Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update:

We divorced and it was finalized last month. For a million reasons I’m grieving, and it sounds so ridiculous, but I truly think this is the day my marriage died and there was no going back. I just couldn’t do it all on my own, anymore.

The bad news is that I’m alone. The good news is I don’t have to constantly anticipate being left in my times of most need (which, was a recurring theme).

No, it wasn’t just this incident. But I think this literally was the one that broke the camels back.

You did the brave thing for you, and for your kids. Take in the grief and also step by step, as sad as you may feel, take pride in yourself. You’ve got this.

Anonymous wrote:Omg a haircut? I thought I had it bad after my c-section when DH took about an hour to bring Tylenol and ended up bringing baby Tylenol instead. English is his second language and he said he thought it was the right one because I just had a baby lol

Lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who drinks cheer wine??

We do! That was my favorite detail of the story. When I'm sick, or recovering, I want a sweet treat!! Cheerwine or cherry Coke!

And on topic, sorry about your incompetent DH, OP. You are NOT oversensitive or over-thinking it. That was insane.

I'm still pondering the fact that this clueless husband had to "get his steps in." So what? Who cares? One word: selfish. Oh, and the haircut? A must-do.

Good for you Op. don’t ever look back. My DH is like this and we separated twice. The second time for a year. I stupidly took him back and now here I am over a year later- I worked all day at a very intense high performing role. (He makes very little at a hobby job), I made dinner, cleaned the whole house and guess who just went in and trashed the bathroom? Yup, my jerky DH.

Is he the type of guy that acts like he’s dying when he has a cold?

Anonymous wrote:Girllllllll. You married so wrong.

Read the update!

The idea that he didn't bring you home WITH pain meds is insane to me. He should have gotten his steps in while you were in surgery. This is a guy who is a crap planner and doesn't prioritize his wife and kids over himself ever. Dump him.

Girllllllll. You married so wrong.

Re being alone, I know the feeling, the sting of when you need to write down an emergency contact, or you get a colonoscopy and your 80 something year old mother has to take you.

But you know who isn't incompetent? Your female friends. <3 I had a day where I took the wrong meds in the morning and I had a terrible day, and my two friends took so much better care of me than my ex ever did.

The grief is normal. It's a huge adjustment. It's not how you wanted things to turn out. But you were only half of the equation and he was not a healthy partner for you.

Oh gosh, the 2/06 date got me and I didn't realize this was 2 years old.

In that case, I hope my long screed helps you see some light at the end of the tunnel. So happy to be free of my doofus.

I am so glad to be divorced from my version of this man (wasn't even my choice, left me for another woman after I forgave his first affair).

But sadly, it means that my teen daughters are trying to manage him instead.

Things my 13 year old has said in the last month:

-I thought if I cleaned out the pantry and gave him a grocery list he would actually GET groceries
-Does he not read his emails? Can he not read a calendar? Is he not an adult?
-He never hears a thing I say. He doesn't know the names of any of my friends or teachers. Does he even know MY name?
-There is one house on our block that didn't shovel. Guess whose? [Dad's first name.]

Both my kids call him "that guy" or "the other parent" or his first name or his name with "Schl" at the beginning, like Schleg for Greg. I laugh, but also, they've had to detach emotionally because he's so astonishingly incompetent.

He is still just as clueless and deluded and arrogant about his own adulting skills. Having been a long suffering wife who made him look like a quasi functional adult, it is pretty sweet to see just how much he can't do.

I guess he was confused this year when the Christmas fairy didn't show up and fill his stocking. He made a big show of saying to his affair partner/girlfriend in front of the kids, "Hey, guess what I got in my stocking this year . . ." and then he was just silent. Get it, isn't that funny?!? She was like, huh? The kids were like, "You didn't tell us you wanted us to fill your stocking?!?"

Did this man fill my stocking when we were married? No, I had to do it myself. The irony is lost on him.

I was just talking today to a friend with a similar husband, about how he claimed he bought the kids Christmas presents, which means he ordered them each one thing, and one of it turned out to be a scam website, lol. But then he writes "From Daddy" on the one present he got while she buys every other present and writes "From Mommy and Daddy." And I was like, yes, I am so sorry, that was also me, and it is so much more fun to have the kids come home from his place complaining about how much he screwed up Christmas (didn't do any of our Christmas traditions because hey, why would kids of divorce need continuity) and declaring how happy they are for "real Christmas" to begin.

So OP, I just don't even know what to tell you. I spent the last few years of my marriage asserting myself more, focusing on my own self-care more, etc. But it was never close to being enough because a few boundaries were no match for the unbridled vastness of his selfishness and weaponized incompetence.

Honestly, I don't even know if it was weaponized any more. I think he's just incompetent, full stop.

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update:

We divorced and it was finalized last month. For a million reasons I’m grieving, and it sounds so ridiculous, but I truly think this is the day my marriage died and there was no going back. I just couldn’t do it all on my own, anymore.

The bad news is that I’m alone. The good news is I don’t have to constantly anticipate being left in my times of most need (which, was a recurring theme).

No, it wasn’t just this incident. But I think this literally was the one that broke the camels back.

I appreciate the update OP. I’m sorry it came to this but what you described was pretty heartless. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who treated me
like that.

OP back with an update:

We divorced and it was finalized last month. For a million reasons I’m grieving, and it sounds so ridiculous, but I truly think this is the day my marriage died and there was no going back. I just couldn’t do it all on my own, anymore.

The bad news is that I’m alone. The good news is I don’t have to constantly anticipate being left in my times of most need (which, was a recurring theme).

No, it wasn’t just this incident. But I think this literally was the one that broke the camels back.

Ah men‼️

They can be so freakin’ clueless, can’t they??

I would talk to your husband & stress to him how much you needed him to be there for you and that he should have at the very least, have ensured that dinner would be taken care of for the family.

He dropped the ball this time - let him know it.
And make sure this is the ONLY time he does this.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be pretty furious.

And it's yet another example of why I think MAYBE 20% of men are actually equipped to be a partner and parent. What a d!CK.

Yeah to this. I think it's more like 10%