Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for seven years and had no intention of getting remarried. I’m secure, have a good career, great friend and hobbies that keep me busy. I dated casually until I met a great man who I still had no intention of marrying. After several years together I’m starting to change my mind. If I do get remarried it’ll be strictly for practical reasons. My eventual retired health insurance is better than his, and his eventual retirement money is better than mine. We will both have pensions and survivor money would be left on the table if we weren’t married. We both still intend for our premarital estates to go to our own kids and the assets are in our own trusts. Prenup is TBD. Added bonus is that I just enjoy every second we’re together.

I think it goes from being an emotional decision when you’re younger to a practical one.

I made the practical decision when I was young (equal financial partners). I am divorced.

Anonymous wrote:How sad and cynical so many posters are. No wonder our society’s in a shambles. Does love mean nothing?

You realize that traditionally, marriage has nothing to do with love, right? It has been a financial contract until the 20th century when the love thing became a component. Marriage is not about love: it is about financial protection for raising children.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow of seven years and I’m have no intention of remarrying. My husband left me with more than enough to be very comfortable and I have no interest in supporting someone with way less. I do enjoy the company of men as long as they are my age or younger.

+1. Same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women remarry for money.

+1

Our assets will all go to the kids if I pass first (not likely, given DH's hidden health issues). No gold digger will change that.

LOL at married lady responding.

Women like you who assume other women are gold diggers are gross. Go back to your bubble with your unhealthy husband.

You married for money, doesn’t mean we all do. I have my own.

Anonymous wrote:Women remarry for money.

+1

Our assets will all go to the kids if I pass first (not likely, given DH's hidden health issues). No gold digger will change that.

I married for papers, the loser never worked. I'm in no hurry to get married unless the love of my life needs papers. I would only do it once kids are adults. I would give away most of my money to my kids, and then get married.
New DH and I can build financial security together. Easier than prenup and who know what else.
Money is not the problem. Finding the man and getting him is the problem. I have a candidate though.
I don't know who gets married again and again.People who believe in love a lot more than I do I guess.

Anonymous wrote:So many women are anti-marriage (even a first) and the perks for a second seem even more minimal.

Perks for women are minimal?

Anonymous wrote:I will never remarry. I got alimony for life and it would stop if I did. Also I like living alone. My boyfriend has his own home and he knows I never want to live together.

Not according to this one!

Nor to my wife: got everything paid for for 20 years, then decided life's too short to deal with the annoyance of a spouse who'd like her to put down her phone or help out around the hosue, so off she goes... with even more of my money!

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for seven years and had no intention of getting remarried. I’m secure, have a good career, great friend and hobbies that keep me busy. I dated casually until I met a great man who I still had no intention of marrying. After several years together I’m starting to change my mind. If I do get remarried it’ll be strictly for practical reasons. My eventual retired health insurance is better than his, and his eventual retirement money is better than mine. We will both have pensions and survivor money would be left on the table if we weren’t married. We both still intend for our premarital estates to go to our own kids and the assets are in our own trusts. Prenup is TBD. Added bonus is that I just enjoy every second we’re together.

I think it goes from being an emotional decision when you’re younger to a practical one.

This is where we're at. Paperwork or not, we plan to be together for good. We've each set up trusts for the kids, own our own houses, etc. Because our kids still live at home and we live in different states, it makes no sense for us to marry right now. But we have several unwritten "emergencies" that we've discussed that would get us to marry because it would be silly NOT to. The biggest is health coverage - mine is better than his. He's also a few years older than I am and has a family history of heart issues. If something big happened health-wise to him, we'd be at the courthouse immediately. Otherwise, we play it by ear. There's no getting around that marriage allows you to take care of each other in ways that are harder to come by otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:The question is most interesting when it involves a couple that intends to be a couple for life, and have roughly balanced (comfortable) financials so that it’s not about protecting one party or the other financially.

I’m very seriously involved in my sixties with a woman also in her sixties, each of us married once before for many decades. I think the only reasons (minor ones) for us not to get married are 1) that we would probably blow $70k+ on a fantastic wedding, and 2) we like spending about five hours a day together but also like a lot of time apart and 3) we like not having to make any compromises about the physical elements of our respective homes 15 minutes apart.

I can easily wrap my head around the choice of cohabitating while unmarried, but being married and keeping separate houses is highly unusual/more odd (and I would quickly tire of explaining our choice to people).

Many older couples do the "living apart together" model like yours. It can work if the distance between the residences is short, like yours. Gets harder when there is a longer drive time, especially as the couple ages and driving becomes a challenge.

IMO the biggest reason not to marry at that stage of life is often the adult children and grandchildren. Like it or not, inheritance and long-term care issues come into the equation and can be a big challenge.

Adult kids love it when their older parent has a spouse/partner that is looking out for them, caring for them and being a companion. But there is typically very little loyalty to that second spouse when parent dies or is fully incapacitated. I've seen elderly second spouses (late 70s & 80s) get kicked out immediately upon death of the spouse, due to home being part of adult children's inheritance.

Don't get married, ALWAYS keep your own home that you solely have control over, and don't give a damn what other people think.

The question is most interesting when it involves a couple that intends to be a couple for life, and have roughly balanced (comfortable) financials so that it’s not about protecting one party or the other financially.

I’m very seriously involved in my sixties with a woman also in her sixties, each of us married once before for many decades. I think the only reasons (minor ones) for us not to get married are 1) that we would probably blow $70k+ on a fantastic wedding, and 2) we like spending about five hours a day together but also like a lot of time apart and 3) we like not having to make any compromises about the physical elements of our respective homes 15 minutes apart.

I can easily wrap my head around the choice of cohabitating while unmarried, but being married and keeping separate houses is highly unusual/more odd (and I would quickly tire of explaining our choice to people).

I’ve been divorced for seven years and had no intention of getting remarried. I’m secure, have a good career, great friend and hobbies that keep me busy. I dated casually until I met a great man who I still had no intention of marrying. After several years together I’m starting to change my mind. If I do get remarried it’ll be strictly for practical reasons. My eventual retired health insurance is better than his, and his eventual retirement money is better than mine. We will both have pensions and survivor money would be left on the table if we weren’t married. We both still intend for our premarital estates to go to our own kids and the assets are in our own trusts. Prenup is TBD. Added bonus is that I just enjoy every second we’re together.

I think it goes from being an emotional decision when you’re younger to a practical one.

Women remarry for money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this thinking a lot on DCUM. I’m remarried as are many of my divorced friends. You marry for the same reasons you married the first time - love, commitment, financial incentives and security.

The only people I know that aren’t remarried as those who are only dating casually or not at all.

I married the first time because I wanted to be a mother and have a family.
Now I have those things. So, what’s the point?

Exactly. I’ve been free of my ex for six years now. I’ve gotten to focus on raising my kids and my own career, health and passions. I don’t date unless I meet someone wonderful, and hope to not even cohabitate again/ let alone remarry. I’m not losing half my stuff again, to anyone, thanks. I’m financially secure and happy. Why marry??

Lovers suf

Just gat a prenup that protects premarital assets or put them in a trust.

They’re in trust. I’m not talking about my assets, they’re protectable/protected already. I’m talking about the a hassle of rending apart two homes, finding new housing etc. I don’t even want to live with a partner - his house, my house/ his life with his kids my life with my kids works for me. I don’t want to blend lives fully, or to “become one”. I’ll happily stay as “two who love each other without governmental involvement”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this thinking a lot on DCUM. I’m remarried as are many of my divorced friends. You marry for the same reasons you married the first time - love, commitment, financial incentives and security.

The only people I know that aren’t remarried as those who are only dating casually or not at all.

I married the first time because I wanted to be a mother and have a family.
Now I have those things. So, what’s the point?

Exactly. I’ve been free of my ex for six years now. I’ve gotten to focus on raising my kids and my own career, health and passions. I don’t date unless I meet someone wonderful, and hope to not even cohabitate again/ let alone remarry. I’m not losing half my stuff again, to anyone, thanks. I’m financially secure and happy. Why marry??

Lovers suf

Just gat a prenup that protects premarital assets or put them in a trust.

Anonymous wrote:Women who don't get remarried are foolish. They are leaving a lot of money on the table.

Just how much do you think we are talking about here?