Dean’s List or don’t come home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice from seasoned parents. How did you set up and enforce expectations in college, in particular around GPA, attending class etc - do you have access to grades/advisor?

No. Zero access to any of this. I don’t even know DD’s advisor’s name.

You prepared your kid for college and now she’s there. Congratulations on that, it’s not easy for everyone.

The parents who still want control have problems. Can you imagine if the college advisors had to take phone calls from parents? If parents did their job there should be very few problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

Wow, if that were the case my daughter now would have $30,000 worth of extra debt because she had one semester that was under the three-point. Oh but she now is about to graduate with 3.6.

Seems a bit harsh. Perhaps you could do what I did which was to help her find tutors, got her some support medically, as she has ADHD, and just tried to help her through it rather than punishing her for something she was already upset about herself.

Requiring your legally an adult dependent offspring to maintain a 3.0 GPA in order for mom and dad to foot their bills is far less intrusive and more likely to create independent, self functioning adults than managing your adult offspring's adhd, finding tutors, etc.

well that might be how your raise your kids, but it's not how I did. Obviously if she was partying all the time and not trying, then I'd have another conversation with her. In fact, we sat down (like adults) and she proatively told me the issues she was having and how she'd like to fix them. I paid for a nominal amount for her to get a tutor, which she did find on her own. We talked about the classes she liked and the ones she struggled with and talked through potential change of major, and what kind of career she could pursue if she changed her major. Like adults. My point is that threats do not cause anything but resentment. Sitting down and allowing your college student to identify what went wrong, and be proactive in discussing it with you, is going to be much more productive in the end. I passed no judgement, and the only advice I gave her was that I didn't think the classes she was taking spoke to her strengths, and that her desired career path may not either. She agreed and now has an entirely different life goal than she had coming into school. She is very proud of how she was able to right the ship and be succesful. I just cannot fathom adding $30K in debt to her (when we had the money saved in her 529) because she had a tough time adjusting to college, chose the wrong major and had an undiagnosed medical condition. She finished freshman year with a 2.7, and again is at a 3.6 now.

In our case, it also turned out she had undiagnosed ADHD. I recommended she see a doc that summer and she was diagnosed. Accomodations and meds have helped tremendously.

If you're saying that I'm not successfully raising an adult, you have gone some major issues.

Anonymous wrote:University administrator here; also a mom to an adult off to college. Don’t do this insane hovering. Man, the parents these days are the worst—especially those who insist on specific majors, courses, etc. Parents who check grades get overly involved in course registration, professors, you name it, and then elevate those issues “over” the advisor to me and how often we have to remind parents that it is ultimately up to their 18-21-year-old. It’s quite sad to watch. Plus, it is demoralizing for these advisors who literally love helping students thrive. And these advisors have incredible track records in guiding and supporting students through graduation and beyond. It’s impressive to watch.

I see college students forced into majors they don’t even want yet who cannot advocate for themselves. I worry about these adults who wake up ten years from now in careers they never wanted or, worse, out of a job because they lack any passion or drive in the field.
Parents often insist on getting involved, and trust me; these parents become notorious. I’m honestly concerned about what parents are doing to this entire generation.
Please encourage your new college student to embrace campus, utilize all the resources, and let universities and our excellent expert teams help your student to thrive. We may know what we’re doing. Doesn’t mean an absolute absence of a parent in the student’s college life, but it does mean ensuring the college student is in the driver's seat.

Hey, a mom here. My kid goes to a state school and advising there SUCKS. I do not check her grades or whether she attends classes, but I watched like a hawk that she was on track to graduate in 4 years.

Not once, but twice during her senior year she was notified that she has outstanding requirements and she had to explain to her advisor how her classes fit. Apparently both times her credits were shifted between various sections of the requirements in the ways that were disadvantageous for her and the advisor had to reshuffle them.

I am sure your school is exemplary in that respect, but when graduating on time means loss of revenue, things happen, right? My daughter is sharing a house with 4 other people who started at the same time. She is the only one out of five who will graduate on time, so excuse me, but when my next kid starts college, I will be a pain in your butt again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

Wow, if that were the case my daughter now would have $30,000 worth of extra debt because she had one semester that was under the three-point. Oh but she now is about to graduate with 3.6.

Seems a bit harsh. Perhaps you could do what I did which was to help her find tutors, got her some support medically, as she has ADHD, and just tried to help her through it rather than punishing her for something she was already upset about herself.

Requiring your legally an adult dependent offspring to maintain a 3.0 GPA in order for mom and dad to foot their bills is far less intrusive and more likely to create independent, self functioning adults than managing your adult offspring's adhd, finding tutors, etc.

+1 when your adult child goes off into the work place they will have to be accountable to someone (their boss) about their performance. Said boss, however, won't be accommodating your adult child's ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:DC knows that the current school is only affordable for us because of the merit award. That automatically means the expectations are 1) graduate in four years, since that’s all it’s good for, and 2) maintain the minimum GPA required by the school to keep the scholarship. DH and I did not set any additional expectations beyond those.

We do not have access to grades, nor have we asked for that. We did ask DC to grant us access to the billing portal so that we can more easily make the payments.

This is what we did.

Also, I will add that we had a kid banking account under our accounts starting in high school for things like food, gas and misc school stuff.

We told our college kids that if they want money from us for those things, they cannot unlink the acct when they turn 18. Mostly because the linked accounts make it more convenient for us to get money in quickly for things like books. It also is used as proof of life, so we don't bother them with texts or track their phone like most of the other parents. If there are Taco Bell and coffee shop purchases in that account, we know the kid is alive even if they haven't called or answered texts in weeks. We encouage them to open their own accounts elsewhere for adulting, but the expense account stays under us if they want to be financed by the bank of mom and dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

You sound like someone who doesn’t have children.

Why would anyone pay for their kid to get below a 3.0 cumulative GPA?

A 3.0 is really, really easy to get if you show up for class. It is a really low standard to request in exchange for $300,000 +/- of tuition money and living expenses.

The better question is why would anyone pay $300k for college? I'd only pay that for a top 5 school -- maybe not even then -- and if my kid got into one of those I wouldn't be real concerned that they wouldn't take college seriously.

My kid went to a solid state school, and I'm sure (but never asked) that they had below a 3.0. I happily paid. What difference does it make if it's a 2.5 or a 3.0? In the long run, ZERO. What's to be gained by forcing your kid to drop out of school before they graduate?

You people are silly AF

Anonymous wrote:None. My son even got a 1.8 his 1st semester.

He knew what he needed to do to stay in college.

Did your DS tell you their GPA?

We asked DS to allow us to see their bills (since we pay for it with the 529), grades and sign the HIPPA for us to see his medical records just in case something happens. They didn't bat an eye about it. DS is a high stats kid; always has been. I think we did it out of habit, tbh, because DS is a pretty responsible kid who cares a lot about his grades, probably more than us.

We will set the same level of expectations for younger DC, who is not as high stats. This DC also has anxiety, so if we see grades slipping semester after semester, we know to intervene.

As for going to class every session, no, we don't have a requirement. DS even tell us that he doesn't bother with x class because the professor posts everything online, and he's gotten a pretty high A in the class last semester, at least. I will say that recently, DS got a low B in one of his classes for the midterms, so I said something like, "Maybe you oughtta go to class more often.", to which responded, "Yea, I probably will now". Learned that the hard way and was a bit over confident there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

Wow, if that were the case my daughter now would have $30,000 worth of extra debt because she had one semester that was under the three-point. Oh but she now is about to graduate with 3.6.

Seems a bit harsh. Perhaps you could do what I did which was to help her find tutors, got her some support medically, as she has ADHD, and just tried to help her through it rather than punishing her for something she was already upset about herself.

Requiring your legally an adult dependent offspring to maintain a 3.0 GPA in order for mom and dad to foot their bills is far less intrusive and more likely to create independent, self functioning adults than managing your adult offspring's adhd, finding tutors, etc.

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

+1, with a slight modification- the next semester is either to get it back or pick a school near home to transfer and live at home for the rest of the college years. Worked for me too.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you? I've stepped away in HS. I only know about grades at report card time.

I'm happy to give control over my kids' own lives when they are 18. I'll try to keep an open relationship though. I was on academic probation multiple times in school. I'm happy my parents didn't pull me out! I graduated, moved on and am happy. My kids can't do much worse than me.

Then you know their GPA, which is part of what OP asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

You sound like someone who doesn’t have children.

Why would anyone pay for their kid to get below a 3.0 cumulative GPA?

A 3.0 is really, really easy to get if you show up for class. It is a really low standard to request in exchange for $300,000 +/- of tuition money and living expenses.

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some advice from seasoned parents. How did you set up and enforce expectations in college, in particular around GPA, attending class etc - do you have access to grades/advisor?

LOL
"enforce" what are you planning on "enforcing"? College students are adults, you have zero say in the eyes of the law or the University.

I wish your student luck with a parent who hovers like you they are going to fail because you did not teach them the skills to become a full functioning adult.

Anonymous wrote:If the GPA drops below a 3.0 for one semester, I’m not paying for the next one.

It worked for me.

Sounds reasonable.

We did not have access to grades, but school was always an open conversation. I always knew whether she was on track to graduate on time, classes she found difficult, etc. End of quarter she would willingly send us her grades. As long as she had above 3.3+ overall GPA we were happy. 3.0+ is okay but anything below that would be a conversation.

Only thing we were concerned about was frat parties and making sure her drink was covered/watched at all times. And that she had at least one trusted friend to go with.