OP, first and foremost let me say you’re doing a great job.

Second, how about taking a mom and daughter outing, with some quiet time and ASK her what she doesn’t want to talk about and ask her to help you understand what she’s thinking and feeling. Reassure her that she has voice in this. That while neither you nor her can stop everything that’s coming, you are absolutely on her side to make sure she gets through it safely, with as little embarrassment as possible and without losing her sense of self. And that if she would feel more comfortable talking about/getting advice from someone else, you’re open to suggestions of family/friends/or identifying the best professional.

Also explain some of the same things you did to us. That’s she’s been your most open and affectionate child to date and you’d hate to see her lose that just because of biology.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it at all possible your child is experiencing gender dysphoria? I have heard that children questioning their gender sometimes have a particularly difficult time with puberty.

This is what I was going to ask too.

+2.

Agree with PP. Our daughter had a hard time at first, even though she had read a litany of books on puberty and we had discussions for years beforehand. For her, I think it had to do with control ... Everything seemed to be changing around her as she started middle school and then her body went and changed, which was the last straw. Continue being empathetic and simply tell her that all
these changes can make one feel many emotions at the same time, all of which are normal.

OP, one thing you might do is tell her your own tale, absent of any other information. Just tell her about what you recall of getting breasts and your period, what things you found scary or weird, and what things were easier. And just leave it at that. You can even tell her this in the car to create a captive audience.

The point here is that you are signaling to her that it's totally normal to find the whole thing weird, bizarre, fun, scary, etc. And that you did as well. She may not say a single word in response, but its an important message.

I react the same way to going on Medicare in a few months. La La La, fingers in ears, I don’t want to think about it, I can’t choose, go away! It never ends!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thought- could she possibly questioning her gender identity? Acknowledging puberty means accepting that her body is changing and this could be really terrifying for her if she is questioning her identity.

+1,000. They might be interested in puberty blockers just to give them more time to figure it out. Please just be accepting!

I hope this is a sick joke.

Anonymous wrote:Just a thought- could she possibly questioning her gender identity? Acknowledging puberty means accepting that her body is changing and this could be really terrifying for her if she is questioning her identity.

+1,000. They might be interested in puberty blockers just to give them more time to figure it out. Please just be accepting!

Has she gone to pediatrician to check and discuss?

Just a thought- could she possibly questioning her gender identity? Acknowledging puberty means accepting that her body is changing and this could be really terrifying for her if she is questioning her identity.

Op, you sound like a truly wonderful mother - maybe a bit too kind and empathetic. Daily showers and some sort of barrier as a b cup should be non-negotiable.

Don’t make a big deal but insist she knows the basics. I read books on puberty to my daughter whether she wanted to know it or not. She also did a class at her pediatrician’s office. She was the same way and wouldn’t acknowledge puberty at 11 and hung around boys so there was no one in her friend group to talk about it. Around 7th grade, she found her girl tribe and now very openly talks about her period and has no issues with bras. She’s small so she can get away with sports bras and bralettes. She’s 14 now and is moving away from baggy clothes. She’ll never be super girly and that’s fine with me.

My 14 year old only wears sports bras or bralettes. Honestly, I am jealous of this generation because our options were so uncomfortable and awkward.

My 13 year old only recently accepted bras (very comfortable, expensive ones from the same shop I go to!), and half the time, she forgets to put one on in the morning. She had health ed at school at some point.

All I do is insist on deodorant!