Anonymous wrote:My son is on a U10 travel team and he's been training almost daily along with having a personal coach since summer. He was suppose to move up to the higher level U10 team this spring, but a day ago we heard from the high tier coach his current coach was very unhappy to hear he wanted to leave and made a fuss about it. So, they are going to leave him on the current team which is well below is skill level.

I've never seen my son so unhappy. It's borderline depression. I'm all for facing real life and realizing life isn't fair. In fact, I'm the parent who makes sure he realizes it. But, this really hit him hard. He trains so much with the hopes of getting moved up because his current team has horrible chemistry and they don't even practice outside of team practice (they don't care). A portion of the players don't even show up to practice or games and the coach doesn't do anything. It's a mess.

As a parent, even though this is good for him overall growing up it sucks to see him so sad. Normally, he's always upbeat and now he doesn't even smile. It's like someone sucked the life out of him. I am proud he's trained so hard. Even during winter break he didn't want to go on a trip. Instead he went to soccer camp. Now, he has to deal with a team he hates for another 3-4 months. I just feel sad for him. I'm tempted to speak with his current coach about this, but really 50/50 on getting too involved.

Talent and skill wise he 100% is able to perform well if moved up. But, he's the best player on his current team so his coach doesn't want to lose him. I think that's selfish (and I used to coach high school sports along with 3 youth sports). Should I speak with the coach or leave it alone?

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Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

At 9 all kids are average and mediocre. And this 9 year old in particular apparently has an entire roster that outperforms him, so so the intensity is not warrented. As someone else said, if he is depressed then he doesn't love soccer as much as his parents think he does. He loves the idea of being the best.

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Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

Give it a rest. Intensity at age NINE is not some guarantee of anything in the future except higher risk of burnout. Plenty of kids turn up the intensity later on and peak at just the right time for real success.

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Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

At 9 all kids are average and mediocre. And this 9 year old in particular apparently has an entire roster that outperforms him, so so the intensity is not warrented. As someone else said, if he is depressed then he doesn't love soccer as much as his parents think he does. He loves the idea of being the best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

All top players and exceptional players take it relatively intensely.

The average and mediocre do not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Im PP and I wasnt saying to boost confidence or self esteem, I was saying to gain perspective. And to get back to a place where sports are fun and not all consuming and to not have your identity wrapped up in one thing. No matter how good of a soccer player he is, he is 9. And clearly is taking this way to intensely.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is anything outrageous about a 9 year old being ambitious and wanting to play at a higher level. Some people here seem to think every kid is supposed to go the same path of mediocrity as everyone else. But these kids are not average, they are outliers. They are the ones that the pro ranks were meant for.

As long as the passion is coming from the child and not being pushed on them by the parent, I would support it as a parent myself by moving to the kid to a team that has the same level of commitment and ability that he's looking for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG he is 9 stop just stop.

Take him off of travel now. Why is he doing daily training? Injury and growth come on you are absud.

He is depressed because you put too much pressure on him

I guarantee this kid will never be scholarship you will be lucky if he makes HS.

Change clubs. That is the only answer if you think he is so hot try him out. I doubt he will make the other elite team.

Signed mother of more than one Divsion 1 player in college.

Cringey response, cringey signature.

Signed mother of one pro and one Divsion 1 player in college.

Anonymous wrote:OMG he is 9 stop just stop.

Take him off of travel now. Why is he doing daily training? Injury and growth come on you are absud.

He is depressed because you put too much pressure on him

I guarantee this kid will never be scholarship you will be lucky if he makes HS.

Change clubs. That is the only answer if you think he is so hot try him out. I doubt he will make the other elite team.

Signed mother of more than one Divsion 1 player in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were my kid i would back far away from this club and possibly even travel soccer as a whole. Youve made him believe his identity is tied up in being on the best team and nothing else matters. "Best team" is highly subjective and he is 9, so this attitude is very misguided. Honestly maybe bail, join a rec team for the spring and also add in another sport to remind him that its meant to be fun. Try something he hasnt done before so that he isnt the best and learns to enjoy it and grow. Flag football, basketball, swim, golf, lacrosse, whatever. Try out for another soccer club for the next year, with renewed passion.

A good soccer player should go play another sport he's not good at to boost his confidence and self-esteem?

DP. I think what PP is saying is that a 9 year old’s identity and self-esteem should not be so tied up in which soccer team they are on. It’s not good to put all of your eggs in one basket at such a young age. It will feel like your world is falling apart if you make one sport or activity your whole world. A 9 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a teen or young adult who has tried different things and made a decision to specialize for the purpose of college or pro level playing. It’s too much pressure on a young kid. If a kid has the tendency to be intense, it’s the parent’s job to help them gain perspective on sports and life.

While I agree kids should play other sports, it doesn't mean they should quit one sport and focus on another. It's very easy to play more than one sport but still have focus on a main one. My neighbor's kids both plays two sports, but their main sports are hockey and volleyball. On the side they play soccer and track. But, when travel season comes around it's hockey and volleyball. Also, all these parents assuming there is pressure on kids are 100% guessing. You'd be surprised how many kids I know just love playing sports. Heck a kid down the street from me plays hockey nonstop and he loves it. Even has practice at 6am on Friday (yes, 6am) and he wakes up by himself! He loves the sport. There is nothing wrong with a kid focusing on one sport. Too many parents think a kid has to do X amount of sports. Not always. There's many different ways to raise a kid and many ways a kid develops.

The problem with a kid focusing on one sport (and I say this is the parent of a child who's obsessed with one) is that they're one injury away from losing their entire identity.