Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

Go see an OBGYN TODAY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

+100

Educated people don’t have unwanted pregnancies anywhere near close to the degree of those in this country w/out

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

That’s because none of your friends would tell your judgmental self about unexpected pregnancies or abortions

OP: expect better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

Some are just immature and shouldnt be having sex.

Nature disagrees!

That is very true nature dont care if we are immature.

We are supposed to have evolved. Humans can control their biological destinies and prevent procreation.

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Spare this tiny collection of cells. You have no business being pregnant now or with this person.

Yes, I am sure “it” would prefer to be killed. You’re a big bundle if cells by the way.

This happened to me, except we had been dating longer. Broke up, and then a few weeks later she called to say she was pregnant. We were young and in our early 20s. She is pro choice but doesn’t believe in abortion for herself. She decided to go the adoption route. We went our separate ways for 9 months. Then out of the blue I got a call from a lawyer saying she couldn’t go through with it and decided to keep the baby. Best decision she’s ever made. We started to work on our relationship. After all of the hormones settled down, she could think/see more clearly. We got married, had three more kids, and were married for 23 years until mental health issues became to too much for our marriage. Now I can’t imagine my life without him. He is smart, athletic, played a D1 sport, graduated from a good school and is out in the real world making his mark. All in all a very happy ending.

OP, how bad was your breakup? For me, I think we still cared for each other and so working on it was not difficult, after a baby, you tend to look at a relationship from a different perspective.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on your personal view of when life begins.

There’s no debate about this. Life begins at conception, personhood does not.

There's plenty of debate. Life precedes conception, both the egg and sperm are alive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get pregnant very easily, easy pregnancies . Pregnant first time trying at 32, 35 and 38

And still!!!! I never got pregnant with a prior boyfriend or had an unwanted pregnancy:

I learned about prevention in middle school sex Ed. I was on the Pill and took it religiously (pre-Mirena,etc).

It’s weird to read so many woman getting pregnant while dating or hooking up with randos. If you are too dumb to use birth control, the child isn’t going to care well …

This is so judgmental. There by the grace of God, you know? It also helps that you were able to take the pill. I can’t take hormonal bc because of stroke risk, so condoms are my best option, and the guy has to participate in using them correctly.

People get pregnant accidentally not because everyone except you is so dumb, but because at a population level, even a small chance of bc failure means a lot of accidental pregnancies.

Then get an IUD. And don’t have sex with any man who won’t respect your safety.

Very specific situation here, but I kept the baby. I was 35 and never married, financially stable, knew I wanted children. Told the father I welcomed and wanted his involvement but that I wasn’t asking for CS as I was making a unilateral decision to proceed with the pregnancy and didn’t feel it was ethical to obligate him financially. He declined to be involved and I moved forward on my own. Fwiw this was a birth control failure so neither of us blamed the other.

DD is now a tween and thriving. My family loves her, the father’s family loves her (they were glad that I stayed in touch with them). DD is aware that not all adults are capable or ready to be parents, and that she has a crowd of grownups in her life who consider her a gift.

It’s not perfect, I’m aware of that. But I’ve never regretted the decision, not once.

Families are made all kinds of ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to raise a child as a single parent. Have you many relatvies nearby who can and want to help? Otherwise wouldn't advise to keep.

No it isn’t. It’s 1/2 the work of having a baby and a man in your life.

Now it expensive I’ll give you that.

Yes it absolutely is. -single parent.

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on your personal view of when life begins.

There’s no debate about this. Life begins at conception, personhood does not.