Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:40
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!
Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?
Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.
Except OP doesn’t want sex with randos - he wants to freeze in time a status quo with someone he knows and trusts - no growth, no shifting or changing. Nothing’s forever, including many marriages. OP - 6 months seems to be a good run for what you’re looking for
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:39
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
Despite what people here tell you, there are plenty of women out there capable of having an NSA relationship without falling in love. You're either treating them as girlfriends and providing emotional support beyond that of basic respect or you're subconsciously targeting women who are looking for more even if they say they don't. It's impossible to tell.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:36
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!
Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?
Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:35
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:get a sugar baby instead.
what woman wants to be used like that?
Nobody is getting used, unless you consider sex to be degrading to women.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:32
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!
Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:24
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
If you just want a “hook up as needed,” I suggest you buy one of those blow up dolls.
Real women are not one dimensional, and have needs that extend beyond the physical.
Real women are not one dimensional, and have needs that extend beyond the physical.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 21:21
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Have affairs with married 40 somethings that live a very comfortable life and are just bored.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 19:16
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most humans aren’t designed for sport sex, once the chemicals start flowing biology takes over.
+1
BUT it’s also possible to go through the whole cycle of
1. crazy attraction—>
2. normal level of attraction—>
3. familiar but still have chemistry—>
4. chemistry cools enough to be true FWB
all without getting serious with someone. You might end up loving the person as friend, but it’s not the frantic lusty stuff from the early days and you don’t *need* to be with the person.
Going from being crazy attracted to someone your sleeping with to that decreasing to just a body would make the sec go from amazing to meh.
OP seems to want the experience of sleeping within someone who is crazy attracted to him while expecting them to mentally partition that off and treat him as a body outside that. I mean, sure, if you like to play act at scenes. But otherwise, at some point the other person will realize the jig is up and that the "more" they crave (and that is a key part of the emotional cascade of their attraction) is pure fantasy.
OP here . I didn't date for 14 months nor had sex with anyone post divorce. I spent that time reflecting on my past mistakes and also what worked. When I went back on the dating scene most of my friends especially the married ones strangely enough were encouraging me to just do hookups and some were even kind of envious. Right now I am not seeing anyone for casual hookups and frankly I will keep it this way. I'm not a narcissist, there is nothing special about me. For awhile I just fell in the trap of "living my best life with no commitments" and I realized that's not me. I'm also not comfortable switching partners at the rate I change my underwears.
You answered your own question. You are not the type for casual hookups. People who are comfortable sleeping around with zero commitment are wired very differently from the rest of us.
Exactly - OP, when you say your x FWB wanted more - what exactly did they want and what was different from what you wanted / what the situations were?
Anonymous
03/01/2024 19:04
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most humans aren’t designed for sport sex, once the chemicals start flowing biology takes over.
+1
BUT it’s also possible to go through the whole cycle of
1. crazy attraction—>
2. normal level of attraction—>
3. familiar but still have chemistry—>
4. chemistry cools enough to be true FWB
all without getting serious with someone. You might end up loving the person as friend, but it’s not the frantic lusty stuff from the early days and you don’t *need* to be with the person.
Going from being crazy attracted to someone your sleeping with to that decreasing to just a body would make the sec go from amazing to meh.
OP seems to want the experience of sleeping within someone who is crazy attracted to him while expecting them to mentally partition that off and treat him as a body outside that. I mean, sure, if you like to play act at scenes. But otherwise, at some point the other person will realize the jig is up and that the "more" they crave (and that is a key part of the emotional cascade of their attraction) is pure fantasy.
OP here . I didn't date for 14 months nor had sex with anyone post divorce. I spent that time reflecting on my past mistakes and also what worked. When I went back on the dating scene most of my friends especially the married ones strangely enough were encouraging me to just do hookups and some were even kind of envious. Right now I am not seeing anyone for casual hookups and frankly I will keep it this way. I'm not a narcissist, there is nothing special about me. For awhile I just fell in the trap of "living my best life with no commitments" and I realized that's not me. I'm also not comfortable switching partners at the rate I change my underwears.
You answered your own question. You are not the type for casual hookups. People who are comfortable sleeping around with zero commitment are wired very differently from the rest of us.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 19:01
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most humans aren’t designed for sport sex, once the chemicals start flowing biology takes over.
+1
BUT it’s also possible to go through the whole cycle of
1. crazy attraction—>
2. normal level of attraction—>
3. familiar but still have chemistry—>
4. chemistry cools enough to be true FWB
all without getting serious with someone. You might end up loving the person as friend, but it’s not the frantic lusty stuff from the early days and you don’t *need* to be with the person.
Going from being crazy attracted to someone your sleeping with to that decreasing to just a body would make the sec go from amazing to meh.
OP seems to want the experience of sleeping within someone who is crazy attracted to him while expecting them to mentally partition that off and treat him as a body outside that. I mean, sure, if you like to play act at scenes. But otherwise, at some point the other person will realize the jig is up and that the "more" they crave (and that is a key part of the emotional cascade of their attraction) is pure fantasy.
OP here . I didn't date for 14 months nor had sex with anyone post divorce. I spent that time reflecting on my past mistakes and also what worked. When I went back on the dating scene most of my friends especially the married ones strangely enough were encouraging me to just do hookups and some were even kind of envious. Right now I am not seeing anyone for casual hookups and frankly I will keep it this way. I'm not a narcissist, there is nothing special about me. For awhile I just fell in the trap of "living my best life with no commitments" and I realized that's not me. I'm also not comfortable switching partners at the rate I change my underwears.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 18:38
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
OP if you just want sex hire an escort. Escorts will.never fall for you. They just your money and you want their pus***y. To me that's a win win.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 18:07
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most humans aren’t designed for sport sex, once the chemicals start flowing biology takes over.
+1
BUT it’s also possible to go through the whole cycle of
1. crazy attraction—>
2. normal level of attraction—>
3. familiar but still have chemistry—>
4. chemistry cools enough to be true FWB
all without getting serious with someone. You might end up loving the person as friend, but it’s not the frantic lusty stuff from the early days and you don’t *need* to be with the person.
Going from being crazy attracted to someone your sleeping with to that decreasing to just a body would make the sec go from amazing to meh.
What’s the point? That’s basically like being married.
I was answering the responses to the OP that implied women want “more.” Well, maybe for a period but then everyone goes to the “boring” baseline and there’s no need for a full on relationship. You can just be friends with or without benefits at that point. The point is you can go through the whole cycle and not want a serious relationship. And btw I don’t think a FWB is just a body.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 18:06
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.
The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…
Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?
You need to find the women with the Y chromosomes. There are plenty out there now.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 18:01
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most women don’t want to be used.
This. FWB only benefits the man. Free sex without having to put in any work or spend any real money. Hard pass.
Nobody is being "used" when two consenting adults both agree to an FWB relationship.
Anonymous
03/01/2024 17:55
Subject: They say they are okay with FWB then want more
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Most humans aren’t designed for sport sex, once the chemicals start flowing biology takes over.
+1
BUT it’s also possible to go through the whole cycle of
1. crazy attraction—>
2. normal level of attraction—>
3. familiar but still have chemistry—>
4. chemistry cools enough to be true FWB
all without getting serious with someone. You might end up loving the person as friend, but it’s not the frantic lusty stuff from the early days and you don’t *need* to be with the person.
Going from being crazy attracted to someone your sleeping with to that decreasing to just a body would make the sec go from amazing to meh.
OP seems to want the experience of sleeping within someone who is crazy attracted to him while expecting them to mentally partition that off and treat him as a body outside that. I mean, sure, if you like to play act at scenes. But otherwise, at some point the other person will realize the jig is up and that the "more" they crave (and that is a key part of the emotional cascade of their attraction) is pure fantasy.