Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 19:52     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not offended, but disappointed at the underlying assumption.

I was a bit miffed when a friend declared she’d never allow her DD to have sleepovers in homes with older boys. Our DDs were good friends at the time, and my son is older. Years later, he still hasn’t shown any interest in romance. Neither I nor DD had even talked about sleepovers with this friend.

It’s disingenuous to assume that the first move always comes from boys, or that somehow they have less self control. I find that parents who only have girls often make these assumptions.

Not that they should sleep in the same room! But it may not the boy who starts things…


It's far more likely than an older boy will try to take advantage of a younger girl, than the other way around. I'm not sure why this is so offensive to you.


There is no older boy in this case. They are the same age. Girls develop earlier than boys.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 19:50     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:If both the kids are fine with it, I wouldn't care.

Do you all care about same sex because a lot of kids are gay, bi or curious.

Sounds like these two would feel like cousins and nothing more. So I would ask them individually in a nonchalant way and go with whatever they want. It's their trip too.

Because if they do feel like cousins and have a strong friendly connection, separating them seems weird.


Agree!!! Let the kids decide.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 19:22     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find these inquiries so fascinating. It hasn’t come up with our kids yet but dh and I are gay and we had lots of sleepovers with same geneder friends When we were kids.

I think I’d be a hypocrite to object to an opposite gender sleepover for our own kids (provided they were comfortable with it).


Were you open about being gay and were the parents of your friends aware? In the 80s-90s, most 13 yr olds that were gay were not open about it, even with their closest friends, let alone friends’ parents.


I don’t see the relevance unless your suggestion is that there is only a 5-10% chance of something happening with a same gender friend vs a 90-95% chance with opposite gender and somehow the statistics of it make it safer. That seems weird to me.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 19:16     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:This is dumb. You know what she meant. We all know what she meant. They are good friends and have been for years (the moms, the kids). Of course she didn’t literally mean “safe from predatory attacks”

She simply meant there is now a chance of mutual canoodling, it would be better for them to have separate rooms. I wouldn’t blow up a friendship over this wording or really give it a second thought


+1
I thought the same thing. They felt comfortable enough going on vacation with this family for years yet they get caught up on poor word choice? Even DCU strangers can tell there is nothing malicious about this. Most people are uncomfortable having discussion such as this, so I can see how someone could use a wrong.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 16:10     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:Two families have been friends since the oldest kids were 2 or 3, they are now 13. Family 1 has a girl (13) and boy (9). Family 2 has a boy (13). The oldest kids (boy and girl) are close friends and have been since they were little. Neither has ever expressed romantic interest in the other. The families vacation for a long weekend together every year. Family 2 brings along a friend (boy) for the younger child. Families have rented a house for many years and the oldest kids have always shared a room, with separate beds. This year, mom of family 1 asks mom of family 2 if, now that the kids are teens, “is girl safe sharing a bedroom with the boy?” Boy has barely showed any interest in girls romantically and is known as a kind and respectful kid.


You are too selfish making this about yourself. The mom has every right to make sure her teen daughter is not doing anything. Maybe the word ‘safe’ was a poor choice, but nothing wrong with her sentiment (provided that she didn’t equate safe to rape or something.)
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 13:14     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:Not offended, but disappointed at the underlying assumption.

I was a bit miffed when a friend declared she’d never allow her DD to have sleepovers in homes with older boys. Our DDs were good friends at the time, and my son is older. Years later, he still hasn’t shown any interest in romance. Neither I nor DD had even talked about sleepovers with this friend.

It’s disingenuous to assume that the first move always comes from boys, or that somehow they have less self control. I find that parents who only have girls often make these assumptions.

Not that they should sleep in the same room! But it may not the boy who starts things…


It's far more likely than an older boy will try to take advantage of a younger girl, than the other way around. I'm not sure why this is so offensive to you.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 13:12     Subject: Would this offend you?
I am guessing the question was about the friend who Family 1 does not know, and not Family 2's son.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 08:49     Subject: Would this offend you?
All kids in one room has been our solution for a very similar situation. It has worked well.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 08:01     Subject: Would this offend you?
This is dumb. You know what she meant. We all know what she meant. They are good friends and have been for years (the moms, the kids). Of course she didn’t literally mean “safe from predatory attacks”

She simply meant there is now a chance of mutual canoodling, it would be better for them to have separate rooms. I wouldn’t blow up a friendship over this wording or really give it a second thought
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 07:52     Subject: Would this offend you?
Anonymous wrote:I find these inquiries so fascinating. It hasn’t come up with our kids yet but dh and I are gay and we had lots of sleepovers with same geneder friends When we were kids.

I think I’d be a hypocrite to object to an opposite gender sleepover for our own kids (provided they were comfortable with it).


Were you open about being gay and were the parents of your friends aware? In the 80s-90s, most 13 yr olds that were gay were not open about it, even with their closest friends, let alone friends’ parents.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2024 07:20     Subject: Re:Would this offend you?
Weird phrasing so rather than being offended I would go with being concerned. If this is a good family friend you travel with then call and discuss. It might be something has happened to the daughter to make mom hyper vigilant. Overall though since this is a non-relative it might be time to not have them share rooms automatically regardless of gender. Teens need to be consulted about who they are comfortable sleeping near in a private room situation. It might be time for siblings to share a room or for a larger public area to be converted to a not private bunk area for all the kids.