Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

Yep, men like a little difficulty. They also like slightly catty women, despite what they say.

No they don’t. A lot of men can’t stand catty women and don’t want to play games.

Live by the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated and that includes yourself!

Don’t listen to this, OP, lol. Be kind but just because you might want someone to something to you doesn’t mean a guy wants that.

I don’t agree with the catty recommendation though. Even if all men loved catty women (which they don’t), that doesn’t mean a woman should intentionally be catty. It’s morally wrong. And also that’s just swinging back around to desperate (being someone you’re not just to get a guy).

What did you mean to write here? Being kind includes being kind to yourself which includes not letting men dictate all of the terms of your relationship. Have self respect- this is not hard.

Sorry that was unclear. What I mean is it's not necessarily a good idea to treat others the way you want to be treated. Let's say OP wants a guy who brings her flowers regularly, cooks for her, just basically is head over heels (and not in a love-bomb-y way) and isn't afraid to show it. I honestly do think that it's great for a man to be that way. But that doesn't mean it's great for a woman to be that way. For a lot of situations it's probably a bad idea.

I know this sounds way too traditional, and maybe it is. But my life experiences totally support this. Perhaps it's because women have been told their whole lives, explicitly or implicitly, that marriage and kids is the only way to happiness. So sometimes we get really desperate for a partner, any partner! But men don't want to feel like they are just filling an role and are essentially interchangeable. They want to feel like they are loved for the individual they are, and if a woman just easily accepts him into her life, it might, paradoxically, feel like she doesn't see him as special. Ultimately the fact that he has to work to get the girl makes him feel much better about the relationship when he succeeds. The men who are after women who bend over backward to get and keep the guy often don't respect those women as much, and see the situation as an opportunity to use her for what he wants rather than being an upstanding, loving partner.

So if a woman doesn't have high standards for a relationship (and by high standards I don't mean money and height, I mean they want the guy to show respect and an eagerness to demonstrate how much they care), just being "nice" and "kind" is going to backfire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Quit dating sharp-dressed handsome types. Find someone who considers you out of his league and will be a little grateful.

NP-Yes, these guys are grateful for a few months. After a while, they thinking of you like any other gf and the special treatment ends. Then you're stuck with a guy you're not interested in who doesn't treat you particularly well. He might even be nasty and resentful if you out-earn him.

Hard pass. Better to find a quality guy with character.

+1!!! I could not agree more. These types of relationships are even worse than the hot guy treating you like trash because you’re not even into the guy and he’s still a jerk!

It’s not about “catty women” or “nice guys.” It’s about having well established boundaries and sticking to them. The sort of guy who will treat you like trash will also very delicately test your boundaries early on. It will usually be very subtle, but he will do it to see if you pass his abuse test. He’ll say that he’ll call, but won’t. Or he’ll ask you to do something uncomfortable like meet up when you’ve already told him you have a lot of work or something. Do not pass his test! Do not try to call him out on it! Just move on and forget about him!

+100000000

And OP do not ever take calls from suitors while you are at work. It’s the first sign of disrespect to come. They try to make like it’s cute but it’s not. They know what they are doing. If they call you at work, text back.

Agree with this. Set boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Quit dating sharp-dressed handsome types. Find someone who considers you out of his league and will be a little grateful.

NP-Yes, these guys are grateful for a few months. After a while, they thinking of you like any other gf and the special treatment ends. Then you're stuck with a guy you're not interested in who doesn't treat you particularly well. He might even be nasty and resentful if you out-earn him.

Hard pass. Better to find a quality guy with character.

+1!!! I could not agree more. These types of relationships are even worse than the hot guy treating you like trash because you’re not even into the guy and he’s still a jerk!

It’s not about “catty women” or “nice guys.” It’s about having well established boundaries and sticking to them. The sort of guy who will treat you like trash will also very delicately test your boundaries early on. It will usually be very subtle, but he will do it to see if you pass his abuse test. He’ll say that he’ll call, but won’t. Or he’ll ask you to do something uncomfortable like meet up when you’ve already told him you have a lot of work or something. Do not pass his test! Do not try to call him out on it! Just move on and forget about him!

+100000000

And OP do not ever take calls from suitors while you are at work. It’s the first sign of disrespect to come. They try to make like it’s cute but it’s not. They know what they are doing. If they call you at work, text back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this myself. I feel very similar. Many guys have ghosted me or said they want an exclusive relationship and ended up cheating. It’s probably similar for men too and just overall really frustrating. Where are the nice guys?

Nice guys aren’t interested in women who don’t have a strong enough sense of self to “do everything right.”

I am over generalizing here, but I say this because after several bad relationships (not as bad as yours but definitely not good), I read Why Men Love B****es and married a nice guy one year later. I didn’t teach me how to find a nice guy, it taught me to stop being desperate. After that I attracted a different kind of man.

Same. I literally skimmed this in a bookstore and had an epiphany. Was married within the year and proposed to by multiple

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

This my whole life people have been telling me I was too nice. I thought being nice was good, but apparently not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

This is 100% true.

Well actually 99.999% true. Some men aren’t like this but they probably have baggage of their own.

Also, read the book Why Men Love Bit***s. It’s kind of BS but also incredibly helpful.

I second the recommendation for this book.

I thirded it and posted the link to the follow up why they marry bit***s

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

+1 Agree. And read: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Marry-Bit (you’ll have to fix the link) ches-Winning/dp/074327637X

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

This is 100% true.

Well actually 99.999% true. Some men aren’t like this but they probably have baggage of their own.

Also, read the book Why Men Love Bit***s. It’s kind of BS but also incredibly helpful.

I second the recommendation for this book.

I third the recommendation for this book, and actually clicked into this thread to do so.

Please get therapy, to understand why this keeps happening to you.

I suspect that you keep dating men who display red flags that are deal breakers for women who have better self esteem.

That does not mean that you are responsible for their bad treatment. But you probably will develop higher standards when you realize your worth, and feel that being alone with yourself is also fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Quit dating sharp-dressed handsome types. Find someone who considers you out of his league and will be a little grateful.

NP-Yes, these guys are grateful for a few months. After a while, they thinking of you like any other gf and the special treatment ends. Then you're stuck with a guy you're not interested in who doesn't treat you particularly well. He might even be nasty and resentful if you out-earn him.

Hard pass. Better to find a quality guy with character.

+1!!! I could not agree more. These types of relationships are even worse than the hot guy treating you like trash because you’re not even into the guy and he’s still a jerk!

It’s not about “catty women” or “nice guys.” It’s about having well established boundaries and sticking to them. The sort of guy who will treat you like trash will also very delicately test your boundaries early on. It will usually be very subtle, but he will do it to see if you pass his abuse test. He’ll say that he’ll call, but won’t. Or he’ll ask you to do something uncomfortable like meet up when you’ve already told him you have a lot of work or something. Do not pass his test! Do not try to call him out on it! Just move on and forget about him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

Yep, men like a little difficulty. They also like slightly catty women, despite what they say.

No they don’t. A lot of men can’t stand catty women and don’t want to play games.

Live by the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated and that includes yourself!

Don’t listen to this, OP, lol. Be kind but just because you might want someone to something to you doesn’t mean a guy wants that.

I don’t agree with the catty recommendation though. Even if all men loved catty women (which they don’t), that doesn’t mean a woman should intentionally be catty. It’s morally wrong. And also that’s just swinging back around to desperate (being someone you’re not just to get a guy).

What did you mean to write here? Being kind includes being kind to yourself which includes not letting men dictate all of the terms of your relationship. Have self respect- this is not hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

News flash (apparently): Men don't like high maintenance and demanding bltches. It's just that attractive women are proportionally high maintenance and demanding bltches, so guys put up with that crap because they're hot.

Another news flash: Men DO have respect for women who are kind to them. You should try it sometime.

Nope. Mediocre-looking women who have good self confidence, high standards, and don’t strive to be “easy to deal with” have better relationships market than gorgeous but insecure women who will bend over backwards for a man.

+1. And don’t believe a man if he says otherwise—the average one neither understands nor can articulate what they want or what motivates them beyond the basic binary of “uhhhh she’s hot or not”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

News flash (apparently): Men don't like high maintenance and demanding bltches. It's just that attractive women are proportionally high maintenance and demanding bltches, so guys put up with that crap because they're hot.

Another news flash: Men DO have respect for women who are kind to them. You should try it sometime.

Nope. Mediocre-looking women who have good self confidence, high standards, and don’t strive to be “easy to deal with” have better relationships market than gorgeous but insecure women who will bend over backwards for a man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

Yep, men like a little difficulty. They also like slightly catty women, despite what they say.

No they don’t. A lot of men can’t stand catty women and don’t want to play games.

Live by the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated and that includes yourself!

Don’t listen to this, OP, lol. Be kind but just because you might want someone to something to you doesn’t mean a guy wants that.

I don’t agree with the catty recommendation though. Even if all men loved catty women (which they don’t), that doesn’t mean a woman should intentionally be catty. It’s morally wrong. And also that’s just swinging back around to desperate (being someone you’re not just to get a guy).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop doing everything right and going along with it. Men don’t have any respect for women who are kind to them.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and very difficult for me to implement because I’m a naturally laid back and low maintenance person. But when I did, I started being treated better.

Don’t listen to all the men who are going to say that they don’t like high maintenance, demanding b-ches. They’re lying to you or to themselves.

Yep, men like a little difficulty. They also like slightly catty women, despite what they say.

No they don’t. A lot of men can’t stand catty women and don’t want to play games.

Live by the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated and that includes yourself!