“Have you always been this rude?”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Carry around a Yellow Card. Flash it when this happens. On it, it says "Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?"

They aren't first graders.

Op try "I'll thank you now not to be so rude. Got it? Good. Now, how about the weather/those Chiefs/ Aunt Greta's boil?...." Anything to change the subject.

Meet people where they are. If they act like a first grader, they get treated like a first grader.

Anonymous wrote:For instance, if a relative comes into your home and starts criticizing how you look or how you are dressed, what is a way to shut them down?

I’ve thought about “that’s so rude. Why would you say that?” But I don’t want to invite a conversation. I just want it to stop.

So “that’s rude.” Full stop. What else?

"Thanks for stopping by! Have a nice day and remember: Castle Doctrine. Bye!"

Anonymous wrote:I tell people how their behavior affects me more so than stating that a behavior is rude. And, I explain the consequences of bad behavior. So, rather than giving men a stare or saying "That's not a nice thing to say" I say: "What you just said really hurt my feelings and makes me feel like garbage. I expect the people in my life to treat me kindly and lift me up. If you can't do that, please stop talking to me."

Should say "giving someone" not "giving men"

I tell people how their behavior affects me more so than stating that a behavior is rude. And, I explain the consequences of bad behavior. So, rather than giving men a stare or saying "That's not a nice thing to say" I say: "What you just said really hurt my feelings and makes me feel like garbage. I expect the people in my life to treat me kindly and lift me up. If you can't do that, please stop talking to me."

My mother made a negative comment to me recently and I countered with "So much for 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything' . . ." She huffily announced that she's entitled to express her opinion and I replied, "Just as I'm entitled to judge you as being rude for feeling the need to say it out loud."
She was bent out of shape but I didn't care!

Anonymous wrote:I either ignore completely or if it’s something more dramatic, I say “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Then when they repeat it I say, “Oh, I thought I must have been mistaken.” Then I change the subject. It helps that I can raise one eyebrow.

Love this too!!! You all have some good responses.

Anonymous wrote:Stare blankly at the person for 3 seconds, then completely ignore the comment.

Love it - I need to practice this!

I’d probably just let things slide in the moment and then literally never let that person in my house again. If a family member complained about that, I’d explain that “it was so clear that she felt really uncomfortable here for some reason, so if we’re inviting her too, then let’s choose a restaurant or other venue.” And don’t budge.

If I’ve ever gotten comments like that over my appearance, I’ve reflexively sort of just looked the other person up and down to see what they were wearing (usually nothing good or interesting), mustered a little half-smile and tried to just brightly say, “oh, okay!” I allow myself to show a little condescending fakeness if the person is particularly dense, since they likely won’t pick up on it anyway.

I either ignore completely or if it’s something more dramatic, I say “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Then when they repeat it I say, “Oh, I thought I must have been mistaken.” Then I change the subject. It helps that I can raise one eyebrow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like "Thats not a very nice thing to say"

I said this, and the reply was, "I'm not very nice."

Wow. Then I wouldn't invite them over again.

Years ago I had someone like this and I just took it and took it, which allowed it to continue. Finally I snapped and said something rude back regarding something they were sensitive about. You might not like my house, but at least I don't have your ears. They were stunned. And I said, Doesn't feel so good, does it? It was so immature, but they never criticized me again.

As I type that I realize it is probably horrible advice!

DP. This works with bullies.

To the “she looks uncomfortable comment” you can say “you look uncomfortable in your jeans” or “you sound mean and sad” or “Life must not be kind to you that you have to be so rude and mean. I pity you” or “let’s talk about why Jimmy is so unhappy” or “what a sad man you are, so so sad”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example? Is this like...Liz that shade of blue is not good for you? Liz, your jeans are so last year? Liz, your hips are too wide to wear leggings?

Most recently it was proclamations about me to anyone that was within listening distance: “Oh, she looks so uncomfortable. . .” Followed by laughter. Over and over again.

“I am uncomfortable around you. Maybe we should not spend time together going forward. [depending on circumstances: “ In fact, I’d be much more comfortable if you would leave now.”]

good luck and no regrets, OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like "Thats not a very nice thing to say"

I said this, and the reply was, "I'm not very nice."

"You don't have to 'be nice' to understand that I don't tolerate rude behavior. If you choose to say unkind things to me in my home again, you will be asked to leave. Are we clear?"

+1

“I don’t care if you are nice. You need to be nice to me [my family]. You are very welcome to leave now if that does not work for you.” Smile and don’t have them over again.

My mean ass MIL loved to come in our home and criticize everything.

Therefore, she is no longer allowed in my home.


Bye, Susan!

Anonymous wrote:For instance, if a relative comes into your home and starts criticizing how you look or how you are dressed, what is a way to shut them down?

I’ve thought about “that’s so rude. Why would you say that?” But I don’t want to invite a conversation. I just want it to stop.

So “that’s rude.” Full stop. What else?

Just say "please leave my home".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like "Thats not a very nice thing to say"

I said this, and the reply was, "I'm not very nice."

Wow. Then I wouldn't invite them over again.

Years ago I had someone like this and I just took it and took it, which allowed it to continue. Finally I snapped and said something rude back regarding something they were sensitive about. You might not like my house, but at least I don't have your ears. They were stunned. And I said, Doesn't feel so good, does it? It was so immature, but they never criticized me again.

As I type that I realize it is probably horrible advice!