Anonymous
01/22/2024 19:12
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not being in a position to help anymore is not a commentary on whether OP or other victims deserve help, or whether they are at fault, or anything at all about them.
Right. And not being in a position to help (anymore) doesn't entitle a "friend" to blame that on the victim. Yes, take care of yourself. You can do that without being crappy to others.
No disagreement. But if the victim blames and shames the friend for not being there for them, that's also being crappy. Both of those are bad things.
Youโre really confused about what friendship is.
It's interesting that only one person gets to be a victim and need help or tolerance in your world. Just the one. Just you.
OMFG. Really? Yes, PP, in a case where someone is being abused, they are the victim. You claiming victim status because they're telling you too much about their abusive situation is... extraordinarily self-centered, and obnoxious.
PP is basically saying "My friend who is being abused didn't think about me enough". Dude, they're being abused. Do you have any idea how hard it is to think clearly about anything in that state, let alone other people's emotional states, or how they might react to hearing about your abuse? And most abuse victims DO consider the impact of their behavior on others; it's what makes them targets for abusers in the first place.
Don't dump in. You need this, badly, along with some basic compassion 101: https://psychcentral.com/health/circle-of-grief-ring-theory
Anonymous
01/22/2024 19:09
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not being in a position to help anymore is not a commentary on whether OP or other victims deserve help, or whether they are at fault, or anything at all about them.
Right. And not being in a position to help (anymore) doesn't entitle a "friend" to blame that on the victim. Yes, take care of yourself. You can do that without being crappy to others.
No disagreement. But if the victim blames and shames the friend for not being there for them, that's also being crappy. Both of those are bad things.
Youโre really confused about what friendship is.
It's interesting that only one person gets to be a victim and need help or tolerance in your world. Just the one. Just you.
OMFG. Really? Yes, PP, in a case where someone is being abused, they are the victim. You claiming victim status because they're telling you too much about their abusive situation is... extraordinarily self-centered, and obnoxious.
Anonymous
01/22/2024 12:57
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not being in a position to help anymore is not a commentary on whether OP or other victims deserve help, or whether they are at fault, or anything at all about them.
Right. And not being in a position to help (anymore) doesn't entitle a "friend" to blame that on the victim. Yes, take care of yourself. You can do that without being crappy to others.
No disagreement. But if the victim blames and shames the friend for not being there for them, that's also being crappy. Both of those are bad things.
Youโre really confused about what friendship is.
It's interesting that only one person gets to be a victim and need help or tolerance in your world. Just the one. Just you.
Iโm not the OP. Just an observer. Look in the mirror.
Anonymous
01/22/2024 12:56
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And the "rescuers" may have their own struggles, and they are responsible for drawing and keeping those boundaries for themselves. Someone with a history of depression, anxiety, PTSD, their own history of abuse, or many other struggles -- of which you might not now or ever be aware -- may need to provide that support. They are responsible to themselves and to others who are depending on them.
You don't get to insist that people let themselves be climbed on and pushed under to save someone who is drowning, PP. There is always the caveat of "if you can," and you are not the privileged person to decide what other people can and cannot handle.
You sound like a self absorbed person who has very little to give to anyone.
Victims are like that, aren't they?
All about you I guess? As I recall, the original victim is the person who, you know, started the post not you who arrived as an attention-seeker.
Anonymous
01/22/2024 09:21
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not being in a position to help anymore is not a commentary on whether OP or other victims deserve help, or whether they are at fault, or anything at all about them.
Right. And not being in a position to help (anymore) doesn't entitle a "friend" to blame that on the victim. Yes, take care of yourself. You can do that without being crappy to others.
No disagreement. But if the victim blames and shames the friend for not being there for them, that's also being crappy. Both of those are bad things.
Youโre really confused about what friendship is.
It's interesting that only one person gets to be a victim and need help or tolerance in your world. Just the one. Just you.
Anonymous
01/22/2024 09:20
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And the "rescuers" may have their own struggles, and they are responsible for drawing and keeping those boundaries for themselves. Someone with a history of depression, anxiety, PTSD, their own history of abuse, or many other struggles -- of which you might not now or ever be aware -- may need to provide that support. They are responsible to themselves and to others who are depending on them.
You don't get to insist that people let themselves be climbed on and pushed under to save someone who is drowning, PP. There is always the caveat of "if you can," and you are not the privileged person to decide what other people can and cannot handle.
You sound like a self absorbed person who has very little to give to anyone.
Victims are like that, aren't they?
Anonymous
01/22/2024 09:19
Subject: Former Victim Of Domestic Violence ๐
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to say this but you have a tendency to attract problems and call me cold or whatever but I avoid such people like the plague because I tend to be sucked in
So yeah start presenting as a person in control of your life and maybe some friends will come back
May you find yourself alone when life's difficulties find you.
Interesting that you are wishing ill on someone that has shown they have boundaries. I am guessing you are an abuser yourself.
There's a massive gap between "having boundaries" and utterly rejecting anyone with problems because you actually don't have boundaries and admit you get "sucked in". Then you tried to DARVO and call wishing someone a taste of their own brand the abuse, so we can see pretty clearly who the abuser is here.
Good luck with all that. In your pretend-perfect life where nobody with a problem is allowed because you have no boundaries for yourself.