Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

Gotta love how the first page of comments is all people giving you unsolicited fertility advice.
People are unbelievably lacking in self-awareness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

You should screenshot this post of yours and then reread it when you are in your 40s and struggling with fertility, because you waited too long. Believe me all the fun things that are fulfilling to you right now aren’t going to be super fun once the redundancy kicks in. Your husband can simply marry a younger woman and have kids anytime in his life. Literally. And you can’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s small talk, honestly. People like to give advice. You shouldn’t take it so personal. We’ve been infertile for years now and people’s advice just rolls off my back like a duck at this point.

If I could give you advice, I’d tell you now is the time to think about your fertility rather than later, too. But I promise, I’m not obsessed with you.

Thanks of exemplifying the kind of comments I have to deal with. I already mentioned that I'm aware how fertility might be an issue and that I might not be able to conceive at all, but you just ignored that. You might not be obsessed with me, but it's obvious that many people give me advice as if I wasn't aware of what going on in my life.

PP. It doesn’t seem like you’re aware at all, hence your obstinacy in the face of valid advice.

People, even my closest friends, give me advice I don’t want to hear all the time: I won’t do IVF because it goes against my religious beliefs. It’s okay, they’re giving me practical advice and I am simply choosing not to take it. If you’re so secure in your decision, it’s as easy as literally not taking their advice and it wouldn’t really shake you the way it’s doing right now.

You can’t let people being what they perceive to be polite and helpful as adversarial and negative. Well you can, but it’s only going to make you miserable and irritated.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

If the two of you actually create embryos, as opposed to just freezing your eggs, then you will have no problem getting pregnant when you’re older. You can carry the child yourself or use a surrogate. Many women choose to do this if they are not ready for kids. Most iVF doctors help you with the frozen embryos as late as 55 years old. This just give you some time to figure out things.

Didn't OP said that money was the issue? If you can't comfortably provide a child then you won't be able to pay for embryo freezing or a surrogate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s small talk, honestly. People like to give advice. You shouldn’t take it so personal. We’ve been infertile for years now and people’s advice just rolls off my back like a duck at this point.

If I could give you advice, I’d tell you now is the time to think about your fertility rather than later, too. But I promise, I’m not obsessed with you.

Thanks of exemplifying the kind of comments I have to deal with. I already mentioned that I'm aware how fertility might be an issue and that I might not be able to conceive at all, but you just ignored that. You might not be obsessed with me, but it's obvious that many people give me advice as if I wasn't aware of what going on in my life.

Anonymous wrote:Wait til you have the baby then the unsolicited baby advice kicks in

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're right, you're wrong. Are they rude to say so? Maybe in the moment, sure. It's because we all know what utter despair awaits certain mothers who desperately want children and cannot have them (mothers, because they have miscarriages).

Unless you're homeless, you can always have kids. I have my first in grad school at 25 while our HHI was 60K. We could barely afford daycare, and were extremely frugal in every part of our lives. We cooked from scratch food we bought on sake, never ate out or purchased entertainment, and stayed in a crappy one-bedroom for 10 years saving for a downpayment on a house. We had two kids in that one bedroom.

Now we're wealthy, and I have secondary infertility due to an autoimmune disease. I am so thankful I had my children young!

I know you don't want to hear this, OP, but they're right. They can be both right and rude. And frankly, you need to grow up and deal with the remarks, as well as your own life choices.

I'm satisfied with my life choices and accept that children might not be in my horizon. I'm just pissed how people who don't know me well give me advice on such a personal topic. Would you like it if relative strangers who don't know anything about your sex life started giving you advice on safe sex or your yeast infection?

Ha ha! PP you replied to. I hardly ever take offense, OP, but that would be a hilarious conversation. If you're happy with your life and don't actually care about having children, then you should say so to shut them up. Seems your mistake was to express ambivalence. "Thanks but we're not planning on having kids". My cousin had her first at 36 after 10 years of telling everyone she did not want kids. She's clever, and just wanted some privacy while she figured her life out. She had one miscarriage, then a healthy baby girl. So you can always go that route if you want!

I just tell them that I don't want to discuss the topic. I said that in one of my posts. The people generally don't ask about my plans to have children, which I have no problem replying to. People just learn my age and start telling me about how I should do and have children because fertility. I tll them nicely that it's none of their business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

If the two of you actually create embryos, as opposed to just freezing your eggs, then you will have no problem getting pregnant when you’re older. You can carry the child yourself or use a surrogate. Many women choose to do this if they are not ready for kids. Most iVF doctors help you with the frozen embryos as late as 55 years old. This just give you some time to figure out things.

Anonymous wrote:Because they wanted kids, were infertile and really would have liked to have kids. Have some empathy.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?