Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

It's not that they're angry/bitter/hateful, it's that most women (yes, I know there are exceptions) carry a heavier burden in marriage (childcare, cooking, cleaning, household management, etc.) than men and are not in a hurry to repeat the experience with another man, especially if the women are financially independent. Why remarry at all, especially if you're middle age or older? You can always live with someone or have a longterm relationship where you both remain in your own homes but spend your free time together.

Plus, if the man has grown kids they will likely not accept you. If the man has been married before, there is an ex wife to contend with, even if the kids are grown. The ex wife will be getting part of his money, and who needs that.

Late 40s, divorced for 15 years. I haven't made dating a priority because of my kids and now that they're almost off on their own, I find it hard to meet people organically. I know the apps are the way to go but I just can't do it. I'm not angry or bitter or a gold digger. It feels like finding a quality partner would be a full-time job and it's hard to summon the motivation to do that when I'm not unhappy alone. I have a lot of friends, a busy and fulfilling career, and my kids to keep me busy.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.

I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.

Anonymous wrote:Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

It's not that they're angry/bitter/hateful, it's that most women (yes, I know there are exceptions) carry a heavier burden in marriage (childcare, cooking, cleaning, household management, etc.) than men and are not in a hurry to repeat the experience with another man, especially if the women are financially independent. Why remarry at all, especially if you're middle age or older? You can always live with someone or have a longterm relationship where you both remain in your own homes but spend your free time together.

I make more than enough money to buy myself whatever I want. There is really no advantage to legally binding myself in marriage. I can have the companionship I need via relationship or living together. And if he is not ok with that, he can go his way, I don't want to be anyone's sugar momma.

I would only remarry if he’s close to my age (max 5 years older) and brings about equal (300k+) income to the table and has matching plans for retirement. Not looking to be tied up to someone as a caregiver or limit my current lifestyle just because he’s “frugal” and like to sit home. I know a lot of married women who are miserable in retirement with aging husbands
I do date older men though but not seriously

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blindsided by cheating/affair 20 years in.

I will never marry anyone again.

Same here – all around. Never again will I allow myself to be in a position to be hurt like that.

+1

I’m remarried and my take is - for whatever reason, it’s not a priority for them.

I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry.

There is really no point for independently wealthy women to marry again. Men need caregivers so they remarry. But not independently wealthy women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I am happily married but I have two close friends who are divorcing or divorced. Both are high-earning and successful, both have good relationships with their kids, both are attractive. They are chased relentlessly by men. Both have literally no interest in marriage. The men who are chasing them are obviously looking for caregivers and sugar mamas. They are entitled, demanding, and whiny. The men bring very little to the table. I’ve seen the texts from these men, and it’s just crazy how entitled they are.

Maybe they should stop dating these type of men.

Oh they aren’t dating these men. They are just getting chased by them. The texts are unasked for. They certainly aren’t dating them. “Thanks, but I’m not interested” doesn’t stop a barrage of whiny, entitled, demanding messages.

Only you believe that. They obviously got their numbers from your friends and your friends could easily block them.

It’s not so easy. These are folks in the same social circles. Blocking is an aggressive move.

Reading this forum for the past several years is all the convincing I need to never get married again. It would have to be a really exceptional woman. The older married women on this board seem to be angry, bitter, and hateful towards their husbands. I don't need that.

Anonymous wrote:Blindsided by cheating/affair 20 years in.

I will never marry anyone again.

Same here – all around. Never again will I allow myself to be in a position to be hurt like that.

I'm a woman, and I would remarry. But experience dating in mid-life does not lead me to believe this is likely to happen. I think a lot of normal guys have just dropped out of the pool out of fear they'll be rejected anyway. If those guys are not on online dating, I haven't figured out how to meet them otherwise. Not that there aren't any normal guys open to a committed relationship on online dating, but it seems like they are few and far between. The rest are split between guys who are committed to staying single and a certain percentage who might be willing to acknowledge deep down wanting a relationship but have fears and are good enough at getting casual sex that they just do that instead.

I think marriage is idealistic for 20/30 year straight lo and then u realize marrriage is hard even ideal ones. The older you get, the less you believe in fairytales and understand that it’s a crapshoot. If you are financially ok, No need to remarry. Too nuch work