Anonymous wrote:If I were you, I'd think your cousin was a sh*t-stirrer *ss*ole.

I'd go on with my life exactly as I did before that cousin reached out. And I'd probably block them.

Yes, this. I think this says infinitely more about the cousin than it does about you.

I’ve actually seen the other side of this. My spouse has an oddball sister who has made a lot of bad life choices. Not seriously immoral or criminal choices but choices that left her and her kids impoverished and constantly needing help (financially and otherwise). This was distressing to her close family and left her the butt of gossip and some pretty mean comments from extended family. She has been excluded from a lots of events.

As an outsider, I see both sides. it is really uncomfortable having her around people who hold her in low regard. On the other hand, it’s incredibly cruel to ostracize a woman who is already having so many problems.

If you’re being excluded you’re probably better off.

OP can you post exactly what you said in your polite reply before she blocked you? Names erased of course.

OP, would anyone who has well-developed empathy say to someone else "The whole family hates you?" Think back to elementary school and middle school. Did you know girls who said these sorts of things to peers? Were they well -adjusted and content people or disturbed, prone to drama and just plain mean? Most of those girls likely grew up and a decent percentage probably feel remorse and can attribute their mean behavior to things like anger at a difficult home life, emulating an abusive parent, internal struggles, etc. Some don't grown up emotionally and remain stuck. They struggle with mental illness. Your cousin is stuck. This is not normal behavior. This is not how well-adjusted and empathetic adults behave.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who would tell you "the whole family hates you" is not worth your time or consideration. Sounds like a vindictive person. Maybe you need to reach out more if you'd like to have a closer relationship to family members who are geographically distant, but otherwise, blow this person off! You can be "not close" without hating someone!

I have a cousin like this. I am quite sure she has a personality disorder, although I doubt she has ever been diagnosed. I could absolutely see her calling up someone in the family and doing something similar.

I do my best to steer clear of her and not engage.

Wouldn’t your parents have some insight into what is going on? Why don’t you ask them?

Also—assume these ppl didn’t come to your wedding and you haven’t been in contact with them for 20 years? So why do you care?

Anyone who would tell you "the whole family hates you" is not worth your time or consideration. Sounds like a vindictive person. Maybe you need to reach out more if you'd like to have a closer relationship to family members who are geographically distant, but otherwise, blow this person off! You can be "not close" without hating someone!

There are emotionally immature people in all shapes and forms. We have some in my family who seem normal to the outside world and even have impressive jobs, but they just love to create dramatics and put people on edge. Don't engage with her. Don't give a reaction at all. You could reach out to a trusted family member and ask if she is OK as someone mentioned and say you had a concerning conversation with her and wondered if she was struggling considering you are strangers and she shared something so out there. Maybe there is a reason this woman is stuck at mean middle school age emotionally.

My husband and I both have these types of characters sprinkled in our family on the female line-both have sisters who stir up trouble, moms and grandmas. We are polite and distant-very distant. These are people who if you must chat you keep it to the weather or pets and if they try to stir up trouble, you make an excuse to get away.

Every pot stirrer I know struggles with mental health. When getting proper treatment they are usually much nicer.

I am sorry OP. I am an adult with a happy life, but I have an aunt and uncle who take my sibling on multiple (1-3) extravagant trips they pay for very year.
Sometimes it gets rubbed in my face, sometimes they try and hide it. It is weird and if I must say hurtful.

I asked my family if I had done something wrong (I don't need for someone to pay my way, but it would be nice to be invited occasionally especially since I do travel and would have happily met up with them for a few days somewhere and paid for my own flight and hotel). This aunt always complained their mother had a favorite and resents her mother for it, yet my aunt constantly plays favorites.

I learned you can't control anyone but yourself. When I see these people I am kind, but have more boundaries now. My mom has a beach house on the same road as this aunt and uncle. I visit my mom in the summer and see them at the beach or go over and say hi, occasionally share a meal, but if they try to be too involved I now have boundaries.

Before I did anything they asked because I wanted them to "like" me. Not everyone is going to like you or want to invite you to things. That is life. I can only control me and how I handle myself and situations.

I'm sorry, OP.

I don't have answers, yet I want to say it's mean of someone to call you up to say people don't like you and that you're not invited to a certain event and then to block you when you ask questions. That's not normal behavior.

Probably she called when drunk or high and blocked you after she realized what she did.