Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM so obviously I have strong opinions about how to raise children. Your kids will be fine. There’s more than one way to raise happy, healthy kids, but none of them include a burned out mom. Take the job, ditch the guilt.

lol. A lot of SAHMs defaulted to it bc they simply don’t make much money

I’m a SAHM so obviously I have strong opinions about how to raise children. Your kids will be fine. There’s more than one way to raise happy, healthy kids, but none of them include a burned out mom. Take the job, ditch the guilt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

Agree. Unpopular opinion, but I think it’s a long day for the 3 year old.

It’s a long day. And aftercare from my memory was not fun. I had my twin with me and we were both miserable. We were not living our best lives. I guess after care has really changed in the past 30 years.

Your children will be totally fine, OP. I found aftercare boring and sometimes tough to navigate but that’s a lot of life. I would struggle with the position you are in because it sounds like your current job is soul sucking and you’ve stayed as long as possible for your kids (your eldest’s entire life). I would look for a different job and I probably wouldn’t take this one but you got an offer for a job you really like in a tough market and your youngest is 3, so not that little. If this is perfect in every other way it probably makes sense to do it. Whenever we gain something we give something else up and this is a perfect example. But your kids will be fine in aftercare and it doesn’t need to be forever.

I'm sorry, but they won't

People don't want to hear this, but children are better served by having a primary caregiver at home. M-F.

To get them off the bus
To put them down for their naps, in their own beds.
To make their a homecooked dinner.

It can be Mom. It can be Dad. But its' better for the child.

And to do otherwise, is putting yourself first. Which can be ok; sometimes its fine to put yourself first. But don't fool yourself into thinking its what's best for the child. It is not.

Hi OP.

If you want them to be fine, keep them off social media until at least age 16.

Social media is far more toxic than most realize.

I a similar set up to you until this year. Kids are 4 and 7. It was hard for all of at the beginning and I still do really miss the time with them. About once a month I take an afternoon off of work and pick them up early for an activity together, or even just to go to the library. That’s really nice for me. But they are fine. They keep asking to stay later at aftercare, complain that they have to leave to go home before their friends do, etc. They’re fine. I’m the only one who still wishes I could pick them up right after school!

It is a long day for them both and they’re more tired than when I picked them up at the end of the day, so our evenings are pretty chill.

We both worked full time and never from home and our kids turned out fine. Yes, we had a nanny but we did the heavy lifting. You just have to suck it up and do it.

Go for it. It’s not as though you are parking them in front of a screen. They are with care providers. You want your kiddos to be proud of what their mom does and accomplishes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk… I don’t think my own kids would like being stuck in aftercare or in daycare all day. So we have a FT nanny and probably will continue to until they can drive. And I try to knock off early from work (and make it up at night) so I can spend those afternoon hours with one or the other

How old are your kids? Once they are ~6 they will not want to hang with a nanny after school. My only friends that still keep a nanny once their kids are school age have long hours with in office jobs, so they basically need a third parent on standby for sick/snow/teacher work days. My kids wish they were in aftercare instead of coming home right away, but we couldn’t get spots.

The nanny takes them places… activities, playgrounds, play dates, out for long bike or scooter rides…

Anonymous wrote:Many Gen X and Millenials grew up that way, and they're fine. It will ok I promise

To be fair, schools and society in general were way better back then.

They'll be fine! That's how many, many of us parents did this, esp. pre-pandemic.

My kids loved being at full-time daycare, they loved before- and after-care. They adored their teachers, their friends, they had fun and played. When my husband's and my schedules changed and my older kid didn't have to go to before- and after-care anymore, he was crestfallen. Of course he survived it, but seeing both situations play out, he was fine either way.

They were latch-key kids at a certain age after school, in the summers, school holidays, and they learned independence, responsibility, how to cook for themselves. And now they're in college and in HS and they're great kids. It really truly will be fine.