cared about working together to build a life then his having a lower income, IMO, is not a big factor. You figure it out together. But he doesn't want to build a life together.

No scrubs!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him it’s not you, it’s me, because let’s face it you thought he would grow up but he didn’t. Hope he doesn’t file for alimony (he probably will.). Expect to pay rent for him and his live in girlfriend for the next ten years.

NP. He has to get a job. If he can be gainfully employed, he has to do so. He doesn’t just get alimony because he wants it.

He makes 40-50k. She makes double. She will be responsible for his maintenance. Everyone says the guy will be too proud/noble to get it but they all get quickly convinced they are entitled to it. Sorry op is hosed.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him it’s not you, it’s me, because let’s face it you thought he would grow up but he didn’t. Hope he doesn’t file for alimony (he probably will.). Expect to pay rent for him and his live in girlfriend for the next ten years.

NP. He has to get a job. If he can be gainfully employed, he has to do so. He doesn’t just get alimony because he wants it.

Tell him it’s not you, it’s me, because let’s face it you thought he would grow up but he didn’t. Hope he doesn’t file for alimony (he probably will.). Expect to pay rent for him and his live in girlfriend for the next ten years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are paying all expenses? You HAVE a child, and it’s your DH. If you did not pay the bills, how would he be able to pursue his artistic endeavors? He’d have to get a job.

It sounds like he has made his position very clear. Either accept your life as it is, or leave (and jf you do have a child with him, expect to single-parent and support your DH as another dependent).

He is making enough to pay our rent and car expenses.

OP is making excuses for him. She's not going to leave. She's going to continue digging her hole and sink deeper into this bad situation.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of band? Does it have synthesizers?

😆

What kind of band? Does it have synthesizers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this even a question? Tell him that if he wants a roof over his had he needs to work for it because you dont care about supporting his adult child existence. Do you make a lot of money OP? Or do now or both of you come from money and/or have a trust fund?

Op here. I only make 110k and he has made around 50k-40k over the past two years. No we do not come from money.

I am confused where does that 50K come from?

I picked my husband because I knew he had a job lined up and I would not need to work. 20+ years in and I have never held a job. If he stopped working, I'd find another husband.

I don't think either spouse - I don't care what gender - should be unemployed or underemployed to the dissatisfaction of the other. If you agree to it, great. That works for many couples. But to unilaterally put the financial burdens of a family on one person without their agreement is egregious behavior in my book. It's a breeding ground for resentment and that's a marriage killer.