Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 21:42     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
I have never had a problem not changing my name, except that my father wrote a gift check to me (nothing major) and wrote it to the name it would be if I had changed my name when married. I had a little trouble cashing it but then my husband endorsed it. Bizarre.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 21:26     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Woven who don’t change their name to their husbands name are stupid for one reason only.



Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 21:16     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
I’ve never experienced an issue with anything for my kids. Schools, travel, prescriptions. FH is also a different race, and our kids look a lot like him. Not once have we encountered any problems. For a while, when I traveled alone with the kids I’d take their birth certificates just in case, but no one asked for them and so I stopped.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 20:56     Subject: Re:s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>


This is sooo stupid, and the height of selfish / ridiculous self-importance. What if everyone did this? What last name are your kids supposed to give THEIR kids? What if they marry someone whose parents were equally self-indulgent?


Wow. This seems to have triggered you.

PP you’re responding to. It was my DH's choice. The kids could either have my last name, a hyphenated name or we could all change our last name to something else and we'd all have the same last name. He chose to hyphenate.

Selfish/self-indulgent would be not giving equal weight to your partner's preference. You may not have cared if your kids had your last name but I cared. So did DH which is why he chose to hyphenate. He didn't want to change his last name.

As far as what names my kids give their kids, it's up to them. My cousins have hyphenated names (my Aunt kept her last name after marriage after the Supreme Court ruled women didn’t have to take their DH's last name). As adults, some use my Uncle's last name, some use my Aunt's, some still hyphenate, some changed their name upon marriage. Adults get to choose. Not a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 20:01     Subject: Re:s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>


This is sooo stupid, and the height of selfish / ridiculous self-importance. What if everyone did this? What last name are your kids supposed to give THEIR kids? What if they marry someone whose parents were equally self-indulgent?


+1 I absolutely HATE the hyphenated names for the kids for this reason.


Oh the humanity!

Did you fools not know that there are a ton of very snooty families in the UK with double surnames? The double barrelled last name is a time-honored tradition in the UK.

What do you think Helena Bonham Carter's last name is? Or Sacha Baron Cohen? Or Andrew Lloyd-Weber?

Some of you are very provincial.



Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 19:51     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also chiming in that in the 13 years I've been a parent with her own name, I also have never had a single issue traveling domestically or internationally, at school, or in any other situation.

I took dh's last name and I consider it my own. I'm sure you don't intend to imply that those who change their last names don't have their "own name", but we do. I'm Jill Dh's Lastname. I chose this name. It is my own name.


You know what she meant. Birth name.

My birth name includes my father's last name. Whatever women choose to do namewise, they still have a man's last name.


Such a silly argument. Once you have a name it's your name. It's the name you were born with, the name you grew up with. It's YOUR name.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 19:30     Subject: Re:s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>


This is sooo stupid, and the height of selfish / ridiculous self-importance. What if everyone did this? What last name are your kids supposed to give THEIR kids? What if they marry someone whose parents were equally self-indulgent?


+1 I absolutely HATE the hyphenated names for the kids for this reason.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 19:29     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.


This. I went back and forth on whether to change my last name. I ended up changing my last name because I wanted the same last name as my kids. It just seemed like the easy "shorthand indicator" that we're a family so people don't have to guess which kid belongs to Larla Knickerbocker. Some posters here highlighted lots of good ways to get around having a different last name, so both ways work.

I have to say that the outrage either way irritates me. We're still underpaid and do more domestic work and childcare than our husbands even if we all work FT. That matters a lot more to me.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 17:02     Subject: Re:s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
I never changed my name and I don't have any logistical issues. My kids are 12 and 14. They have their dad's last name because I'm personally not a fan of the hyphen by YMMV. They have my last name as my middle name.

In terms of the logistical issues if I would have changed my name? I think that all depends on what stage of life you were in when you get married. I owned property and was moving along in my career before I was married. It would have been annoying to change at that point so I didn't.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 16:27     Subject: Re:s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>


This is sooo stupid, and the height of selfish / ridiculous self-importance. What if everyone did this? What last name are your kids supposed to give THEIR kids? What if they marry someone whose parents were equally self-indulgent?
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 16:24     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.


I made my maiden last name my middle name. It was very helpful when my father passed away for this very reason.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 16:23     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
I have been married for 12 years took my husband’s name. This is just my antecdote but I never got around to changing my name on my PayPal acct bc I didnt want to deal with sending in a marriage certificate just for PayPal. That has never caused any problems with my using the service or getting/sending $.

Now that I think about it, I never told the Dept of Ed my new last name re student loans. I am still on the hook for them and the loan servicer has no qualms about taking my $ every month.

Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 15:43     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:I changed my name and the hardest change was for frequent flyer accounts. I would say the potential hassle is more social rather than logistical. Who should Second Cousin Mary address the wedding invite to? Not that big a problem for most people now that couples aren’t always even married much less sharing a name.

This thread has made me realize how easy it would be to pick up random people’s prescriptions. I know they take IDs for controlled substances, but in general I’m surprised there’s not more theft. If I refused to put in my phone number at Walgreens would they still give me my husband’s prescription?


Why don't you ask?
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 14:41     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
Anonymous wrote:I think the point is that it's silly to use "I just knew I'd encounter terrible logistical issues" when nooo one encounters them


I think we all know that is not the real reason. We can just stop pretending. I agree no one should have to justify their choice. However much of a surrender to the patriarchy it may be.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 14:40     Subject: s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"
I never understood the argument that it’s a huge headache to change it either. All I had to do was take my new marriage certificate to the social security office and get a new card. Then I got a new driver’s license. Updated my name a few other places (Amazon account, new checkbook, magazine subscriptions, etc) as they popped up.

Businesses don’t need your legal name in almost all cases, so who cares if I still get mail addressed to my maiden name? It really was not an arduous task to switch surnames.