Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

Very similar experience with PTA in the Vienna area.

Anonymous wrote:I found this a little at our private but the worst had been summer swim team. Those moms are martyrs but so unfriendly to anyone that offers to help out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Some people would prefer that some of these events NOT happen. Like fundraising that is linked to actual school funding -- yes. But a lot of parents dislike the million spirit days and seasonal fairs. Elementary schools do not need yearbooks, and by the time kids are ready for yearbooks, they are old enough to do it themselves. They also don't need "school directories", assuming you are referring to a directory of families -- you can just do class lists. If you're referring to staff directories, of course the school can do that themselves (though some would likely prefer not too!).

Our school does sponsor its own picture days, all academic fairs, and spelling bees, as well as readathons and other academically-focused events. Those work much better when they are tied to curriculum and classroom activities anyway -- a PTA-run spelling bee sounds like a bad idea, in all honesty. The school also organizes Back to School night, and most after school clubs are organized by teachers or staff -- sometimes parents volunteer to help with them (often actually) but the clubs have to have teacher/staff sponsors for legal reasons, so this is organized through the school and not the PTA. The PTA doesn't have to do anything except sometimes say "Ms. Smith is looking for parent volunteers to help with Lego Club, if anyone would like to volunteer please contact Ms. Smith."

I would be perfectly happy with a PTA that just organized fundraising events, maybe one per trimester and any ongoing virtual fundraising (like selling school branded gear online). At the elementary level, I truly do not need the other stuff and neither does my kid. A lot of it is busywork that doesn't add much to the school experience for kids and can cause a lot of headaches and stress for parents.

Ms. Smith is tired and doesn’t really want to run Lego club. Instead she wants to spend this time grading papers before going home to her own family.

Well then they have to cancel Lego club because the school legally cannot sponsor a club without a staff sponsor because of rules about who is allowed to supervise kids on school grounds.

A volunteer parent can run such a club at school through the PTA. I believe that is PP’s point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Some people would prefer that some of these events NOT happen. Like fundraising that is linked to actual school funding -- yes. But a lot of parents dislike the million spirit days and seasonal fairs. Elementary schools do not need yearbooks, and by the time kids are ready for yearbooks, they are old enough to do it themselves. They also don't need "school directories", assuming you are referring to a directory of families -- you can just do class lists. If you're referring to staff directories, of course the school can do that themselves (though some would likely prefer not too!).

Our school does sponsor its own picture days, all academic fairs, and spelling bees, as well as readathons and other academically-focused events. Those work much better when they are tied to curriculum and classroom activities anyway -- a PTA-run spelling bee sounds like a bad idea, in all honesty. The school also organizes Back to School night, and most after school clubs are organized by teachers or staff -- sometimes parents volunteer to help with them (often actually) but the clubs have to have teacher/staff sponsors for legal reasons, so this is organized through the school and not the PTA. The PTA doesn't have to do anything except sometimes say "Ms. Smith is looking for parent volunteers to help with Lego Club, if anyone would like to volunteer please contact Ms. Smith."

I would be perfectly happy with a PTA that just organized fundraising events, maybe one per trimester and any ongoing virtual fundraising (like selling school branded gear online). At the elementary level, I truly do not need the other stuff and neither does my kid. A lot of it is busywork that doesn't add much to the school experience for kids and can cause a lot of headaches and stress for parents.

Ms. Smith is tired and doesn’t really want to run Lego club. Instead she wants to spend this time grading papers before going home to her own family.

Well then they have to cancel Lego club because the school legally cannot sponsor a club without a staff sponsor because of rules about who is allowed to supervise kids on school grounds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Some people would prefer that some of these events NOT happen. Like fundraising that is linked to actual school funding -- yes. But a lot of parents dislike the million spirit days and seasonal fairs. Elementary schools do not need yearbooks, and by the time kids are ready for yearbooks, they are old enough to do it themselves. They also don't need "school directories", assuming you are referring to a directory of families -- you can just do class lists. If you're referring to staff directories, of course the school can do that themselves (though some would likely prefer not too!).

Our school does sponsor its own picture days, all academic fairs, and spelling bees, as well as readathons and other academically-focused events. Those work much better when they are tied to curriculum and classroom activities anyway -- a PTA-run spelling bee sounds like a bad idea, in all honesty. The school also organizes Back to School night, and most after school clubs are organized by teachers or staff -- sometimes parents volunteer to help with them (often actually) but the clubs have to have teacher/staff sponsors for legal reasons, so this is organized through the school and not the PTA. The PTA doesn't have to do anything except sometimes say "Ms. Smith is looking for parent volunteers to help with Lego Club, if anyone would like to volunteer please contact Ms. Smith."

I would be perfectly happy with a PTA that just organized fundraising events, maybe one per trimester and any ongoing virtual fundraising (like selling school branded gear online). At the elementary level, I truly do not need the other stuff and neither does my kid. A lot of it is busywork that doesn't add much to the school experience for kids and can cause a lot of headaches and stress for parents.

Ms. Smith is tired and doesn’t really want to run Lego club. Instead she wants to spend this time grading papers before going home to her own family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

Very similar experience with PTA in the Vienna area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Some people would prefer that some of these events NOT happen. Like fundraising that is linked to actual school funding -- yes. But a lot of parents dislike the million spirit days and seasonal fairs. Elementary schools do not need yearbooks, and by the time kids are ready for yearbooks, they are old enough to do it themselves. They also don't need "school directories", assuming you are referring to a directory of families -- you can just do class lists. If you're referring to staff directories, of course the school can do that themselves (though some would likely prefer not too!).

Our school does sponsor its own picture days, all academic fairs, and spelling bees, as well as readathons and other academically-focused events. Those work much better when they are tied to curriculum and classroom activities anyway -- a PTA-run spelling bee sounds like a bad idea, in all honesty. The school also organizes Back to School night, and most after school clubs are organized by teachers or staff -- sometimes parents volunteer to help with them (often actually) but the clubs have to have teacher/staff sponsors for legal reasons, so this is organized through the school and not the PTA. The PTA doesn't have to do anything except sometimes say "Ms. Smith is looking for parent volunteers to help with Lego Club, if anyone would like to volunteer please contact Ms. Smith."

I would be perfectly happy with a PTA that just organized fundraising events, maybe one per trimester and any ongoing virtual fundraising (like selling school branded gear online). At the elementary level, I truly do not need the other stuff and neither does my kid. A lot of it is busywork that doesn't add much to the school experience for kids and can cause a lot of headaches and stress for parents.

Anonymous wrote:The PTA at our school feels really cliquish. I tried volunteering for a while but felt very unwelcome. Now I do things for them occasionally out of obligation to the school and because I think it's important to demonstrate what community involvement is to my kid. But I don't jt enjoy it at all because I find the other PTA parents bizarrely unfriendly and I just kind of smile my way through it but when it's over I always tell my husband "remind me not to do this again."

I just don't get their behavior. They constantly ask for volunteers and want more people involved, but they clearly mostly just want people who they already know (because their kids are friends, are in the same activities, or they're neighbors or whatever) and they view me as an outsider. It often feels like they are like "We desperately need volunteers! No, not you." It's feels pretty bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

DP. Of course they organize picture day. They also organize book fairs, back to school events, after school clubs, yearbooks, multicultural fairs, steam fairs, spelling bees, read a thons, school stores, school directories, student supply kits, staff appreciation days, various fundraising events/spirit days and much much more. If they didn’t, these events would not happen in most schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA does so much for our school. It's a few volunteers taking on the burden of time, money, and effort for everyone else. God bless them. If that leads to them acting like a click or someone insular, who cares.

Walk in their shoes and then you'll get it. I started to get involved in the PTA before my health took a turn. I didn't get a chance to do much. But I did help out with picture day. And calling parents and trying to get issues resolved, I was treated so rudely, as if I was working for the photo company and I get a commission or something. It's ridiculous. So many thankless tasks.

My friend ran a program where they collect used instruments, get them refurbished by a music school in town, and the kids write an essay to have a chance to win the instrument. One of the winners families complained that the (totally functional clarinet) was not good enough and the PTA should buy them a brand new one, which they can't afford. The list goes on.

My friend is such a sweet person and worked so hard, there were so many steps to this process and for someone to be nasty to her at the end, which this parent was... It's just awful.

What in the world? PTA should have anything to do with organizing instrument rentals and picture day. Stay in your lane. This is a case of too many hands that want to be in the pot

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the volunteers who organize and staff all the fun things at your kids school?

There are great PTA parents and there are the exclusive, snooty ones who treat this like their job and other volunteers like their employees. I will never volunteer for my child's PTA again after the way some woman tried to micromanage me like I was her employee! Sorry lady, I already have one of those in my actual job. I'm doing this to help the children at my kids school for free. You don't get to treat me like crap. Nope, make your own damn sign up genius this year.

This. You can't generalize about PTA parents anymore than you can generalize about "coworkers" or "neighbors." A few are amazing, most are okay, some are horrible. Unfortunately, because of the way you interact with them (thrown together due to your kid attending that school), if you happen upon a horrible one, it can really negatively impact your life. Just like a totally miserable coworker or a really obnoxious neighbor.

Anyway, I've had a bad experience with our PTA, though mostly due to two specific members who are extremely clique-y and rude. Everyone else is fine or even great, but I minimize how much stuff I do with the PTA in order to avoid these two women. They both have kids in my kid's grade, too. It sucks! I wish they could be more chill and slightly less unpleasant, but this is the path they've chosen.

I came to say this. Organizing a well run PTA is a tough ask. By well-run, I mean sufficiently able organize and put on events and fundraise, not to mention advocate for families and the community. You have the population available, plus their other life demands and season (are they a new K parent and you can get them for six years or 4th grade and its their last kid). In a workplace you have the luxury of building a team with possibly unlimited time to do it.

I never imagined I'd ever even participate in the PTA because my understanding and impression from growing up that it was a bunch of cliquey parents that didn't want other folks involved. I somehow have ended up as our president. I wasn't seeking the role, but was asked, because some of the more involved parents/families were matriculating out. I have seen some hints of the issues people talk about, but I am fairly convinced (less than half way through the year) that these are generally unchecked attitudes and actions of some toxic people. That sets the tone for acceptable behaviors, especially to others involved in PTA, which then isolates those people. I've decided that I will be committed to not letting these behaviors perpetuate and cause harm. We take the issues head-on and so far (???) it seems to be working.