Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

It’s actually about a power balance. Having to work and come up with a ring indicates he’ll work and support his family while his wife endures the ordeal of childbirth, etc. Your brand of feminism has ruined women’s lives. Women aren’t men.

Can you please explain how what you describe is a "balance of power"?

My husband popped the question spontaneously and I never had an engagement ring because he was about to buy a house and all of his money went to a down payment. My wedding ring may have cost $250. For our 25th anniversary I had a beautiful ring designed that I cherish. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and I could care less about not getting a ring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they’re poor?

No, they aren't. Both of them have good jobs and so do their partners.

College loans and credit debt or saving for a home?

Unless man and woman both give each other rings, it's sexist.

Anonymous wrote:My sister and another friend got "engaged" recently. None of them had rings and in the case of my sister, there was not even a proposal, just her and the guy agreeing on a date to get married later this year. I feel like it sets the bar very low for their partners and it's not something women should be ok with. My husband too popped the question without one and it felt incredibly informal, as if he wasn't serious about getting married. I told him that a ring was important to me and he popped the question again a week later with a ring.

A ring doesn't even need to be expensive, there are many cute rings for less than $500. It's the symbolism behind it that's important. It doesn't seem that my friend and sister are being taken seriously by their men, but they look like they're ok with it which is baffling. Women should stop pretending to be cool girls and set higher standards for their partners.

What symbolism? It's a made up tradition supported by jewelry industry. Before internet it was a sign as people didn't know you got engaged, now you can announce on social media.

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

I’m surprised it took 3 pages to get here; this was my reaction. The woman waiting for a man to ask, and give her something of value as essentially a contract, is deeply gendered. That doesn’t mean the marriage necessarily follows that way, but read the millions of threads here about women feeling like they dont have equal partners… so I respect any couple that starts out of the gate eschewing that symbolism.

Because you don't need a ring to get engaged and some people would rather spend their money on something that doesn't lose the vast majority of its value the instant you hand over your credit card.

Also because not everyone is as old fashioned as you - the idea of having to put a down payment on your future wife is so misogynistic.

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you are not a troll, OP I would be less concerned about the ring and other trappings of the wedding and more concerned about how stable and long-term the guy seems to be. When I used to follow Babycenter a few years ago, I was shocked by the plethora of women who had multiple kids with their “fiance” or kids with multiple fathers. Opened my eyes to a different way of life. You don’t want your sister to join those ranks so make sure she thinks the guy will stick around.

This.

Be a witness at their legal marriage and make sure the ceremony person turns the signed docs in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. These women are being a little bit pick-me.

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth.

JFC to the bolded. They are being a picky me for NOT caring about rings?

+1 I think the poster meant “pick me” as in conscious social signaling to try to get guy to pick you over other girls. But it’s not like I was making (and him watching) TikToks about it before we went of a first date. To have an engagement ring or not, it is a private decision for the couple.

Anonymous wrote:Rings mean nothing. My parents have been married for 47 years and never had rings. Do you honestly think couples with rings are more likely to stay together? That’s so sweetly naive.

My parents never had engagement rings either. They had wedding rings but lost them travelling. My dad bought my mom a ring she really loves for her birthday, after they'd been married for 30 years, and that's the ring she wears daily and loves. They'll celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

It’s actually about a power balance. Having to work and come up with a ring indicates he’ll work and support his family while his wife endures the ordeal of childbirth, etc. Your brand of feminism has ruined women’s lives. Women aren’t men.

I got engaged via a conversation with my DH where we decided we wanted to get married. No proposal. I decided I liked the symbolism of a ring so we bought one together a few months later, a very simple band with a small diamond because I didn't want to spend a lot of money when we were saving for a house. My DH would have bought me something more expensive, but I worried if we got a larger ring I wouldn't wear it every day, and I wanted something to remind me of him every day.

When I had a baby, my DH supported our family for 3 years while I stayed home.

My "brand" of feminism involves talking and treating each other with mutual respect, making joint decisions in which both people's priorities are considered and respected. Not blindly following traditions with the assumption that men must be entrapped into doing the right thing, and women are helpless and passive.

But you do you. I don't care one way or another what other couples do when they decide to get married, as long as everyone is consenting.

I always thought the engagement ring was a creepy tradition. Why is only the woman marked as taken but the man has nothing to signify he is engaged?

Anonymous wrote:You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. These women are being a little bit pick-me.

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth.

JFC to the bolded. They are being a picky me for NOT caring about rings?

Rings mean nothing. My parents have been married for 47 years and never had rings. Do you honestly think couples with rings are more likely to stay together? That’s so sweetly naive.

You sound like someone who sells diamonds that nobody is buying anymore. I'd buy Bitcoin over diamonds anytime.