Anonymous wrote:What you actually have is a husband problem. He is failing to set any boundaries, which then puts a burden on you that is jeopardizing your job. I would ask him to sit down this weekend and start creating a family budget for when you lose your job. Perhaps that will help your husband see how serious this is.

And I would think about what kind of ultimatum you may or may not be willing to make. Perhaps at least put a timeline on this madness? If my husband was willing to jeopardize our family’s finances to drive someone that had completely reasonable other options available, it would be a very serious matter to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez. All of you folks saying this lady’s husband should not be going out of his way to help his father at a time where the FIL is facing the loss of his life partner and the DH is facing the loss of his mother. Good heavens. Have you no compassion? I’m sure you’ll be the first person on DCUM complaining about ungrateful children when your kids treat you the way you’re suggesting this woman’s DH treat his father.

When my mother was dying, I drove an hour daily to pick up my dad and drive him to the hospital to be with her. He was distraught but trying to stay strong to support my mom. He admitted he couldn’t concentrate and didn’t trust his driving skills. And I wanted to be with him, to talk about our grief and to support each other. It is terrible to watch a parent or a partner die. That isn’t the time to be selfish or self-centered. OP should think about the message she’s sending to her husband.

I twisted myself in a pretzel and ran myself into the ground over and over for the elders in our family. I was a SAHM. These people each have jobs they need to keep, and especially if you read the other thread, there’s a weird dynamic here. I think what most people are saying is it’s ok to prioritize your livelihoods and then do what you can do.

Absolutely. Ignore the morons who haven't read all the details, or are purposefully playing devil's advocate. You will not be taking off work more than you think is fair and sustainable. Even if you get fired, your in-laws won't care one little bit. They won't ever be grateful. It will never be enough. So you might as well stop the gravy train right at this station. It's not like any of them will help you out when it's your parents' turn...

Anonymous wrote:Geez. All of you folks saying this lady’s husband should not be going out of his way to help his father at a time where the FIL is facing the loss of his life partner and the DH is facing the loss of his mother. Good heavens. [/b]Have you no compassion?[b] I’m sure you’ll be the first person on DCUM complaining about ungrateful children when your kids treat you the way you’re suggesting this woman’s DH treat his father.

When my mother was dying, I drove an hour daily to pick up my dad and drive him to the hospital to be with her. He was distraught but trying to stay strong to support my mom. He admitted he couldn’t concentrate and didn’t trust his driving skills. And I wanted to be with him, to talk about our grief and to support each other. It is terrible to watch a parent or a partner die. That isn’t the time to be selfish or self-centered. OP should think about the message she’s sending to her husband.

Anonymous wrote:Geez. All of you folks saying this lady’s husband should not be going out of his way to help his father at a time where the FIL is facing the loss of his life partner and the DH is facing the loss of his mother. Good heavens. Have you no compassion? I’m sure you’ll be the first person on DCUM complaining about ungrateful children when your kids treat you the way you’re suggesting this woman’s DH treat his father.

When my mother was dying, I drove an hour daily to pick up my dad and drive him to the hospital to be with her. He was distraught but trying to stay strong to support my mom. He admitted he couldn’t concentrate and didn’t trust his driving skills. And I wanted to be with him, to talk about our grief and to support each other. It is terrible to watch a parent or a partner die. That isn’t the time to be selfish or self-centered. OP should think about the message she’s sending to her husband.

I asked my DH why he is being expected to take on the tasks of transporting his Dad to/from the hospital and he just said it’s his family dynamic