Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 20:07     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
No advice on the social skills aspect, but outschool can be a good place to find kid groups related to special interests.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 19:52     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Maybe Boy Scouts? Group for other kids on the spectrum?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 19:51     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
As a parent I’d be looking at the possible violence associated with military battles. If the obsession has to do with weapons, casualties, etc. it might be time to intervene, especially for someone who is only 11 and has been fixated on this topic for years (and threw a fit when the mom tried to mix it up a bit).
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 19:01     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.


It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.


What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?


NP. Because they’re not the ones who are unhappy and unable to connect with friends?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 18:21     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
My nephew is similar. He played video games sometimes and liked them, but also had very diverse interests. I remember one day when he came home and told his parents something along the lines of — he was so glad they encouraged him to have interests other than video games because the other boys at school exclusively talked about video games and had no idea how to continue a conversation if he tried to discuss another topic (to be clear, he also liked talking about video games but not all the time). It validated their deliberate efforts to encourage him to be well rounded. He accepted that there were some social things that only his school friends could provide and some intellectual things that only his parents/family could provide. He was fine with that. He is now in college and that’s where he found way more like minded people and is very happy).
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 16:53     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Seek help asap
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 16:40     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
As someone with different interests who went to a small private school, my advice is to consider sending him to a larger public school where he will gravitate to more kids like himself. Maybe they won't have the exact same interests, but they will have different interests they can share.

Small private schools can be very cliquish and I learned to shut up and not talk about interests to avoid being bullied. It sounds like he needs a larger environment with larger numbers of advanced kids, so he won't get so bored.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 16:22     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
I was that kid. Not on the spectrum, just different more bookish interests. Videogames are not part of any solution. I found that it got better when I landed in MS. Once there were more kids, I could find my people.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 15:59     Subject: Re:11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]
Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.


Possibly the nuttiest advice I’ve ever read on dcum


Why? Learning to navigate social circumstances with his peers. But also learning to explore his passion in a community that explores this. The key to the latter is that when you have a child exploring a forum not specifically designed for children, the parent/guardian needs to monitor the communications with your child. I have middle schoolers who are on forums for topics of interest. I monitor what they submit and what responses they get. But they enjoy learning more about subjects of interest and I proactively monitor their communication in the fora.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 15:08     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.


It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.


What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?


Are you the OP? Your initial post gave the impression that he has narrow interests. If that was wrong, my apologies. In that case, the problem might be a poor fit with his classmates -- that happens, especially in small schools. It's not anyone's fault and no one has to change their interests. You might want to consider changing schools so he fits in better with his peers. There's no reason to pay for a school that's a bad fit.


He has narrow interests,yes, but many of them. I wouldn't consider them ASD-related, at all - he just stumbles across more adult things and wants to discuss them.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 15:00     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.


It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.


What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?


Are you the OP? Your initial post gave the impression that he has narrow interests. If that was wrong, my apologies. In that case, the problem might be a poor fit with his classmates -- that happens, especially in small schools. It's not anyone's fault and no one has to change their interests. You might want to consider changing schools so he fits in better with his peers. There's no reason to pay for a school that's a bad fit.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 14:43     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.


It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.


What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 14:42     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is not what you want to hear. He needs to up his EQ, unless you want him to go through life without friends.

I grew up with someone like your son and she has very few friends. You are giving the same vibes - no one is teasing your kid for being smart at a private school. They are interested in other things. He needs to learn to find common ground. You pursuing the fallacy that he is smarter than the other kids at his school will not be helpful in the long run.



Like I said, he's gotten better. But his interests haven't changed, and that's where the issue is. How do I convince him to watch YouTube videos on Roblox instead of military history? I created a more appropriate playlist of video game videos last week and he was pretty angry about it.

I do not think he is smarter than the other kids. He does, because they tell them so. I don't know how to stop that until they do.


He is smarter than the other kids. Even at a private school.
You may need to look at magnet options (TJ, Blair depending on where you live) to get him with other like-minded kids.

Your current pool is too small.
He will find his group, and go through life with other bright inquisitive friends who don't have their heads stuck in gaming 24x7.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 14:36     Subject: Re:11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
[mastodon]
Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.


Possibly the nuttiest advice I’ve ever read on dcum
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2024 13:29     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.


It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.