Anonymous wrote:The problem I’m
Seeing with some of these answers is that resting, chilling, relaxing, seems to mean screens. Kids should be able to find other ways to rest, chill, relax without being stimulated by a video game, show or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My k & 3rd grader get home like 6:30pm on school days. There is no chores for them because they need to rest. I allow unlimited screentime. We have no dog to walk and we do carry out or rush for cooking dinner. On weekend, they also have classes that take like 1-4 hours on average and sometimes party/activities to attend for an extra few hours. We let them rest and play. I grew up no need doing any chores because my mom/dad did all.

What chores could kids do at these ages?

My 2 and 4yo’s chores are:
- Choose weather appropriate clothes and dress (4yo only)
- Set and clear their places at meals
- Tidying up their toys after playing
- Put trash they generate (broken crayons, ripped paper, etc) in the trash can
- Help with household chores like: loading and unloading the dishwasher, moving furniture for vacuuming, mopping the floor, sorting/folding/putting away laundry

Anonymous wrote:My k & 3rd grader get home like 6:30pm on school days. There is no chores for them because they need to rest. I allow unlimited screentime. We have no dog to walk and we do carry out or rush for cooking dinner. On weekend, they also have classes that take like 1-4 hours on average and sometimes party/activities to attend for an extra few hours. We let them rest and play. I grew up no need doing any chores because my mom/dad did all.

What chores could kids do at these ages?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid each in elementary, middle, and high school. At no time during the school week were they ever allowed to turn the tv on or be on electronics.

Order of things when they get home is put stuff away (bags, lunchboxes, etc.), snack, do homework if not yet done, and chores if they wanted to. Then they read or play.

Do they get bored? Of course they do. But complaining about being bored means I give them additional chores. Like going through the toys to make a pile of toys they want to give away since they’re “bored” with them, or cleaning the bathrooms or yardwork. I can’t recall the last time they’ve complained about being bored.

Sometimes they ask to watch tv and sometimes I’ll say yes but only if they can all agree on something to watch without fighting.

We let our HS seniors use unlimited screens once all their college apps were in. We figured it gave them time to figure out how to self regulate with a bit of input from us, before they were off at college with total freedom/access.

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid each in elementary, middle, and high school. At no time during the school week were they ever allowed to turn the tv on or be on electronics.

Order of things when they get home is put stuff away (bags, lunchboxes, etc.), snack, do homework if not yet done, and chores if they wanted to. Then they read or play.

Do they get bored? Of course they do. But complaining about being bored means I give them additional chores. Like going through the toys to make a pile of toys they want to give away since they’re “bored” with them, or cleaning the bathrooms or yardwork. I can’t recall the last time they’ve complained about being bored.

Sometimes they ask to watch tv and sometimes I’ll say yes but only if they can all agree on something to watch without fighting.

Anonymous wrote:Op here again. One thing that was my best “ploy” and sort of works.. is resulting in a strange effect.

It was working, mind you :)

We started small. They got home, or on a Saturday they’d say “can we watch X or play Y video game?”

I started “do this one task” and then you’re free to play.

The next day, I gave 2 tasks. The next day 3. I worked up to 4.

The tasks are a mix of play, chores, school, helping me, etc. It depends on the kid.

After months of this 4-chore system. Or sometimes on weekends I give them more, or I give them collective projects to work on together… Here is the strange effect. They are just slogging through the work and they hate it. …. Even though some of it is “play outside with friends for a little while.” Or sometimes it’s “pick up 20 things in your room.” “Read 15 minutes” or “practice basketball.”

So I’m teaching them to hate life.

I sort of stopped this whole thing. We go back and forth, if I really really have something for them to do, I give them a chore.

And the other strange effect is now screens are seen as the ultimate thing to work toward. Because of this, now I’ve set a few screen-free days. But, all in all they do the chores and then feel so entitled to be on screens. I made it the ultimate reward.

Ugh.

All I was trying to do is teach “work before play” and I created something else.

Help!!

Anonymous wrote:Over a long long period of time I hope to teach my kids “Work before play.”

Now there’s always a little bit of rest-play-work in balance ..

However, when you’re a simple middle schooler or ES kid, math homework or cleaning your room —YES—should come before 2 hours of sitting in front of a screen.

And knowing my kids, once the screen comes on, there’s not a lot of bouncing back into responsibility. I remember when I was a kid watching afternoon shows, about 5:00 I’d get my backpack out and do HW.

These days, we live in a different world. Screens never run out of stuff. The kids content never ends. My MSer doesn’t even get home until 4:45.

How do I teach work before play? What’s effective? How do you balance rest / play / responsibility?

Also I will add things I’ve tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, in a second post….

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Checking in. One thing we may transition to doing is having them build this skill on their own.

So. Maybe we keep the 1-4 chores before screens. Maybe we cap the screens as well. (Hard when they get a staggered start.)

But instead of me listing out their stuff

We do:
1 zone they’re in charge of for the week - check that zone. Hopefully this also helps them keep it clean.

Build up to 1 physical goal, 1 school goal and they can set this to work on daily or weekly.

As long as they are doing those things, and we cap the screens (keep it fairly independent of the tasks), they have a lot more trust, freedom, privilege, and respect for themselves.

They can change the zone weekly. They can change the school and other goals. But we’ll help them. The biggest can change to this quickly. The youngest, we might do this alongside him.