Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Eye roll. You definitely can have too much change in a short period of time. And you definitely can have too many people foisted into your home when you don't want them there. Call that love if you want, I call it annoying.

Maybe your eyes were rolling too hard to read properly. There is no foisting into a home in my situation.

Not yet, but that's your long term plan, isn't it? And they will know, because they aren't stupid.

Bitter much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Thank you. If my own mom had left her abuser and found someone to love her, I would've had better modeling of happier relationships than I do now.

People on this site follow some wackoconservative version of The Rules™. Or at least they want others to do so; who knows what people are like in their real lives.

The idea that mothers (just mothers, right?) are expected to remove any romantic involvement from the picture if their marriage breaks down is rooted in misogyny and slut-shaming. It's fine to date. It's fine to tell your kids, if they're old enough to understand it. And if they see someone loving their mom better than their dad did, GREAT! If he'd been a good role model on that front, he'd still be around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Thank you. If my own mom had left her abuser and found someone to love her, I would've had better modeling of happier relationships than I do now.

People on this site follow some wackoconservative version of The Rules™. Or at least they want others to do so; who knows what people are like in their real lives.

The idea that mothers (just mothers, right?) are expected to remove any romantic involvement from the picture if their marriage breaks down is rooted in misogyny and slut-shaming. It's fine to date. It's fine to tell your kids, if they're old enough to understand it. And if they see someone loving their mom better than their dad did, GREAT! If he'd been a good role model on that front, he'd still be around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Eye roll. You definitely can have too much change in a short period of time. And you definitely can have too many people foisted into your home when you don't want them there. Call that love if you want, I call it annoying.

Maybe your eyes were rolling too hard to read properly. There is no foisting into a home in my situation.

Not yet, but that's your long term plan, isn't it? And they will know, because they aren't stupid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not until you're divorced FFS!

And the boyfriend has to actually be divorced too. 100% divorced. Not "separated".

It really depends on the circumstances, but I see very little benefit to introducing. Are you planning to insert this person into their home lives and make them spend time with this person? Expect pushback.

Why? Unless you were a total jerk to their other parent, most teenagers can understand that relationships end, and new ones start.

I'd want to be sure my kids had time to process the split, but once it's done, it's done. Expecting your parents to not move on is unhealthy in and of itself.

Feel free to move on but don’t expect them to live with your boyfriend. Just like you don’t want your child’s boyfriend shacking up at your house.

Don’t rotate people through your life.

Nobody wants a new dude in their life. You are welcome to have one but children don’t want to be around them.

Why are you assuming a rotation? OP said this is the first and only person they would be meeting, and it sounds like "serious" here means the BF/GF is interested in participating in all aspects of their joint lives.

Lol because they aren’t even divorced yet. 1st and only… you can’t promise that…. Plus add dad’s girlfriends, that’s multiple people.

Of course she thinks they will live happily ever after but I doubt it and I doubt he agrees. If it’s serious get engaged.

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean my father introduced me to his AP as a teen. I was cool about it though, as I hated my step mother and knew he wanted a divorce (she cheated first and was abusive)

It's all subjective.

Your dad has been twice divorced?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Eye roll. You definitely can have too much change in a short period of time. And you definitely can have too many people foisted into your home when you don't want them there. Call that love if you want, I call it annoying.

Maybe your eyes were rolling too hard to read properly. There is no foisting into a home in my situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM hates dating moms. You’re not going to get a realistic answer on this.

I’d say as soon as you think the kids are comfortable knowing you’re dating. I’d mention that first in a theoretical way, like “how would you feel if Mom had a boyfriend?” and talk about that first.

Your kids are teens with their own lives but still need a stable adult and a role model. So how you act in your relationship is setting them up to see how relationships should be.

I’m 41 and dating and the only way I could spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends was to introduce them. I also wanted to see how he was around them. My kids adore him. I am clear that he has his own place, that I still put my kids first, and we have a very healthy relationship - no fighting and we both go to therapy. I am very stable and don’t drag the kids around to boyfriend’s things, it’s the other way around where boyfriend does family things with me and the kids.

I’m of the belief you can’t have too many people love your kids.

Eye roll. You definitely can have too much change in a short period of time. And you definitely can have too many people foisted into your home when you don't want them there. Call that love if you want, I call it annoying.

Anonymous wrote:Not until you're divorced FFS!

And the boyfriend has to actually be divorced too. 100% divorced. Not "separated".

It really depends on the circumstances, but I see very little benefit to introducing. Are you planning to insert this person into their home lives and make them spend time with this person? Expect pushback.

Anonymous wrote:I mean my father introduced me to his AP as a teen. I was cool about it though, as I hated my step mother and knew he wanted a divorce (she cheated first and was abusive)

It's all subjective.