Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like DCUM often says that everyone gets 50/50, but when I look at the divorced, separated and never married families I know there is a huge variety. I worked for many years a teacher of kids young enough that I knew the basics of custody, and it's not all 50/50. In my own family, my ex moved 1600 miles away. We don't have 50/50. I have niblings where mom chose to take very little time with the kids. They don't have 50/50.

I think it's fair to say that barring major issues like abuse, or mental illness that are very well documented, if both parents live within a reasonable distance of each other, and both parents want as much custody as they can get, the court will likely order 50/50, so you might as well save your money and get to that place through mediation. But "everyone ends up with 50/50" is a DCUM myth.

It’s not a “choice” Mom gets to make. You make it sound like custody is presumed to be mom’s unless she says otherwise. That isn’t how it works. The law says it is presumed to be 50/50 unless the parties negotiate something else. That is the problem with posts like yours that start with “I feel like.” Your “feelings” are invalid and irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

It’s sad you are so negative about men. All the men I know are very involved dads and do everything.

You must be a statistical anomoly, because actual research shows men consistently do less.

Let me guess, the studies are with women. No, we are not an anomaly. Most of the dads I know are very active and involved.

+1, I handle more of the work on all the signups and logistics of sports and other ECs, DW handles most of the medical stuff, I do more with school events/homework/projects, she does more with arranging playdates, I cook and grocery shop, she buys clothes and does some laundry (with an assist from hired help who also does all the housecleaning), etc. At times we both probably feel like we're doing more than our share of household responsibilities (and some weeks that will be true for one or the other, especially if we're slammed with work), but long term and big picture the reality is it's a pretty even split.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like DCUM often says that everyone gets 50/50, but when I look at the divorced, separated and never married families I know there is a huge variety. I worked for many years a teacher of kids young enough that I knew the basics of custody, and it's not all 50/50. In my own family, my ex moved 1600 miles away. We don't have 50/50. I have niblings where mom chose to take very little time with the kids. They don't have 50/50.

I think it's fair to say that barring major issues like abuse, or mental illness that are very well documented, if both parents live within a reasonable distance of each other, and both parents want as much custody as they can get, the court will likely order 50/50, so you might as well save your money and get to that place through mediation. But "everyone ends up with 50/50" is a DCUM myth.

Anonymous wrote:Go with what your attorney says. Everyone on here says it’s going to be 50/50 no matter what if the dad wants it, and that’s not true. My case went to trial and dad got every other weekend.

Anonymous wrote:Most men don't want to see their children.

My friend who is a divorce lawyer says the new thing (last 15 years) with women is forcing their H's to take the kids 50/50, instead of fighting for more custody to maximize child support, but that's because most women she represents have their own money. Also, they sincerely want their ex's to be part of their children's lives so they force it through the courts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

It’s sad you are so negative about men. All the men I know are very involved dads and do everything.

You must be a statistical anomoly, because actual research shows men consistently do less.

Let me guess, the studies are with women. No, we are not an anomaly. Most of the dads I know are very active and involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

It’s sad you are so negative about men. All the men I know are very involved dads and do everything.

You must be a statistical anomoly, because actual research shows men consistently do less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

It’s sad you are so negative about men. All the men I know are very involved dads and do everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …