Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

Crazy. I’m in VA as well and lay ex wife $2k in alimony/child support for 2 kids. I make $180k.

She gets alimony which means she makes much less than $180k and in total receives a salary for two kids of $24k? How much were you paying for your kids before? I don't understand. You seriously were paying less than $48k for two kids? A lot must be in alimony too because my ex didn't make that much less than this and I get $500 prr child per month for full custody. Full and this is all I get. The rate for 50/50 is $250 per child. It doesn't even cover their food. I hate Virginia for this reason.

Alimony i snot salary. And, Dad has expense in his home as well including keeping bedrooms for them.

Anonymous wrote:I receive child support from my ex. Raising children is expensive. People who pay child support often underestimate all the cost. My ex is not rich nor is he poor. However the amount he sends me no doubt put me in a much better financial situation than him. He agreed to the amount and I wonder if he regrets it. We shouldn’t be quick to dismiss people who feel they are being strangled with the payments. Using our kids to punish our exes for whatever they have or have not done in the marriage is poor form.

The thing is as married your expenses are much less. You have a house or apartment regardless of the kids - before we had kids, our housing, utility, car, car insurance costs were all the same. Slight difference in food and clothing but the bulk of our spending goes to several expensive and school stuff activities. So, if we cut out those activities and school stuff, ours would not be very expensive at all. But, ours don't ask for expensive clothing, shoes, etc as teens so we are fortunate. Things like their cell phone are $10 a month more on a family plan.

Ido think it can be crushing for some people at certain income levels. My brother’s wife was sooo lazy, she quit her job to stay home with the kids but never took care of them and was out sleeping around instead. After she left (for her AP who promptly dumped her) he got stuck with a large 10 year alimony obligation plus child support. She then never watched the kids or bought them antytgkng like clothes, shoes etc so he had to do all that as well. He tried to get a modification but the judge yelled at him about how he had a college degree and his wife didn’t. She finally did get a job after he alimony ran out and her sister kicked her out. In retrospect, I think she married my brother because the alimony from her first marriage has just run out Che ended up paying child support on kids that weren’t even biologically his but he didn’t want the kid to feel totally disowned since the AP refused to take responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:OP you won’t get a lot of sympathy here because child support and alimony hurt people in the middle class the most. I do pay child support and alimony, but I barely feel it because I have a high income. People telling you to work more and save are not people who are struggling financially.

For people in the middle class in particular, there are good financial incentives for filing for divorce. Remove some of the incentives and see how many will change their mind. People are quick to say they would leave regardless but they are lying. They are living because they know they will be okay financially.

If he works more, his child support can go way up. So, that might help the kids if she's spend the money on them but there is no accountability.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

Crazy. I’m in VA as well and lay ex wife $2k in alimony/child support for 2 kids. I make $180k.

My ex pays 1500 for three kids. He makes 400k. Despite being home for 12 years I got no alimony because after a protracted divorce I was making substantial income at settlement.

I’d rather have the income he was no plan he’s bankrupt so I chose wisely.

Does he have 50/50 custody? Of, how much is your income. If your income was substantial, that's different and not OP situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

Crazy. I’m in VA as well and lay ex wife $2k in alimony/child support for 2 kids. I make $180k.

She gets alimony which means she makes much less than $180k and in total receives a salary for two kids of $24k? How much were you paying for your kids before? I don't understand. You seriously were paying less than $48k for two kids? A lot must be in alimony too because my ex didn't make that much less than this and I get $500 prr child per month for full custody. Full and this is all I get. The rate for 50/50 is $250 per child. It doesn't even cover their food. I hate Virginia for this reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What state do you live in? In Virginia this most definitely isn't true. I get less than $400/month from my ex.

y

I live in Virginia. The amount you are getting MUST be related perhaps to your ex much lower income. For child support for example there are various calculators you can find online for VA.

Nope, he has another child with another woman so it got lowered when that happened. $400 is based on the state calculator. School-aged child.

Does it get lowered? My friend’s husband’s ex gets $2400 for his one kid with her. My friend has two kids with her husband and they get way less. They aren’t broke but can’t afford any extras for their kids like extracurriculars. Seems crazy to me that each kid can’t get 1/3 of dads portion instead of the ex getting so much.

No, usually it doesn't so this doesn't sound right in less they did a new assessment. We were told it might go down slightly but not worth it in attorney fees.

Eve if the kids get more in child support, it doesn't matter as there is no accountability in child support so mom can do what she wants with it and not spend it on the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Key is to forego marriage . Women will have sex with you without commitment.


Avoiding marriage is the best thing for men now

Really, it’s avoiding having children.
I mean, he would probably be paying a lot for the kids even if he remained married or never married.

Ex might still get half his stuff.

Men work hard and build wealth just to have it stripped away because she cheats or she’s just bored. Too much if a risk for men now.

The court system is inherently biased towards men when it comes to divorce.

Every man should talk to a divorce attorney before they get married

Has OP actually posted how broke he really is?

OP, you can’t blame your current financial situation on alimony and child support alone. Grow up, live up to your obligations, and follow a budget. If you can’t do this due to a lack of self discipline, get a vasectomy stat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m totally certain that OP did everything in his power to let his ex wife flourish in her career. He probably did most night wake ups, helped with drop off and pick up evenly, took care of sick days and appointments and classes and sports and valentines and birthdays and vacations just as much. I’m sure that she didn’t have to step back her earning potential or give up dreams to be married to him with kids. Keep complaining, OP..

I’m kind of with you, pp. I don’t know OP’s situation, but everyone I know who complains about child support and alimony (male or female) kind of took their lower earning spouse for granted with regards to childcare.

+1!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neighbor waited until kids were 18 to file on his cheating whore wife.

That’s obviously the most ideal for men. Then the $ they want their children to have can go directly to them and not go mother using it for Botox and self care.

Hopefully, his kids were old enough that he did t have to put up with her much longer.

Does alimony phase out? MD? VA?

Wait, what?
I don’t get this. If you remain married, your money is joint. If your wife wants to spend money on Botox and self-care, she doesn’t need to get a divorce to do it. She can just get a credit card.

Or are you advocating for some kind of abusive marriage where one spouse doesn’t have access to any money?

Saying wives who use child support on themselves. Instead of what it’s intended for.

By waiting until 18, no child support for her. No way for her to abuse the payments. I get to support my kids directly

But if she is the kind of person who going to use family money for herself and not for the kids, she can do that while you two are married.

At least it’s limited after divorce to what she receives in child support/alimony. And any credit card debt or whatever that she takes on is hers alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neighbor waited until kids were 18 to file on his cheating whore wife.

That’s obviously the most ideal for men. Then the $ they want their children to have can go directly to them and not go mother using it for Botox and self care.

Hopefully, his kids were old enough that he did t have to put up with her much longer.

Does alimony phase out? MD? VA?

Wait, what?
I don’t get this. If you remain married, your money is joint. If your wife wants to spend money on Botox and self-care, she doesn’t need to get a divorce to do it. She can just get a credit card.

Or are you advocating for some kind of abusive marriage where one spouse doesn’t have access to any money?

Saying wives who use child support on themselves. Instead of what it’s intended for.

By waiting until 18, no child support for her. No way for her to abuse the payments. I get to support my kids directly

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I receive child support from my ex. Raising children is expensive. People who pay child support often underestimate all the cost. My ex is not rich nor is he poor. However the amount he sends me no doubt put me in a much better financial situation than him. He agreed to the amount and I wonder if he regrets it. We shouldn’t be quick to dismiss people who feel they are being strangled with the payments. Using our kids to punish our exes for whatever they have or have not done in the marriage is poor form.

Well this is why 50/50 should be the norm.

If you can’t afford to take care of your kids than he should keep them.

As for men, staying away from marriage is the best course if action for most men

You mean avoid having a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

Crazy. I’m in VA as well and lay ex wife $2k in alimony/child support for 2 kids. I make $180k.

My ex pays 1500 for three kids. He makes 400k. Despite being home for 12 years I got no alimony because after a protracted divorce I was making substantial income at settlement.

I’d rather have the income he was no plan he’s bankrupt so I chose wisely.