Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:27     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:The moment I realized that my DH is autistic was just now while reading through this thread.


+1, kinda. This is confirming a nagging suspicion over the past 3 years.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:09     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.


Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.


100% wrong. Narcissism and autism are two different things.


Yes.

And Narcissistic reactions can often be a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies who never got professional help.

They double down after a mistake and get nasty.

But this is not the angry dinner orator micro issue Op has posted about.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:07     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.


Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.


I believe both are correct and possible. We would need to know more about the broad scope of OP's DH's behavior to even begin to speculate whether this behavior is a manifestation of his narcissism alone, or of narcissism tied to ASD.




Agree this wasn’t necessarily for OP’s long story spouse.

By temper tantrums, emotional deregulation, and mis-perceiving everything as a personal attack and then exploding is common with diagnosed HFA individuals who never got help or parent role modeling socializing and managing or even IDing emotions.

Their parents opted to build a narcissist who could do no wrong, instead of an anxious, depressed HFA person. Neither got professional help or treatment or honest diagnoses
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:05     Subject: Re:Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:My MIL tends to be a long talker. Once she launched into this rambling, random story when my son's friend was being picked up by his parent. We were all standing around awkwardly as she went on, and I was trying to figure out how to interrupt her. Suddenly her phone rang and she went to get it while the other family was like, see ya!

My son had gone into another room and called MIL from his apple watch. Even he, at ten years old, recognized the awkwardness of the situation. MIL has become less self-aware in the past few years unfortunately, though at least she doesn't get angry when interrupted.


Is she showing any other signs of dementia? Because the situation you described definitely seems like it could be cognitive decline.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:05     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is OP. I was sure I was going to be excoriated for being rude. I’ll get up and start serving seconds, quietly, while DH tells story and he gets SO upset. I’m so glad to know that I’m not alone. We are not trying to be rude but we are all capable of quietly asking for more milk and also continuing to listen.

Your not wrong at hubby needs to be pulled aside. He is def immature in my book.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:04     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.


Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.


100% wrong. Narcissism and autism are two different things.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:03     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:He's the problem holding the whole room hostage. Nope. You need to explain to him he's wrong.


And that he's teaching his kids a poor social lesson with this behavior modeling.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 12:02     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.


Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.


I believe both are correct and possible. We would need to know more about the broad scope of OP's DH's behavior to even begin to speculate whether this behavior is a manifestation of his narcissism alone, or of narcissism tied to ASD.


Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 11:56     Subject: Re:Interrupting VERY long stories
My MIL tends to be a long talker. Once she launched into this rambling, random story when my son's friend was being picked up by his parent. We were all standing around awkwardly as she went on, and I was trying to figure out how to interrupt her. Suddenly her phone rang and she went to get it while the other family was like, see ya!

My son had gone into another room and called MIL from his apple watch. Even he, at ten years old, recognized the awkwardness of the situation. MIL has become less self-aware in the past few years unfortunately, though at least she doesn't get angry when interrupted.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 11:27     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.


Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 09:45     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories

I’d talk to him outside of dinner. That he can’t hold court and expect still silence, it’s just not a reasonable expectation. So if he has a story, after the first minute it needs to end or the kids have moved on. He can save the story for you later if he really needs to get into every detail.

But then he should also be asking questions and listening at dinner.

The whole point of family dinner is to interact as a family. Which means one person shouldn’t do all the talking.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 09:38     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 08:55     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
At home in your safe place you get angry, very angry.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 08:49     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:Yeah it ain’t autism. I am as autistic as is my DD. We love to info dump, but ask before doing so, & are aware if someone is not interested (rejection sensitivity).
This sounds like just man being man, everyone else be damned. Kind of annoying, honestly. I’d talk with him away from the table & let him know that sometimes you all need a second occasionally to get salt, salad dressing, etc.


exactly! with autism you might miss social cues of people being uninterested but you’re not going to get angry when the conversation turns away. my DS will request when he wants to info-dump. It’s cute
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2024 08:47     Subject: Interrupting VERY long stories
Anonymous wrote:This is my husband - either when I’m captive (long car ride, dinner, sitting in my office) or when I’m in the middle of something else. He gets pissy if he’s interrupted, even if there’s an urgent matter, but has no problem interrupting other people.

It’s not autism - it’s being a selfish jerk. You know how I know? He doesn’t do it with people outside the family.


I came to suggest this. I had a jerk boss who used to get pissed when I “interrupted” because he felt I wasn’t respecting him. In 25 years of professional life I had never gotten that feedback before. He just felt that he was the boss and everyone else stfu.