Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

This. And ignore all the blame the victim responses on here. As someone who was bullied two months is a long time. Find out what you can about virtual school and pull her out now.

The bullying was last year in 8th, and yet they decided to stay on, and OP is only coming to ask for opinions in March of 9th grade. So, pardon me, but I have a different read on this. We are not victim-blaming. We're saying: her daughter is capable of sticking it out, and switching now to virtual for 2 months would perhaps have a deleterious effect on college admissions. Does she want to give those gossip girls that much power over her future?

So. Let's not dramatize here. I'll note in passing that OP never came back and explained the details of the bullying. I understand she might not want to identify her family, but usually when it's egregious, you can tell immediately. Again, not victim-blaming, but let's just say I find enough vagueness in the thread to not immediately jump to the Do Virtual Now Option. I agree with all the posters who explained that girl groups are fluid in adolescence and plenty of girls find themselves excluded for a while, only to form new friendships. Kids can be casually disrespectful towards one another, and enough kids gossip and spread rumors that it's unavoidable in a school setting.

My daughter is in a "good, safe" public school in Bethesda, and has found exactly one friend. The two of them avoid the girls who throw themselves at boys, they avoid the worst of the gossip, and they have zingers at the ready if someone tries to target them. They give a wide berth to the few physical students who shove other kids into lockers. My son at the same age did the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.

This. And ignore all the blame the victim responses on here. As someone who was bullied two months is a long time. Find out what you can about virtual school and pull her out now.

Anonymous wrote:I dont think she needs to” stick it out”. Imagine if we had no say in where we worked, who we hung out with and the environment we were in everyday. She's still a child and telling you that she needs help. To me, mental health above any academics. I would absolutely support her even if it if meant online school. Two months when you are 13 will not dictate her entire life, even academically. That being said, try to help her find a place and purpose, meaning an activity/ volunteer/ something. I think the lesson is, it's brave to realize something isn't working and that we can make changes when things are bad.

Anonymous wrote:one of the reasons for private is that there are greater resources for addressing this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of private school.
This is on you.

You failed. Move her now to public.

And stay there.

You think public would be better?

Anonymous wrote:Get her out of private school.
This is on you.

You failed. Move her now to public.

And stay there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to stick out the next couple months.

You need to go up the chain and enlist the administration now. You can email head of upper school with counselor CC'd. There could be someone else to set her up with. Your DD may need to realize the choice is to sit alone, sit with this not great group, or make friends with someone she otherwise would not gravitate towards who perhaps is more on the outs also.

Maybe every couple weeks take her out at lunchtime for an "appointment" if you are able, or on a less important/academic day let her have a day off/mental health day.

See if there is an activity she can get involved with at school this spring that gives her some purpose or connection at the school.

*Again- you need to call and speak with the head of upper school. You are at a private school, not public- they should be working with you more on this to make sure your child isn't miserable.

OP here. I have talked to the administration and asked if there was a safe place for her to eat lunch. The principal said there were no such place and had an attitude of "if you don't like it, leave," which is exactly what we're doing. My daughter was called into the office to talk about the situation and the principal thought she "might be part of the problem" and that if she tried harder to get along with them, maybe they wouldn't be gossiping about her. I was appalled.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would let her. I was bullied and it was hell on earth. I would not let my child stay someplace where she was that miserable. Mental health matters. Years from now she won’t remember the bit of the curriculum she missed, but she will remember that her happiness was important to you.