Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I can’t imagine going on a date who couldn’t buy me a cup of coffee. I would be fine with buying my own coffee.

I went to college and grad school with wealthy students so I never hung out with any guys who wouldn’t buy me dinner. DH was not wealthy but also bought me dinner all the time with the little money he did have. He now earns a seven figure income.

I didn’t know or associate with guys who would not buy dinner on a date. How cheap!!

There's nothing wrong with not being interested in a walking date. It is wrong to judge someone as 'cheap' for rejecting the "pay to play" paradigm of traditional dating.

You have also contradicted yourself. You are not fine buying your own cup of coffee. You expect men to pay even, in your own words, when they had little money (I have no idea what your DH's currently makes has to do with anything). Again, it's fine if a walking date isn't your thing but don't think you aren't charging an access fee.

Pp again. I can’t imagine going on a date who couldn’t buy me a cup of coffee. I would be fine with buying my own coffee.

I went to college and grad school with wealthy students so I never hung out with any guys who wouldn’t buy me dinner. DH was not wealthy but also bought me dinner all the time with the little money he did have. He now earns a seven figure income.

I didn’t know or associate with guys who would not buy dinner on a date. How cheap!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so old (age). I have been with Dh for over 20 years and never got to do online dating.

I was thinking about heels and walking. I would not want to go on a walking date on a first date, assuming I made some effort and got dressed to go on this date.

Is the disagreement about walking so the guy doesn’t have to buy coffee or dinner?

That sounds cheap and awful. I would not want to go on a walking date. If I liked the guy and I was wearing comfortable shoes and the weather was nice, I would love to take a walk AFTER coffee or dinner or a drink.

I don't understand. When you used to go on first dates, did you not discuss beforehand where you were going/what you would be doing? How else would you know how to dress?

I agree that I wouldn't want to go walking if we were supposed to have coffee or dinner. That kind of switch up isn't a good sign.

I actually went on a lot of dates back in the day. It was always dinner or lunch or maybe it was a non date and we met up at a bar but I would be with other friends. My dates were with people I already met or knew. It is different these days because a first date could be with someone you never met before.

Even now with my husband 20 years later, if we are going on a date, I get dressed up and put on heels.

I have never been asked on a walking date. During Covid, I would meet up with a friend and go on a walk and bring my own drink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

This. Dating is an investment of time and resources. You're telling stories about yourself with your choices and actions, not just your words. You don't need to go overboard (that's just the opposite side of this problem), but you shouldn't skimp, either.

You and the PP, clearly, don't consider time a 'resource'. You, just as clearly, consider money the superior resource - an 'ante' a man has to pony up in order to play your dating game. How old fashioned and patriarchal. It's a new millennium.

I'm 58 and much prefer a walking first date. My time is far more valuable than a cup of coffee or lunch. There's less pressure, I like movement, I like seeing things and it's a great opportunity to see if there's potential between us. If it goes well, we can get coffee afterwards.

As a woman I don’t have time or desire to walk with some random guy. If he’s so cheap that he needs a one hour walk to see if it’s worth spending a $3 on tea of coffee, no point even to meet. All my first dates are video check ins, or coffee intro at a favorite bakery

But I am puzzled why OPs GF has such a bitter attitude about other men. When someone offers a walking date you just say no - problem solved. I was never offered one, in fact, men go overboard picking expensive restaurants or venues as first date after we had a video call.

That’s weird and she needs a therapist.

Oh sweetie, there’s a term for people like you.

Dinner whore, you mean? I never agree and a typical date is still coffee. After that we alternate planing dates and paying, if there is mutual interest

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

This. Dating is an investment of time and resources. You're telling stories about yourself with your choices and actions, not just your words. You don't need to go overboard (that's just the opposite side of this problem), but you shouldn't skimp, either.

You and the PP, clearly, don't consider time a 'resource'. You, just as clearly, consider money the superior resource - an 'ante' a man has to pony up in order to play your dating game. How old fashioned and patriarchal. It's a new millennium.

I'm 58 and much prefer a walking first date. My time is far more valuable than a cup of coffee or lunch. There's less pressure, I like movement, I like seeing things and it's a great opportunity to see if there's potential between us. If it goes well, we can get coffee afterwards.

As a woman I don’t have time or desire to walk with some random guy. If he’s so cheap that he needs a one hour walk to see if it’s worth spending a $3 on tea of coffee, no point even to meet. All my first dates are video check ins, or coffee intro at a favorite bakery

But I am puzzled why OPs GF has such a bitter attitude about other men. When someone offers a walking date you just say no - problem solved. I was never offered one, in fact, men go overboard picking expensive restaurants or venues as first date after we had a video call.

That’s weird and she needs a therapist.

Oh sweetie, there’s a term for people like you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married, but I always liked a happy hour first date. I would try to get there a little early and get my own glass of wine, that way I could dip out easily after one drink if I wasn’t feeling it, and if we did hit it off we could segue into dinner.

A walk date seems awkward because there’s not a natural end point.

What, pray tell, is the 'natural end point' of a date at a bar?

I’m talking about a weeknight happy hour - after work & before dinner. Neither party expects to hang out for hours (but the option is right there to get a table and have dinner if you really hit it off and want to keep the date going after you finish your drink).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

This. Dating is an investment of time and resources. You're telling stories about yourself with your choices and actions, not just your words. You don't need to go overboard (that's just the opposite side of this problem), but you shouldn't skimp, either.

You and the PP, clearly, don't consider time a 'resource'. You, just as clearly, consider money the superior resource - an 'ante' a man has to pony up in order to play your dating game. How old fashioned and patriarchal. It's a new millennium.

I'm 58 and much prefer a walking first date. My time is far more valuable than a cup of coffee or lunch. There's less pressure, I like movement, I like seeing things and it's a great opportunity to see if there's potential between us. If it goes well, we can get coffee afterwards.

As a woman I don’t have time or desire to walk with some random guy. If he’s so cheap that he needs a one hour walk to see if it’s worth spending a $3 on tea of coffee, no point even to meet. All my first dates are video check ins, or coffee intro at a favorite bakery

But I am puzzled why OPs GF has such a bitter attitude about other men. When someone offers a walking date you just say no - problem solved. I was never offered one, in fact, men go overboard picking expensive restaurants or venues as first date after we had a video call.

That’s weird and she needs a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:I’m married, but I always liked a happy hour first date. I would try to get there a little early and get my own glass of wine, that way I could dip out easily after one drink if I wasn’t feeling it, and if we did hit it off we could segue into dinner.

A walk date seems awkward because there’s not a natural end point.

+1

It also seems harder to have chemistry/spark on a walking date as a first date.

I think it's a great subsequent date, especially walking around a point of interest like the zoo.

Anonymous wrote:I’m so old (age). I have been with Dh for over 20 years and never got to do online dating.

I was thinking about heels and walking. I would not want to go on a walking date on a first date, assuming I made some effort and got dressed to go on this date.

Is the disagreement about walking so the guy doesn’t have to buy coffee or dinner?

That sounds cheap and awful. I would not want to go on a walking date. If I liked the guy and I was wearing comfortable shoes and the weather was nice, I would love to take a walk AFTER coffee or dinner or a drink.

I don't understand. When you used to go on first dates, did you not discuss beforehand where you were going/what you would be doing? How else would you know how to dress?

I agree that I wouldn't want to go walking if we were supposed to have coffee or dinner. That kind of switch up isn't a good sign.

Anonymous wrote:I’m married, but I always liked a happy hour first date. I would try to get there a little early and get my own glass of wine, that way I could dip out easily after one drink if I wasn’t feeling it, and if we did hit it off we could segue into dinner.

A walk date seems awkward because there’s not a natural end point.

What, pray tell, is the 'natural end point' of a date at a bar?

Anonymous wrote:Walking first dates are sketchy b/c it's hard to tell your people where you'll be. I don't want to go on a hike with a random I only recently met. Good way to end up unalived in the woods.

You are correct which is why no one in their right mind would go on a hike as a first date.

A walking date would take place in a local that is populated and has something of interest - a walk around the monuments, a walk along the waterfront, a walk around an outdoor art installation, etc. Part of the 'evaluation of potential' is the location your date suggests or their reaction to your suggestion.

I met my husband in college 25 years ago. We met through friends at a dance and occasionally ran into each other at a party or out getting ice cream, but our first planned date became a walking date. We were supposed to meet up with friends at a campus event, but got there and decided to just keep walking. We didn’t have sex, but he did end up spending the night in my room and then we went to brunch together the next morning.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I met via online dating and we are deeply in love. However, we have an ongoing debate about walking dates as a first date and I would like to hear some opinions.

She believes it is a sign of disrespect and that the man who invites her on a walking date just doesn't want to spend any money.

I on the other hand believe it is just fine as a first date, as you get to know someone in a casual way.

First dates are video calls now. No one has time for coffee or walks with every online rando.

A walking date? Huh?

Walking first dates are sketchy b/c it's hard to tell your people where you'll be. I don't want to go on a hike with a random I only recently met. Good way to end up unalived in the woods.