Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school “romance” may have made an iota of sense when people routinely got married immediately after or just a few years after graduation, often entering into employment and starting a family with no plans or thoughts of college.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Under these circumstances, the idea that “practice intimacy” has any value to a young woman is ridiculous. Any dubious and immature “experience” she might gain with an equally immature boy (or, God forbid, an exploitative older man) is more likely to stunt her personal and emotional growth than to provide a foundation for a lasting adult relationship and family life. Not to mention the dangers of disease and/or unplanned pregnancy as PP’s have observed.

It may be hormonally “normal” for kids to be interested in “romance” but it makes no sense for them to be acting on that before it actually has some productive use in their life. Relationships are not just entertainment, and Bob Seeger was right when he described “young love” as “I used her, she used me, and neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

Your younger daughter is the one you should be worried about.

+1 excellent post. Which more parents thought like us.

Disagree. Relationships aren't supposed to be "productive". They are not a means to an end. The emotions in the relationship are the end. Not something to be used for a greater purpose.

And that Seeger lyric is funny, bc I interpret it differently. The narrator is nostalgic for a teenage relationship, where both parties put themselves first, but it was still a good time in their life. It's a feeling most people that had HS relationships can relate to. He's saying the relationship was just 'entertainment' and that was enough. He was right.

To view relationship as only worth when they help achieve some other, undefined/nebulous goal is getting into sociopath territory. Its ok to simply be in a relationship bc you're enjoying the relationship.

the early dating relationships are. they are preparation for mature, long-lasting relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

How many guys has she asked out? Is she flirty?

None! I get the feeling she expects them to ask her out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school “romance” may have made an iota of sense when people routinely got married immediately after or just a few years after graduation, often entering into employment and starting a family with no plans or thoughts of college.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Under these circumstances, the idea that “practice intimacy” has any value to a young woman is ridiculous. Any dubious and immature “experience” she might gain with an equally immature boy (or, God forbid, an exploitative older man) is more likely to stunt her personal and emotional growth than to provide a foundation for a lasting adult relationship and family life. Not to mention the dangers of disease and/or unplanned pregnancy as PP’s have observed.

It may be hormonally “normal” for kids to be interested in “romance” but it makes no sense for them to be acting on that before it actually has some productive use in their life. Relationships are not just entertainment, and Bob Seeger was right when he described “young love” as “I used her, she used me, and neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

Your younger daughter is the one you should be worried about.

+1 excellent post. Which more parents thought like us.

Disagree. Relationships aren't supposed to be "productive". They are not a means to an end. The emotions in the relationship are the end. Not something to be used for a greater purpose.

And that Seeger lyric is funny, bc I interpret it differently. The narrator is nostalgic for a teenage relationship, where both parties put themselves first, but it was still a good time in their life. It's a feeling most people that had HS relationships can relate to. He's saying the relationship was just 'entertainment' and that was enough. He was right.

To view relationship as only worth when they help achieve some other, undefined/nebulous goal is getting into sociopath territory. Its ok to simply be in a relationship bc you're enjoying the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

How many guys has she asked out? Is she flirty?

None! I get the feeling she expects them to ask her out.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school “romance” may have made an iota of sense when people routinely got married immediately after or just a few years after graduation, often entering into employment and starting a family with no plans or thoughts of college.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Under these circumstances, the idea that “practice intimacy” has any value to a young woman is ridiculous. Any dubious and immature “experience” she might gain with an equally immature boy (or, God forbid, an exploitative older man) is more likely to stunt her personal and emotional growth than to provide a foundation for a lasting adult relationship and family life. Not to mention the dangers of disease and/or unplanned pregnancy as PP’s have observed.

It may be hormonally “normal” for kids to be interested in “romance” but it makes no sense for them to be acting on that before it actually has some productive use in their life. Relationships are not just entertainment, and Bob Seeger was right when he described “young love” as “I used her, she used me, and neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

Your younger daughter is the one you should be worried about.

+1 excellent post. Which more parents thought like us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um maybe personality or other things matter more than just level of prettiness? What an extremely petty post. Hard to believe mothers reduce their own daughters value down to beauty- this is what we all grow up with.

OP here. Of course appearance is the least important thing. Both DDs are intelligent, funny, and athletic. However, let’s be honest; teenage boys tend to focus on looks, especially if it’s just a crush and not a real relationship. Plus, 16 yo is relatively shy/reserved, whereas 15 yo is much more outgoing. Personality takes longer to see in someone than outward appearance.

Anonymous wrote:You answered your own question. 15yo is outgoing and seems up for it. 16yo is reserved.

Anonymous wrote:High school “romance” may have made an iota of sense when people routinely got married immediately after or just a few years after graduation, often entering into employment and starting a family with no plans or thoughts of college.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Under these circumstances, the idea that “practice intimacy” has any value to a young woman is ridiculous. Any dubious and immature “experience” she might gain with an equally immature boy (or, God forbid, an exploitative older man) is more likely to stunt her personal and emotional growth than to provide a foundation for a lasting adult relationship and family life. Not to mention the dangers of disease and/or unplanned pregnancy as PP’s have observed.

It may be hormonally “normal” for kids to be interested in “romance” but it makes no sense for them to be acting on that before it actually has some productive use in their life. Relationships are not just entertainment, and Bob Seeger was right when he described “young love” as “I used her, she used me, and neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

Your younger daughter is the one you should be worried about.

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure my 15-year-old hasn't had any romantic experiences. She's pretty focused on school, sports and her friends. I was the same way. Your 15-year-old is probably seeking out that stuff and your 16-year-old probably isn't.

Exactly. Be thankful one of them isn't social that way. It's just more distraction they don't need before college applications.
Your 16 year old DD may "yearn" for a romantic relationship without really wanting one in real life, or perhaps she does want one, but isn't social in that way. From a parental perspective, I'd be relieved. I didn't date until I was in college, and my high school experience was much better for it.

Anonymous wrote:High school “romance” may have made an iota of sense when people routinely got married immediately after or just a few years after graduation, often entering into employment and starting a family with no plans or thoughts of college.

Nowadays, high school is in most cases preparation for college, which frequently is preparation for more career-oriented grad school, and even that often is followed by even more focused professional training. A young woman nowadays really isn’t “marriageable” in the classic sense until she’s at least 22, and more likely even 25-30.

Under these circumstances, the idea that “practice intimacy” has any value to a young woman is ridiculous. Any dubious and immature “experience” she might gain with an equally immature boy (or, God forbid, an exploitative older man) is more likely to stunt her personal and emotional growth than to provide a foundation for a lasting adult relationship and family life. Not to mention the dangers of disease and/or unplanned pregnancy as PP’s have observed.

It may be hormonally “normal” for kids to be interested in “romance” but it makes no sense for them to be acting on that before it actually has some productive use in their life. Relationships are not just entertainment, and Bob Seeger was right when he described “young love” as “I used her, she used me, and neither one cared, we were getting our share.”

Your younger daughter is the one you should be worried about.