Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 17:36     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?


Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.


Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.


No they don’t.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 17:35     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. We have always paid her when she traveled, but it also never happened when we needed her. We don’t take months off from work. DH has 4 weeks total and I work from home. In the summer I take the kids to my home country (not same as nanny) and between my parents and summer camps I am able to work from there. That is why we don’t need the nanny for 2.5 months in the summer. We are not super wealthy either and have been thinking about reducing the hours we pay our nanny, but haven’t done so for fear she would leave us for FT employment.

I understand that there are cultural differences at play here; I would never ask 1 month off to bury my parents.

She has not asked for paid leave, but I think she assumes we will pay her since we have always done that when she (and we) traveled even for extended time.

I think I will tell her we can’t afford to pay for a replacement on top of her salary and she can take 1 week off paid and the rest without pay.

She has already taken more than 10 days off since the year started.


I doubt she expects paid leave under the circumstances. That would be insane.

How old are your kids? Is there a reason you're not either using a child care center or before/after care? Unless they've got special needs, it seems like an option an obvious solution to these kinds if problems while also being cheaper. And kids that stick with nannies very long past about 2 or 3 often end up... weird.


I know plenty of families that have this type of setup and the kids are not weird at all. It's typically a family that has two working parents with jobs requiring travel or irregular hours. In fact my OB is one of them. They need a 3rd adult to help with driving the kids to and from activities, being backup when school is cancelled or a kid is sick. My neighbor also has this and it's because she travels a ton for work. I know many other families that rely on grandparents for this but if you don't have that and you want to keep working at your job you end up paying for this type of help. Having the same person for a decade means that they understand your kids, your schedule, etc.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:59     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?

PK and elementary. They have sports and activities and need someone to physically drive them around.


Do work 18 hour days? Aren't these things in the evenings?

Carpool or maybe your young kids miss a few of their activities.


This. OP, can you find a way to work and take care of the kids’ activities? Many working mothers do this year-round, so it can be done.

I feel the relationship with your nanny is most important right now. A combination of bereavement leave and unpaid leave seems reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:55     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:It’s January 20. She has taken 10 days off this year already? There have been less than 15 working days since January 1. It may be time to move onto a new childcare situation.[/[b]quote]

You're wasting a ton of money on childcare if you pay the nanny for 8 hours but she works half that and doesn't work for several months on the summer/winter break. Not a smart move financially.

You mentioned a PK kids. Is that private school you are paying too?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:51     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?

PK and elementary. They have sports and activities and need someone to physically drive them around.


Do work 18 hour days? Aren't these things in the evenings?

Carpool or maybe your young kids miss a few of their activities.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:50     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


No, I am a contractor and if I don’t work I don’t get paid and we can’t afford that since I have already just taken a week off this week


But you work from home and in the summer you work from your home country?


What is so unbelievable about that?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:50     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:We have a great nanny. She has been with us for 10 years (3 kids). She is really great and part of the family and that is why we kept her even after the youngest started school FT. She is currently paid for 8 hours of work, but really only works 4 per day. We have been always very flexible with her and she has generous vacations since we also travel 2+ months in the summer and 2-3 weeks for winter break. For example she spent almost 2 months in her home country last summer and 1 week in the Caribbean (not with us) for winter break.

Her mom lived in a city nearby and was very sick in the last month and nanny took several days off to be with her. She recently passed away and nanny wants to take her to be buried in her home country. The trip is long and she has asked for 3-4 weeks off.

We are not going to be able to pay her and her replacement. I can perhaps have one of my parents fly here to help for some of that time, but I am also upset and don’t think nanny should be paid for those 3-4 weeks she is taking. I would totally understand 1 week off, but 3-4 no.

What do you think? What should we do?

Thanks


If you say no you will have ruined your relationship. I can't imagine being so heartless though. Her MOTHER died! Can't you get a temporary nanny and hired her when she comes back?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:48     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


No, I am a contractor and if I don’t work I don’t get paid and we can’t afford that since I have already just taken a week off this week


But you work from home and in the summer you work from your home country?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:47     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?


It is so her employee can bury her mother.


What culture is this that requires 3-4 weeks to bury someone? I've had coworkers do this and return after a week. I can understand two weeks since it's an international flight. Anything above that, I think, is just the employee wanting to take extra time and visit family since she's there. That's an understandable ask, but not paid. Paying for one week of bereavement would be very generous on the OP's part. The rest is really the nanny's choice as to whether this extended time in her home country is worth losing several weeks of pay. It is a luxury that most US workers would not be able to swing between PTO issues, approvals, and lack of pay. And plenty would not have a job to come back to since this does not fall under FMLA.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:37     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?


It is so her employee can bury her mother.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:35     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?


Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.


Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.


Well, that's definitely not true.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:29     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?


Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.


Unbelievable. Her mother died.

Most jobs have at least a few weeks of bereavement leave.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:25     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?

PK and elementary. They have sports and activities and need someone to physically drive them around.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:15     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny did exactly this and then once she was there had some convoluted reason she needed to extend by 2 more weeks. Then she came back and was a changed person, forgot to pick up one of the kids from preschool, etc. we ended up having to fire her.
Why not have her do this while you are away in the summer?


Umm, she is taking her mother home to BURY her. My god, the entitlement in your post.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2024 16:10     Subject: Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?
Anonymous wrote:Can you take several weeks off of work?


So OP should burn her PTO or go on unpaid leave to accommodate this?


Also OP how old are your kids?