Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

Can a person develop character while living at home?

I’d say yes, but structure is required.

Difficult to develop adult responsibility and reliance on oneself if someone else is paying for the roof over your head and many other of your living expenses.

Not really, if you are saving 95%+ of your salary. Many can be responsible people without actually being forced to live in poverty.
Very fiscally smart to do it for a few years. Especially if you have a great relationship with your parents.

Mathematically, it makes a lot of sense. If her kids could save aggressively for retirement while living at home (say more than 50% of their earnings), in 3-5 years their retirement accounts would pretty much be set (or at least light years ahead of peers who didn't have free rent).

Realistically though, living with your adult siblings and parents is not the same as living independently. There is more to life than money, and depending on the kid, they may not develop those other skills you need to independently run a household someday.

My sibling is doing this. I wish I had done it when I was her age. I would be in a far better position than I am now.

She's only been living back at home for 2 years, almost 3, and she's saved such a huge chunk of money to buy her own place. She got sick of dealing with random roommates so she moved back in. She's not there 100% free. She doesn't pay rent, but she does pay on utilities, fully pays for the internet because she upgraded it since her job went remote, and she alternates with my parents on buying groceries each week.

She's saving something like 93% of her salary. That's... wild. I can't even manage to fully fund my 401k each year

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like a reasonable and responsible set-up. Taking what she says at face value, they contribute to the household and are saving. I assume she lives in the DC area - rents are ridiculously high.

I find this set up a whole lot less off-putting than parents helping their adult MC kids with a down payment or daycare expenses.

I guess I feel the complete opposite. Parents helping with downpayments and daycare promotes independence and living on their own. It also lets their kids have the grandchildren quicker. Most people have no trouble paying the day to day expenses of kids but those daycare years are impossible. I pay 4k a month in daycare for my kids.

Both ways are independent adult kids. IN a HCOL area, it is truly financially smart to live at home and bank your income (parents likely pay for most everything including food still). If my kid wants to do that, we will gladly let them. We would also help with downpayment and daycare once that is needed. As long as they are working and fiscally responsible in all other ways, why not if you can help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like a reasonable and responsible set-up. Taking what she says at face value, they contribute to the household and are saving. I assume she lives in the DC area - rents are ridiculously high.

I find this set up a whole lot less off-putting than parents helping their adult MC kids with a down payment or daycare expenses.

I guess I feel the complete opposite. Parents helping with downpayments and daycare promotes independence and living on their own. It also lets their kids have the grandchildren quicker. Most people have no trouble paying the day to day expenses of kids but those daycare years are impossible. I pay 4k a month in daycare for my kids.

What?! Are you assuming that kids who live with their parents won't be able to or not look for a partner? Most of those kids will def. leave and set up shop on their own obviously. Also, if you were smart and had willing parents, it would make sense for you to live closer to your parents or in-laws, cut down the child care to part time and have them watch the kid a few days a week. A good way to build wealth is for families to start thinking of money as 'our money' inter-generationally vs. my money/your money.

Anonymous wrote:You all are assuming the non-launched adult kids are saving the money they aren't paying in rent. That would be great if they are but I know of families where they aren't. Instead they spend way too much money on their car and their night life and are in for a rude shock if they ever do have to pay rent.

If I had this arrangement with my adult kid I would require proof that they are saving the money and if they aren't I would charge them rent.

Most of us parents would require our kids to be saving as well. If no savings, then I'd be charging rent up to 40% of their income or the typical rent for a 1 bedroom in our area. To force them to become financially responsible.

Her advice makes sense for people who grew up poor, made it to the middle class, and are terrified about being scammed or wasting/losing their money. Which makes sense based on what she's shared about her background. And it is good advice for a lot of people. But it would not work for everyone. Things like paying off her low-interest mortgage early are emotionally comfortable but not economically wisest. Having kids live at home is good for some families, but not all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone else read Michelle Singletary's article in the WAPO about her three young adult children who are still living at home - rent free? She claims they are saving for retirement, good grief. She has lost all credibility. I can't take her seriously.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2024/02/14/financial-cut-off-adult-children/

Can't read article, behind paywall.

But are her kids gainfully employed? If so, why would you not let your kids live at home rent free if they are actually saving majority of their income and are working at least 40+ hours per week? My kid pays 1500/month to rent an apartment, because they live 2K miles from home with their job. But if they had a job in our town, I'd certainly let them live at home, saving majority of their earning for a few years. Imagine putting an extra $18K into retirement/savings per year in your 20s. By time they are 30 they could have what will become over $2M at retirement and an amazing downpayment for a house/TH/condo.

Sounds like they are employed. She’s letting them live at home to save $$. She says when she sees they aren’t doing that appropriately, she will start to charge rent.
Sounds like a very smart set up to me.

+1
Sounds like financially smart kids as well. As long as there is space at home and the parents can afford to let them live there, why not? Smart move to save $$$$ when young. Kids can still be independent and live at home.

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in many parts of the world. Why is OP so worked up?

+1, in India, most adult unmarried kids stay with their parents if they have a job in the same town and logistics allow (ofcourse they need to get along with their parents). Heck I moved from one city in India to the city where my parents lived just so I can live with them till I got married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still like her advice. I’m ok with her kids living at home.

It seems opposite to her advice for raising independent children. Advice for thee, not me.

a 25 yo working full time and living at home is still independent. They are just smartly saving $$$ when living in a HCOL are. Especially if they are living at home so they can save $$$. Only in the US is this an issue. Everywhere else in the world, kids live at home for years after college, in some cultures until they get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

I don’t think shaming someone about living at home shows good character.

To be fair, it was the PP being replied to who used the phrase “cheat code,” not the PP who said it builds character to live independently. Not shaming anyone, just using their own phrase to convey the point that growth can occur from living independently.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like a reasonable and responsible set-up. Taking what she says at face value, they contribute to the household and are saving. I assume she lives in the DC area - rents are ridiculously high.

I find this set up a whole lot less off-putting than parents helping their adult MC kids with a down payment or daycare expenses.

Why does it bother you if a parent helps their kids with down payment or daycare expenses? As long as in both cases the kids are holding full time jobs, both are similar. If you have enough money, you'd rather your kids be on their own and will assist in minor ways to help them have a better life. I can't take my $$$ with me, and it will help my kids to have it in their 20s/30s to use much more than when I'm dead and they are 50+.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

I don’t think shaming someone about living at home shows good character.

Being "nice" and smiling and going along with what anyone says all the time is not a character trait.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still like her advice. I’m ok with her kids living at home.

It seems opposite to her advice for raising independent children. Advice for thee, not me.

+1. Bingo!

Her adult children are gainfully employed, save for retirement, and help out around the house. Seems like a great, financially sound relationship that does raise your children to be independent adults. Would you rather them shell out money for rent in a HCOLA and then not adequately save for retirement?? It's a great commonsense arrangement that doesn't conflict with her adult kids' independence.

Point to a place where this is opposite to her advice. Now if she was letting adult kids stay at home rent-free while they were not seeking employment or spending all their money, that would go against building financial independence.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it seems like a reasonable and responsible set-up. Taking what she says at face value, they contribute to the household and are saving. I assume she lives in the DC area - rents are ridiculously high.

I find this set up a whole lot less off-putting than parents helping their adult MC kids with a down payment or daycare expenses.

That's interesting because I think this is the less-rich version of the same idea. DH lived with his dad for 6 months and took the train in to work every day from the outer burbs to save up his down payment. His dad wanted to help him out, but also didn't have tens of thousands to give him for the down payment. If he were a richer supportive dad, he would have probably written a check, and if he were unsupportive he wouldn't have opened his home to him.

Same with daycare expenses - I know lots of lower-income families where grandma watches the kid/kids for free, a *lot*. They can't afford to subsidize a nanny, but they know how hard it is on their kids and help how they can.