Autistic child was denied speech therapy because he can make most sounds. (cannot make a sh or th to this day, or have a normal conversation)

To the person who said this is just horrible and the person who said to spend our energy changing the funding for sped:

I have been on both sides of the table and posted before. I can see parents treated horribly and members of the team lying. I have also seen parents misbehave, but that is for you to vent about on a different thread.

Also, I do think more money would help solve the problem because we could get rid of the bottomdwellers if there was competition. The problem is some people have remained in the system too long and get away with A LOT so they waste money. If sped got more money there would need to be more accountability and not just someone making up paperwork. There would need to be ways to assess competence and quality of service. A LOT of money is wasted on useless services and programs.

For now, though my $$$ goes toward outside interventions and my time goes toward balancing work, my kids, my marriage and my impossible elderly issues with inlaws/parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“We don’t agree with the diagnosis” says iep team member with zero medical education of three different MD/PhD evaluations of DCs complex medical diagnosis…

OMG! I experienced that, too! WTF! I asked that statement be documented in the notes. I then stopped the meeting and asked that we reconvene when a Central Office Administrator/PSL could attend.

Again, rockstar response! I completely lose my presence of mind when confronted by this kind of stupidity, and don't know what to say. I ended up just opening and closing my mouth like a gasping fish while I think what to say. It would never have occurred to me in a million years to demand that such a statement be documented in the record (even though I was always recording) and ask to suspend the meeting at that instance, pending continuation with central. Because, I mean HTF could anyone continue an IEP meeting with a team member who is so obviously ignorant?

Again, thanks for sharing your award winning response.

I am not this amazing parent - but wanted to share a strategy.
I have post-its written and stuck on the inside of my IEP binder with Key Phrases to help me have words in the moment.
Examples:
if he is not meeting his goals, shouldn't we be thinking about changing the services?
Can you tell me - what researched based intervention is being used?
This is overwhelming and I need to take a 5 minute break
I did not catch that, can you please repeat it so I can write it down.
So are you saying ......?

These are good and can be on the BINGO card for which ones you had to use at the meeting. I actually was told "we don't do research based interventions." I said "hmmm. Let me reading you something straight from the school systems website." I had printed it out because I had heard that one before. I even gave then exact web address. Then, I was told that is only in some cases. I said, I please put that in writing with your name so when I check with others in the county they can get back to you if that is not the case." The person back tracked and said she would look into it and get back to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“We don’t agree with the diagnosis” says iep team member with zero medical education of three different MD/PhD evaluations of DCs complex medical diagnosis…

OMG! I experienced that, too! WTF! I asked that statement be documented in the notes. I then stopped the meeting and asked that we reconvene when a Central Office Administrator/PSL could attend.

Again, rockstar response! I completely lose my presence of mind when confronted by this kind of stupidity, and don't know what to say. I ended up just opening and closing my mouth like a gasping fish while I think what to say. It would never have occurred to me in a million years to demand that such a statement be documented in the record (even though I was always recording) and ask to suspend the meeting at that instance, pending continuation with central. Because, I mean HTF could anyone continue an IEP meeting with a team member who is so obviously ignorant?

Again, thanks for sharing your award winning response.

I am not this amazing parent - but wanted to share a strategy.
I have post-its written and stuck on the inside of my IEP binder with Key Phrases to help me have words in the moment.
Examples:
if he is not meeting his goals, shouldn't we be thinking about changing the services?
Can you tell me - what researched based intervention is being used?
This is overwhelming and I need to take a 5 minute break
I did not catch that, can you please repeat it so I can write it down.
So are you saying ......?

Do you think we don’t try to get more funding specialized education? Or for people in the school system to have an understanding or our children? Our kids are seen as subpar by the majority of people in the school system. It is incredibly harmful to them for life. Honestly, the people we came across in our school system, if they quit, fine with me, they were harmful to my child. We don’t became upset with the system for no reason. It is horrid, you may not believe it, but it’s the case for so many. We don’t send our kids to school so hopefully someone will just tolerate them. All kids deserve an education even if they learn differently than neurotypical child. Sorry if it causes additional work or additional training, that shouldnt be an obstacle for learning. It’s not ok to ignore our kids and their needs.
And before you say it, yes my kid is out of public school. I saw the disaster that it is and now she’s in private, thankfully. But the right to learn shouldn’t be impacted by socioeconomic status.

Anonymous wrote:What about "Your child's behaviors aren't out of the norm/don't require extra support/can be handled with [insert bandaid solution]" followed a week later by calls to pickup your child when they are having meltdowns or demand you do something at home to magically fix their behavior at school*, or emails from the teacher that is clearly at the end of their rope?

*In these instances, this is either not accompanied by any suggestions or the suggestions are things you already have in place and told them about at the meeting.

my personal fave too

What about "Your child's behaviors aren't out of the norm/don't require extra support/can be handled with [insert bandaid solution]" followed a week later by calls to pickup your child when they are having meltdowns or demand you do something at home to magically fix their behavior at school*, or emails from the teacher that is clearly at the end of their rope?

*In these instances, this is either not accompanied by any suggestions or the suggestions are things you already have in place and told them about at the meeting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Is it keeping him/her from accessing the curriculum?” (Referring to completely illegible handwriting with words all squished together, letters of varying sizes, sloping severely down hill, completely off the lines—tall and small mixed, then continued at the edge of the page in a vertical letter by letter finale getting smaller and smaller….) Chased with…
“Your DC is not the only one with poor handwriting.”

chased with "school doesn't actually teach handwriting any more" - and the even more modern response is "well between texting and computers no one has to write by hand anymore"

followed by horrified realization in 6th grade that your child literally cannot write a legible sentence.

My attempt at dark humor was to tell the IEP team, "My kid needs to be able to write by hand so that at least he can put a note in a bottle if he is ever stranded on a desert island."

I like it. I am starting to get really sarcastic when anyone gaslights me or lies. I used to take the high road and bite my tongue, but ever since a never ending swam of sandwich generation stuff, deaths, illness and other stress the past few years I only start out polite. You mess with me I'm getting sarcastic and biting, I will show receipts and if you make any claims you better have proof.

If you listen to DC's MS teachers and administrators, DC walks on water...

From DC's gen ed teachers: he's getting A's so he's meeting the goals and objectives

From DC's case manager/sped teacher: he's getting A's so he's meeting the goals and objectives

From special ed coordinator/DC's former case manager: he doesn't need all the supports in the IEP. The kid we see is not the same kid described in his ES IEP

From all of the above: that's what boys do at this age! Don't pathologize what's typical young teen boy behavior...

That last one gets me really close to the boiling point....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“We don’t agree with the diagnosis” says iep team member with zero medical education of three different MD/PhD evaluations of DCs complex medical diagnosis…

OMG! I experienced that, too! WTF! I asked that statement be documented in the notes. I then stopped the meeting and asked that we reconvene when a Central Office Administrator/PSL could attend.

Again, rockstar response! I completely lose my presence of mind when confronted by this kind of stupidity, and don't know what to say. I ended up just opening and closing my mouth like a gasping fish while I think what to say. It would never have occurred to me in a million years to demand that such a statement be documented in the record (even though I was always recording) and ask to suspend the meeting at that instance, pending continuation with central. Because, I mean HTF could anyone continue an IEP meeting with a team member who is so obviously ignorant?

Again, thanks for sharing your award winning response.

11:30 here. Thank you for the compliment. It took me a LONG time to get to point I could do that and I'm sure few can. This is not a brag, just a recognition that it's not common. It's why I always offer to attend IEP meeting with people who are just starting on this road. It really helps to have the support of someone who isn't emotionally impacted.

Collectively, we are an amazing group with incredible skills, experience and empathy. I'm glad to help as I have been helped - or wish I had been helped.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a parent of a SN kid with an IEP and I’m a speech therapist with the schools. We just do t have the resources or enough staff to meet your demands. Even if you bring an advocate and get them the accommodations/service times you want-guess what, there won’t be compliance. It’s just not humanly possible.

We spend most our time on legal documentation and paperwork and very little on the kids. People falsify the minutes they give. The quality of the therapy and teaching is horrific. It’s a mess.

Let me be frank:
If you have a concern you want addressed for your child, do it though private therapy outside schools. No one will ever say that to you, but that is just the reality. Forget the advocates. Save your money and time and take your kids to therapy or tutors afterschool.

11:30/11:38 here. I gently suggest you learn to rephrase this:
We just do not have the resources or enough staff to meet your child's need."

We all know there aren't sufficient resources. Yet, the appropriate response from us is not to just roll over without a fight. If nothing else, I want a record of my attempts to advocate for what my kids need. I don't want anyone, especially my kids when they're older, to look back and think I could have done more than what I did.

Having said that, we spent a shlt-ton of money on therapies/supports. My kids are now young adults (youngest is 18) and it's only now that we have any disposable income. All of our money went to providing the services our DCs needed from the school but couldn't get.

Anonymous wrote:"The fact that your child did not pass the annual end of the year grade level state exam is not evidence that he is below grade level. Since he is not behind grade, he is not eligible for an IEP."

This is sometimes followed by "40% of our students did not pass that exam.". Or " he did not "meet expectations on the exam" but he is "approaching expectations", so he's OK.

Alternative twist #2 on this is "your child is not reading 2 or more grade levels below, so he is not eligible for an IEP"

Alternative twist #3 is that your DC's deficits are not 2 or more standard deviations below the norm so he is not eligible for an IEP.

"The fact that your child did not pass the annual end of the year grade level state exam is not evidence that he is below grade level. Since he is not behind grade, he is not eligible for an IEP."

This is sometimes followed by "40% of our students did not pass that exam.". Or " he did not "meet expectations on the exam" but he is "approaching expectations", so he's OK.

Alternative twist #2 on this is "your child is not reading 2 or more grade levels below, so he is not eligible for an IEP"

"A grade of C is average, so there is no adverse impact on education, so we will deny your IEP request."

This said without any data to show that a "C" actually is the average grade in the class. And without any reflection on why the student has a C - a kid with ADHD who received B's on all tests but never turned in any homework will receive a C in the class and is absolutely demonstrating adverse impact on education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Is it keeping him/her from accessing the curriculum?” (Referring to completely illegible handwriting with words all squished together, letters of varying sizes, sloping severely down hill, completely off the lines—tall and small mixed, then continued at the edge of the page in a vertical letter by letter finale getting smaller and smaller….) Chased with…
“Your DC is not the only one with poor handwriting.”

chased with "school doesn't actually teach handwriting any more" - and the even more modern response is "well between texting and computers no one has to write by hand anymore"

followed by horrified realization in 6th grade that your child literally cannot write a legible sentence.

My attempt at dark humor was to tell the IEP team, "My kid needs to be able to write by hand so that at least he can put a note in a bottle if he is ever stranded on a desert island."