Anonymous wrote:"Why don't middle aged men have more and better friendships?"

"Why do all women say they hate men?"

"Why don't middle aged men have more and better friendships?"

You know what would solve your issues?

Divorce.

Then he wouldn’t have to listen to you be a nag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A woman would be excoriated if she came home from a girls’ trip too hungover and exhausted to deal with the kids. Tell him to suck it up. The trip is fine. But when it is over, it is over.

Op - exactly this. I am totally on board with him taking a trip away. I encourage it and support him doing it. Do I think it sounds fun to get overly drunk for 3 days? No but whatever do what you want.

BUT when you get home you have to come back to reality and be present. It’s unfair to the spouse who is home with the kids.

How about you each get 1-2 trips/year including 1 day for “re-entry” where you get to unpack and decompress from travel, and basically ease back into parenting at 50%. This applies to you as well even though you’re not coming back hungover. Then the next day it’s business as usual.

So let’s say you travel Fri-Sun, you get to rest Sun. night and take on a partial parenting load Monday. Tuesday is all hands on deck.

Neither DH nor I are big boozers, but we usually grant each other a little bit of re-entry/unpacking space right after a girls/guys trip.

Taking a long weekend and then the week off from parenting would not be ok to either of us. And not fair to the kids.

Anonymous wrote:I would ask that he stay elsewhere for his recovery day and count that as a vacation day. For the PP who suggested that was toxic bean counting, I disagree. The idea of stepping away from my family for a long weekend to go have fun and leave DH with all the childcare duties is a big deal. I've done it a few times but it's not something we just do, and every day really does count. Seems a lot less toxic to call it a 4-day trip instead of a 3-day trip, and avoid the resentment over that final day. Then when the wife is considering her trip she doesn't have to feel bad or guilty taking the extra day also.

I agree not a bad idea i feel the coming home hung over from your guy trip ugh cringe lol. Then demanding or taking a day to recover is such a turn off. Am i wrong ?

I would ask that he stay elsewhere for his recovery day and count that as a vacation day. For the PP who suggested that was toxic bean counting, I disagree. The idea of stepping away from my family for a long weekend to go have fun and leave DH with all the childcare duties is a big deal. I've done it a few times but it's not something we just do, and every day really does count. Seems a lot less toxic to call it a 4-day trip instead of a 3-day trip, and avoid the resentment over that final day. Then when the wife is considering her trip she doesn't have to feel bad or guilty taking the extra day also.

I don’t know one man who goes on these guys trips.

I am curious are there any excuses whem hubby returns and is looking to have sex??

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never did 'guy' or 'girl' trips. We are early 50s. We did do a lot of trips with other couples and also trips in larger friend groups.

They were never segregated by gender trips. My parents were the same. My mom and dad never did alone trips. They also traveled a lot by themselves or with their big group of couple friends.

I really have seen some bad sh*t come out of these single gender trips over the years. Cheating, etc.

I distinctly recall my mother in her 40s taking a long weekend in Sedona with a group of her friends and taking an Amazon cruise with the same friends 10 years later in their 50s. These are still her close friends in her late 70s. My parents' marriage is incredibly strong.

I aspire to that, and take a long weekend away with my friends at least once a year.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could offer to plan/review the activities so that the re-entry goes smoother? More hikes and museums and fewer casino nights (for example). I’m sure the other wives aren’t thrilled either and would be happy to help. Yes, more work on the front end, but a better overall result.

This is the stupidest post on DCUM, if not the entire internet, this year. Congratulations, I guess.

"Hey, guys, my wife has prepared an agenda for our next trip! We're going to the art museum and for hikes, and then for a group colonic. No, sorry, no time for golf, a steak dinner, and drinks afterwards."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

Really bad. Every guy I know that has done that is cheating on those trips and the single guys egg them on and tell them marriage sucks.

+100

Oh I could tell you stories about the guys in our group who insisted on an annual golf trip every year, right around the time we would get huge snowstorms. Think snowpocalypse.

While the wives were pregnant (not just me).
And of course the furnace would die while I was pregnant and DH was out golfing, leaving me with a freezing toddler.

Oh how the memory of my fury can still keep me warm on a cold night.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never did 'guy' or 'girl' trips. We are early 50s. We did do a lot of trips with other couples and also trips in larger friend groups.

They were never segregated by gender trips. My parents were the same. My mom and dad never did alone trips. They also traveled a lot by themselves or with their big group of couple friends.

I really have seen some bad sh*t come out of these single gender trips over the years. Cheating, etc.

Op - my parents never did alone trips either but they also didn’t have their OWN friends. Only couple friends. I think it’s a generational thing.

We are all in our late 30s/early 40s. We have our own friends from high school, college, work, etc. I think it’s very important that we maintain these ties and have time to strengthen these relationships.

With young kids it’s hard to find someone to watch them if we are both gone. So we each get a trip away with friends and then once a year we have grandparents watch kids so we can do a couples trip.

Again it’s not the trip itself that annoys me. It’s the coming home and being tired/hungover, etc that I find annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes on one, sometimes two, guy trips a year. Usually just a long weekend. I hate them. They all go and act like they are 21 again and drink way to much, stay up too late and come home feeling hungover and exhausted for the next week.

Meanwhile I am stuck 24/7 taking care of the kids and running the house while he is gone. Then when he gets home he can barely help because he is so tired and he is so behind on work from taking the long weekend off.

I completely know he deserves time to decompress and relax and reconnecting with his friends is very important. I am so glad he still has friends and is close with them! I just dislike these trips.

I cant stand the guy trips i go 24/7 between the kids and working im burnt out. He comes home and says he is planning a trip to vegas with 3 friends who are not married mind you. Like grow up seriously. I try and tell him i wanna save money and he throws a tantrum. Sorry end of my rant lol.

Really bad. Every guy I know that has done that is cheating on those trips and the single guys egg them on and tell them marriage sucks.

You are probably right we have argued over comnents he has made to me after being with his friends. Ya know its like he forgets he is married with kids. I try not to fight but the immaturity gets to me.

Same op, and you want to guess how many girls’ trips I’ve had in 13 years of having kids? Zip.