This isn't about anxiety. It's a story that is as old as time ... an ADULT female trying to control the territory/home. SD is essentially pissing on OP's fencepost. She is not a child and should not be treated like a child.

These texts are about "...wanting to get ice cream after dinner or funny things she wanted to share with him" so no, it's not all about the SD's anxiety issues. That's a handy excuse for purposely excluding OP in her own home, at her own table, and probably at the meal she made for everyone.

It's perfectly fine if the dad and daughter want to go out once in awhile and spend time alone. But not by purposely and intentionally excluding OP at dinner every night. That is mental cruelty.

If mental health issues are of such importance, then what about OP's?

She could easily say, "The two of you texting each other is mentally cruel and is the cause of my depression. I need you to both put away your phones when we are at the table and include each other in conversation. Anything less than that will be considered bullying behavior and will make me anxious and depressed."

Let's see how quickly her partner dismisses HER concerns. If he doesn't, and agrees to go no-phones, there is hope for this relationship.

If he dismisses OP's mental health then it shows which adult female has the top spot - and it isn't her.

"About 18 months ago"

omg

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she's an adult. The behavior is rude but you can't control what adults do.
I
It sounds like he is a supportive parent. Why are you so controlling? I have a feeling you insist that everyone eat together and this leads to the anxiety and they chat separately to help. Her father seems to be trying to appease both of you.

I don't think this is the hill to die on. Stop eating together (it's not like she is a child). You and your boyfriend should just eat without phones and let her join you if she wishes.

He’s not a supportive parent.

He’s a pushover who is stunting his own daughter and enabling poor behavior.

Are they both in the autism spectrum .?

He's a pushover with his gf. He should have told her this is how it is, not pretended to stop.

Anonymous wrote:So she's an adult. The behavior is rude but you can't control what adults do.
I
It sounds like he is a supportive parent. Why are you so controlling? I have a feeling you insist that everyone eat together and this leads to the anxiety and they chat separately to help. Her father seems to be trying to appease both of you.

I don't think this is the hill to die on. Stop eating together (it's not like she is a child). You and your boyfriend should just eat without phones and let her join you if she wishes.

He’s not a supportive parent.

He’s a pushover who is stunting his own daughter and enabling poor behavior.

Are they both in the autism spectrum .?

Who knew the pork chop dinner could make a person anxious?

Anonymous wrote:2 people texting each other at dinner when they are sitting across from each other is NUTS! This is not a technology issue, this sounds like a man who lets his daughter do what she wants. She needs to be his first priority. Only you can decide if you can live with being in second place.

Yes he’s a pushover AND rude.

I feel sorry for this adult daughter, she’s going to have a tough life. And if HE keeps enabling her and being codependent, it will be YOUR tough life as well. If you stick around to watch this play out.

And I wouldn’t care if they both have mental disorders or not, rude is rude. No time for that. Go out to dinner with your friends who actually talk and interact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a stepmom.

It's incredibly rude behavior. But this is not a hill to die on. Move on.

Me again. Also - I think the way to address this is for you and your husband to agree the two of you will not use phones at the table. You can't tell her not to. But you could try to get your husband to agree. Then he can't text him at dinner.

Smart

Don't date parents if you can't handle their children.

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow phones at our dinner table. The fact it took you so long to realize this was going on indicates you use your phone at the table too. It’s all or nothing op. No phones for all or phones for all and no policing what they are doing.

Had the same reaction.

Rule - no phones at the table.

Problem solved.

You're welcome.

This isn't about step mom vs. child. This is about basic consideration. If someone was texting during a meal with me -- and it wasn't an emergency about which they were apologetic - the meal would be over, full stop. If it kept happening, a lot more than just the meal would be over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude.
Anxiety is not a reason to be rude.
Yes you read that right the era of anxiety being used to excuse poor social behavior is over. New treatment models do not encourage It or avoiding triggers because it doesn't work out in the long term.

But you're also not likely to get them to change, do move on

+1

+1.