Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:54     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:This woman did all the work of setting up and running this program, and you're shitting on her for making sure your daughter got a note?

OP and your daughter have sensitivity/anxiety issues. That's OK. We all do. But you need to work on that, and not rage out on everyone around you for their completely normal, civil, *caring*, behavior, or else you'll isolate yourselves even further.


Not Op, but come on. What work did she do? Telling a few kids to write a few notes and messing it up so that OP’s kid didn’t have a match? No, this lady came up with a stupid idea and then half-assed it. Maybe she should focus on doing one thing right at a time instead of having her hands in a lot of different pots and doing everything badly?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:53     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another possibility: the kid made a lovely note and it was forgotten at home so the parent replicated in a pinch. Stuff happens. Let it go.


I heard what happened. I was annoyed enough that I directly texted just m the mom who was organizing things to let her know we wouldn’t be participating for the next meet because it made my daughter feel crappy before this meet instead of encouraged. I said that my daughter realized it was from an adult and felt hurt. I didn’t send a group text.

She replied and confessed that she had messed up the names this week and realized that she hadn’t assigned my daughter a buddy and didn’t know what to do so at the last minute and she wrote the note herself.

I already dislike this mom for other reasons plus she was the one obsessed with doing buddies in the first place. Knowing that she knew my daughter didn’t have a buddy for a week and then tried to cover it at the last minute was not the explanation I was expecting.

Definitely would have been more understanding of poor fine motor skills or a dead grandma or some of the other not unreasonable explanations others wrote here.


So between posting this a little after midnight and this post before 9 AM, you already texted the mother to ask her what happened?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:51     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
OP owes that lady a heartfelt apology, and daughter owes her a gel-pen thank you note for promoting team morale.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:50     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
This woman did all the work of setting up and running this program, and you're shitting on her for making sure your daughter got a note?

OP and your daughter have sensitivity/anxiety issues. That's OK. We all do. But you need to work on that, and not rage out on everyone around you for their completely normal, civil, *caring*, behavior, or else you'll isolate yourselves even further.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:46     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
I have a child that has fine motor delays so could not have written a note really at third grade. I still remember a mom teasing him on a hike because his shoes weren’t tied. He honestly could not tie his shoes so I tied them for him but it was embarrassing to have his mom do it in front of all the other boys. He is academically advanced and very athletic but could not do things like that (puzzles and legos were also a challenge). Anyway you don’t really know. It’s a good opportunity to remind your daughter everyone is dealing with different stuff. So long as the note wasn’t mean, I’d use it as a teaching oportunjy. The same way she’d want teammates to have some empathy for her not having a great week at a meet, she can have some empathy for a teammate that is not a great writer or maybe had a bad week in some other unknwn way. And maybe appreciate the mom who stepped up and tried to fill in the gap.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:42     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:Most tedious thread ever. Congrats OP


Thanks! Trying to provide you with the full swim team experience. A meet’s nothing if not tedious!
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:42     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:How are you offended by this


Because her DD busted out the gel pens! Sorry, that’s gonna be a top 10 read-it-on-DCUM phrase for me now.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:40     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Most tedious thread ever. Congrats OP
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:39     Subject: Re:Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
OP, I am a teacher of fourth graders. You will be amazed that children have all different reading and writing levels. I have some students that are on a kindergarten and first grade level when it comes to writing. Its not unheard of. Maybe the chid did not want to feel left out and wanted to participate but knew her writing would not be good so mom helped out. I am not saying its the case but giving you a perspective that would hopefully make you look at things a little less negative.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:37     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
You are over-reacting. I understand why a child feels disappointed, but then again, she chose to put in all the time and effort with gel pens, etc.—because it’s a GIFT, right? And gifts are given with no expectation of reciprocity. Either she makes an effort because she wants to and doesn’t expect anything in return, or she dials it back because she gets not everyone has the gusto.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:36     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:This is not the special needs board. Special needs mommies need to stop. OP’s daughter has already received notes so we know her buddy is capable of writing.

Yes, absolutely text the moms and say you think the notes need to stop now. This is a really stupid idea and the mommy who decided to do it shouldn’t be allowed to organize this sort of stuff again. How did she think it would go???


Are you slow? The buddy changes weekly!
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:35     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Is this real? I cannot believe how op has made this so a huge deal.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:32     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:Swim Team Moms are the worst. They’re usually extremely fat, bossy cows living vicariously through their kids while refusing to exercise at all themselves. My swimmer attends practices, goes to some meets and then we stay the hell out of anything that isn’t mandatory. I pay extra fees not to volunteer, but it’s worth it. In general, dads are so much better about organizing sports’ activities. This stupid note nonsense is just another example of that.


You’re really selling yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:29     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Swim Team Moms are the worst. They’re usually extremely fat, bossy cows living vicariously through their kids while refusing to exercise at all themselves. My swimmer attends practices, goes to some meets and then we stay the hell out of anything that isn’t mandatory. I pay extra fees not to volunteer, but it’s worth it. In general, dads are so much better about organizing sports’ activities. This stupid note nonsense is just another example of that.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2024 08:26     Subject: Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If participation is voluntary, why don’t you just opt out for the remaining meets?


We’re going to. One of the moms in charge was one of the moms of a kid who didn’t like the idea of the same buddy for the entire season, so new buddies are chosen each week. So that lets me opt out since it doesn’t leave one girl without a buddy for the rest of the season.


Are you opting out because you want to or did your daughter ask for that?


My daughter said “I wish I didn’t have to do this because it made me feel sad and weird”.


I’m sorry I don’t understand what made her feel weird?


I think that’s just how 9 year olds describe negative emotions and/or a reaction to processing the realization that your anticipated pep talk from a teammate ended up being more like a note from a teacher.


The only thing, weird OP, is your reaction to all of this! Seriously please evaluate why you’re making such a big deal out of this.