Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a nanny/PA who works from 12-6pm. They do the kids laundry, receive deliveries (groceries, etc.), walk the dog, pick up dry-cleaning, and get the kids from school and supervise them doing homework, taking them to after-school activities, setting the table for dinner, etc.

Then, we have cleaning people twice a week. OP, throw money at this problem.

that’s like $4k/month minimum!!

NP but that's the same as two in daycare.

The OP only has one in daycare, and this wouldn’t cover all of OP’s working hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

I disagree. Daycare years are the best it will ever be. Schools are always closing, out of session and have short hours.

You can't just kick the can down the road.

I was thinking this too. Also, homework takes more than 5 minutes and may need supplies or trips to the library. Activities are more intense and meet more frequently.

And the cooking and the laundry, especially if you have kids in athletics. They eat so much food all of the time.

You should not be putting your young kids in activities. They do not need them and you do not have the time. Run alongside them as they ride their bike or scooter. There’s your workout.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a nanny/PA who works from 12-6pm. They do the kids laundry, receive deliveries (groceries, etc.), walk the dog, pick up dry-cleaning, and get the kids from school and supervise them doing homework, taking them to after-school activities, setting the table for dinner, etc.

Then, we have cleaning people twice a week. OP, throw money at this problem.

that’s like $4k/month minimum!!

NP but that's the same as two in daycare.

Either he needs to step up more or you need to outsource more. One or the other.
I’d hire someone for after school personally and let the kids come home earlier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in your position and it turned out my now ex was fully exploiting me and taking advantage of my obvious and understandable distraction. But it was all my fault of course!

Then he cheated and I divorced him. Not what he wanted or expected.

This current situation is full of red flags. Start looking at your finances now.

Oh stop. There are no red flags, just the reality of two working parents including one in finance.

I suggest paring back on everything, no activities. After school nanny instead of after care. Plus, perhaps you can look for a new job OP.

I totally disagree. All jumped out at me:

Guy is making $160K and doing no drop off, no pick up, and no dinner. Unless he’s on a strict upward trajectory in finance and this is only temporary, he’s not making enough money to justify being this checked out.

He still prioritizes workers while OP is drowning.

His response to all this is to say he “regrets having kids”.

None of this is good.

Agreed. He's skirting the bulk of the heavy lifting. If her attempts to get him to share the load are met with "I regret having kids" that is him trying to manipulate her into not changing the status quo.

Nanny/ House manager? They can grocery shop, meal prep, make dinner do laundry pick up kids take to activities and help with homework.

On Sundays he preps 3-4 dinners that you can throw in the crock pot before you leave or you can throw in rhe oven when you get home

What I don't get is how your DH can work out every morning and leave all the work to you. My DH is a partner in big law. He works insane hours. But when he is home he helps with the morning routine, same with the evenings. He works out after the kids go to bed before he logs back in and works till like 10:30/11pm.

FWIW he makes way more than your DH and I make way more than you and we have more kids. But we have definitely figured out how to work and do all of our home responsibilities. So it can be done.

Anonymous wrote:We have a nanny/PA who works from 12-6pm. They do the kids laundry, receive deliveries (groceries, etc.), walk the dog, pick up dry-cleaning, and get the kids from school and supervise them doing homework, taking them to after-school activities, setting the table for dinner, etc.

Then, we have cleaning people twice a week. OP, throw money at this problem.

that’s like $4k/month minimum!!

He needs to change his schedule so he can do pick up or drop off.

My husband’s personality is similar to yours but makes more. I knew that it would be a struggle to balance everything and our relationship would suffer so I stayed home and then went back to work part time when the kids started school. In your case, I would go part time. I would also hire a babysitter one weekend day so you can catch up on rest or chores and prep for the next week. Then, if you have money, get cleaners at least once a month and grocery delivery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alternate morning duties. He doesn't need to work out every single day.

This. Let him jam his workout into his lunch break sometimes.

I bet he needs the workout to manage his ADHD or depression though.

How many dual income parents are working out every day, especially alone? For years when our kids were little, the workouts were running with them in the jogger (yes incl when the older one was too old for a stroller), biking with the kids, or running around the yard while the kids were out there.

He can take a job in corporate finance / fp&a. Or you can hire a part time nanny manager who cooks/ runs errands and goes pickup. Not always easy to find though.

Anonymous wrote:It gets better as they get older. Can you afford extra help in the mornings or afternoons? I served very simple meals when the kids were little and joined a carpool when they hit elementary.

I disagree. Daycare years are the best it will ever be. Schools are always closing, out of session and have short hours.

You can't just kick the can down the road.