Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:29     Subject: Re:I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
OP, this sad transformation you write about happened to our kid. She went from a kid who loved learning to a grade-obsessed anxiety-ridden kid who judges themselves in all the ways that AOs at elite universities judge kids. DH and I fought against the tide for years, but the peer pressure at her top independent school was too great. She will end up with all As and will be admitted to great universities I am sure (she is a senior now), but at what cost? And you know what, she doesn't even want to go to a top university anymore. She wants to take a gap year and work on a farm or something like that....What a mess our system is and how destructive to our children.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:29     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For all the parents stressing about grades, I can assure you that there was a lot LESS stress with my freshman CS major, NMSF, 11 APs, 1560 SAT and 4.5 GPA then my 2.3 GPA 11th grader taking the easiest course load. So what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs. You will have options!


Did you mean a lot MORE stress with your high-achieving kid?

No. So what if child number had some Bs. Great student with options. Everyone carrying on about a 3.5 GPA is devastating. Try working with a 2.3 GPA!!


I think the way your wrote your post was confusing...I read it that your 2.3 GPA kid was less stress, maybe because you are realistic about the options. That was how I took the "so what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs" comment.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:25     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you. My child is only in 8th grade so I don't have any advice, but I agree that the expectation that everyone get all As is damaging.


Respectfully, you are part of the problem. If you have an 8th grader, why are you on this forum?


NP. I started reading this forum when my eldest was in 8th grade. That’s when this pressure cooker culture first really started to get to her. You can’t keep your head in the sand, as a parent, because if you do the pressure cooker culture of the schools will convince your kid that they have to be a 4.5 NMSF without any contrary input from you.


Is your kid in private or public? My kids are both in public (gen pop at Blair) and neither one of them faced the pressure cooker culture.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:23     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
HPYSM or Top 20 just isn’t necessary to be successful. State school grads from MSU, ASU, and San Jose State manage Harvard grads at FAANG companies.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:23     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a hs freshman who started at a challenging high school. She got all A’s except for one class and I thought this was fabulous. That class was out of her area of comfort but she was super interested in the topic and worked hard, but the grading was very difficult. Yet she learned a ton from this class, probably more than in the classes she got perfect grades in. The school culture is very college oriented and from listening to other kids talk she believes any imperfect grade may end her chances at competitive college admissions. Now in selecting classes for next year she and her friends are very concerned about difficulty, which classes play to their strengths, and who is a hard teacher etc. My kid has always been naturally curious and wants to learn everything and try new things, but I feel like the looming threat of college admissions is already turning her into someone else who is afraid to take intellectual or academic risks. This makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way? Can anything be done about it? I don’t feel like we pressure her about getting into a top college, but even so the difficulty of getting into colleges is so talked up (maybe the talk is true, I don’t know) that it’s hurting our kids attitudes towards learning. I’m not sure if anyone can offer advice, but it’s just frustrating.


I mean...you actually are responsible for starting the rat race that you so despise...did you honestly not understand the culture of the HS?

I mean, does anyone sending their kid to a Big3 or Whitman, Blair Magnet, Churchill, TJ, Langley...not realize what kind of HS for which they are enrolling their kid and the culture?

You actively have to reinforce the opposite if your kid is at one of these schools. That it is OK to take chances and move forward in life, and that it may mean a top college is off-the-table...or take that curiosity and run with it outside of the classroom/school to create some really unique EC.


Part of the problem.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:19     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For all the parents stressing about grades, I can assure you that there was a lot LESS stress with my freshman CS major, NMSF, 11 APs, 1560 SAT and 4.5 GPA then my 2.3 GPA 11th grader taking the easiest course load. So what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs. You will have options!


Did you mean a lot MORE stress with your high-achieving kid?


No, I think PP meant they had tons more stress with a 2.3 GPA kid in all regular courses---they were just hoping that kid graduates HS and figures out a path to doing something as a career.
They likely want their kid to move out of the house eventually and be able to support themselves, and let's be honest a kid that struggles to get a 2.3 in HS is likely not going to want to continue with classes at even a CC---they likely are done with the traditional educational route and will need to find a path that they like and can do well at and that hopefully pays them enough to be a self sufficient adult. That would definately stress me out much more than a kid with mostly all As with honors and AP courses.

Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:15     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree, but it’s an unfortunate reality. The truth is that a couple of Bs will not only cost your child admission at T20 schools, but often at state flagships as well.


Only the highly selective state flagships. There are plenty of options out there.


Not as many if you’re middle class. You need T20 stats to make the other schools affordable.


Oh hells no. My DD got significant merit at Michigan State and Iowa. And she is nowhere near top 20 stats. Her aid brought both schools down to the 40k range all in.

Like I said, there are tons of options.


Thank you for this dose of reality!


There are also several private schools in the 80-120 range where a good student (1200+, 3.5UW+/no APs) can also get good merit and bring price down to ~$40K/year all in.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:15     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you. My child is only in 8th grade so I don't have any advice, but I agree that the expectation that everyone get all As is damaging.


Respectfully, you are part of the problem. If you have an 8th grader, why are you on this forum?


NP. I started reading this forum when my eldest was in 8th grade. That’s when this pressure cooker culture first really started to get to her. You can’t keep your head in the sand, as a parent, because if you do the pressure cooker culture of the schools will convince your kid that they have to be a 4.5 NMSF without any contrary input from you.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:14     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:Top schools will tell you to take all the most rigorous courses and get As in all of them. Of course, do as many as you can handle (but if you can't handle them all and get As, you do not belong). It is awful. It will not change. Make your peace with it and move on.


The obsession with top schools is the problem, not the culture. Reject the top schools and it’s really not that hard. Just walk away.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:13     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For all the parents stressing about grades, I can assure you that there was a lot LESS stress with my freshman CS major, NMSF, 11 APs, 1560 SAT and 4.5 GPA then my 2.3 GPA 11th grader taking the easiest course load. So what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs. You will have options!


Did you mean a lot MORE stress with your high-achieving kid?

No. So what if child number had some Bs. Great student with options. Everyone carrying on about a 3.5 GPA is devastating. Try working with a 2.3 GPA!!


But were you a Top 20 or bust parent? You said your kid had great options - but do you count T75 as great (I do, for context). Because if you do, then you clearly aren’t a parent who is buying into the madness.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:11     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
There are still lots of wonderful colleges that accept bright students with imperfect grades. Just get away from the stifling Northeast.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:11     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you. My child is only in 8th grade so I don't have any advice, but I agree that the expectation that everyone get all As is damaging.


Respectfully, you are part of the problem. If you have an 8th grader, why are you on this forum?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:10     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Top schools will tell you to take all the most rigorous courses and get As in all of them. Of course, do as many as you can handle (but if you can't handle them all and get As, you do not belong). It is awful. It will not change. Make your peace with it and move on.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:09     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For all the parents stressing about grades, I can assure you that there was a lot LESS stress with my freshman CS major, NMSF, 11 APs, 1560 SAT and 4.5 GPA then my 2.3 GPA 11th grader taking the easiest course load. So what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs. You will have options!


Did you mean a lot MORE stress with your high-achieving kid?

No. So what if child number had some Bs. Great student with options. Everyone carrying on about a 3.5 GPA is devastating. Try working with a 2.3 GPA!!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2024 12:06     Subject: I hate the mentality that college admissions is creating
Anonymous wrote:For all the parents stressing about grades, I can assure you that there was a lot LESS stress with my freshman CS major, NMSF, 11 APs, 1560 SAT and 4.5 GPA then my 2.3 GPA 11th grader taking the easiest course load. So what if you get a couple of Bs and Cs. You will have options!

There is a middle ground.