Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 00:48     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:Before we met, I had a hobby that I participated in at a semi-pro level, for lack of a better description. It was expensive, fairly risky, and health/opportunity-dependent. Think sky diving or scuba diving. It brought me so much joy, but seasons change, and for all those reasons, I no longer participate. I could, but it would take even more money and a lot of logistical hoops to start up again.

DH really wants me to go get back to it. I'm ambivalent. I like the idea, but not enough to jump through the hoops. The problem is, he sometimes made snide remarks about me quitting. I am 100% certain they're meant to jar me into action, but all they all know is annoy me.

How do I let him know this isn't going to happen again?



Are we married to the same man? DH is so disappointed I have no interest in rock climbing anymore, despite having been quite good before kids. Really, I don't want to. I would rather stay at the four seasons than a tent or camper at the bottom of a crag. I just say maybe someday, but not anytime soon. Crazy thing is I'm still extremely fit and love running and yoga, so it really is just about the sport and the risk involved. I do have my eye on the senior category for the spartan races when I retire.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 00:35     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:Despite what you say, OP, you sound depressed without realizing that is shading how you present.

Sometimes you just have to do something, and then keep doing it, to jar your brain out of the groove it is in that keeps you from being able to do something different.


i agree with this.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2024 00:24     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Guy’s perspective here Husbands should support and encourage not judge and critique
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 17:41     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Op, the pilot pp seems like they have some good advice. Maybe look into another hobby that would give you a similar kind of rush? I thought of sailing. Ever try that? From what I’ve been told, Annapolis is the sailing capital of the world
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 17:12     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is saying you are mopey and depressed. Find something anything that brings you joy and show him you are ok.


Gotta say, having to perform happiness and joy is really joy-killing.

Sounds like OP isn't very happy but just isn't in a place right now where she's going to be able to get really happy. I'd guess from what she's saying that she doesn't feel physically great, doesn't feel financially fantastic, and feels like caring for kids - and maybe also working - is already taking up her time.

You do different things and feel different things at different times of life. That's ok. I could see a husband asking OP what she wants and giving her the time and allocating $ to do it. But to be constantly pressured when you already feel like you're stretched? F no. That's not being supportive, that's adding to stress and annoyance.


I think a partner has a right to not live with a person who is depressed and not taking steps to address it. It’s not healthy for relationship or for kids. Being in a family means you don’t just get to think about yourself.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 16:23     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Ask him if he wants you to die so he can be rid of you and get insurance money. Every time.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 16:10     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
I'd feel harassed and maybe belittled to have this continually brought up. If and when you want to pursue a hobby, this or something else, you will.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 16:06     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is saying you are mopey and depressed. Find something anything that brings you joy and show him you are ok.


Gotta say, having to perform happiness and joy is really joy-killing.

Sounds like OP isn't very happy but just isn't in a place right now where she's going to be able to get really happy. I'd guess from what she's saying that she doesn't feel physically great, doesn't feel financially fantastic, and feels like caring for kids - and maybe also working - is already taking up her time.

You do different things and feel different things at different times of life. That's ok. I could see a husband asking OP what she wants and giving her the time and allocating $ to do it. But to be constantly pressured when you already feel like you're stretched? F no. That's not being supportive, that's adding to stress and annoyance.


You nailed it. Life is overwhelming, but I am 100% convinced it's just the season - obviously if this had happened when I was 19 and had no responsibilities and could blow money on whatever I wanted, things would have been different.

But PP is also correct that I'll be an empty nester before I know it, so maybe I just need to start breaking down the hurdles into manageable steps and consider it a long-term goal.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 15:41     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you considered Light Sport? It would get you back into the “greens and blues” level of flying without having to take on the special issuance headache. You already know that the professional pilot lifestyle isn’t for you, so there’s no reason to push for a higher level medical cert. You could self-certify for Light Sport and then decide later whether to go after a 3rd class.

-Another pilot, who understands that dealing with the FAA medical office sometimes just makes the whole thing not worth it


I have. I would have lose weight (I am not obese, but not LSA thin ). Right now my theoretical plan is the 3rd class + special issuance and then BasicMed, but you know...hurdles, be they weight loss or the FAA.


Yeah, I get it. Some LSAs actually have a pretty decent useful load, I've seen 200+ lb guys fly them solo ... but I assume at some point you'd want to take a passenger, which is when the combined weight gets to be an issue. Keep an eye on MOSAIC - if that ever actually comes through, it could be your answer!

In the meantime, if the SI is too much of a headache, I'd be pretty firm with DH about it: "I love flying, but have zero interest in dealing with the medical process. I'll reconsider when the FAA changes the LSA limits. Until then, please shut up about it." And then go buy a motorcycle - it's almost as much fun (and about the same level of risk).
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 14:49     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is he pressuring you? Does he think you miss it? Does he want to live vicariously through you?


He knows I miss it. He knows how much joy it brought me.


He's looking for a solution for you. Are you telegraphing unhappiness and wistfulness?


I'm very lonely and isolated. I've never had many interests outside of this particular activity, but like I said - hurdles. I know that sounds like depression, but it's not. It's just a LOT of hurdles. Example: if this was scuba diving, I would need ear surgery across the state, then months of healing, then all replacement gear, then academic work, then pool work...

You get the idea.


NP. Okay, I get it. Can you take up another hobby, something less intense? Try other things. FWIW, I NEVER thought I'd like yoga, but here we are, with me doing it four times a week. At the same time, tell him straightfowrard without smiling "I am not going back to horsebackriding. Your snide comments will not spur (ha ha!) me into doing it, they just make me angry at you for being mean. So stop it. I don't want to hear your obnoxious comments about it ever again. Are we clear?"
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 14:41     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:Have you considered Light Sport? It would get you back into the “greens and blues” level of flying without having to take on the special issuance headache. You already know that the professional pilot lifestyle isn’t for you, so there’s no reason to push for a higher level medical cert. You could self-certify for Light Sport and then decide later whether to go after a 3rd class.

-Another pilot, who understands that dealing with the FAA medical office sometimes just makes the whole thing not worth it


I have. I would have lose weight (I am not obese, but not LSA thin ). Right now my theoretical plan is the 3rd class + special issuance and then BasicMed, but you know...hurdles, be they weight loss or the FAA.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 14:36     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Have you considered Light Sport? It would get you back into the “greens and blues” level of flying without having to take on the special issuance headache. You already know that the professional pilot lifestyle isn’t for you, so there’s no reason to push for a higher level medical cert. You could self-certify for Light Sport and then decide later whether to go after a 3rd class.

-Another pilot, who understands that dealing with the FAA medical office sometimes just makes the whole thing not worth it
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 14:12     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:He is saying you are mopey and depressed. Find something anything that brings you joy and show him you are ok.


Gotta say, having to perform happiness and joy is really joy-killing.

Sounds like OP isn't very happy but just isn't in a place right now where she's going to be able to get really happy. I'd guess from what she's saying that she doesn't feel physically great, doesn't feel financially fantastic, and feels like caring for kids - and maybe also working - is already taking up her time.

You do different things and feel different things at different times of life. That's ok. I could see a husband asking OP what she wants and giving her the time and allocating $ to do it. But to be constantly pressured when you already feel like you're stretched? F no. That's not being supportive, that's adding to stress and annoyance.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 14:05     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, you have a lot of incentive to deal with the T1D. I think you will feel better just by working on that, and so will your DH. And then get back to flying. Having something to look forward to post-kids being at home is huge to manage empty nest. GL!


It's under control. Convincing the FAA of that is another matter.

But you're right about the empty nest. I hadn't considered that.


Yeah, OP, I'm at the age where a lot of us are dealing with having left a fulfilling career to focus on our kids and suddenly we have no identity AND miss the kids. It really s*cks. A few of my group started working on Chapter 2 before the kids left and are doing better. I went back to my freelance work, but it's hard because the world has changed so much. So while this has helped, I really need to come up with something that will fulfill me. With any luck, I have another 35 to 40 years left. I can't spend the rest of my days waiting for my kids to come home from college, then only live for the possibility of grandkids.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2024 13:55     Subject: DH pressuring me to do something I can't
My brother has a private pilots license as a T1. Is yours well controlled with documentation? It was a pain to get all the proper documentation but well worth it.