Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

+1

I would directly ask the person what they were doing and say you saw them at the grocery store. Just be direct. Make them squirm.

Why would they squirm? They might well have had another commitment pre or post grocery store. Or they had planned/scheduled grocery shopping because that worked with their schedule or they needed something by a particular date/time and that was the only time they could go. OP is literally mad because they said they had plans/were busy but she doesn't like the words they used.

No they lied and misrepresented that they had plans when they didn’t. They should be confronted for their lies

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing an obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.

I don’t tell people because I don’t want to hurt feelings. Like friend invites me over but I want to stay home and organize the pantry. It is mundane and so I say I have a prior commitment. I don’t want to send the impression that I’d rather sit at home and be boring instead of hanging out with you. Just trying not to hurt feelings.

It sounds like you don’t like that friend then, if you are prioritizing pantry over getting together. OP was saying her friend berates her for not inviting her over

See, this is why people like PP are vague. I might really like someone, but also have a household task that needs to get done and the block of time they ask about is the only stretch of time I can do it. I wouldn't tell someone I'm declining an invitation to organize my pantry or buy food to avoid that assumption.

That must be a last minute invite right? I totally get it if your friend asks you to come hang out today or this weekend and you already had that block of time blocked off as pantry time and come up with a white lie. OTOH if your friend asked to make plans for three weeks later on Saturday and you cited a prior commitment when you just want to organize the pantry or go food shopping, that would be kind of weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing an obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.

I don’t tell people because I don’t want to hurt feelings. Like friend invites me over but I want to stay home and organize the pantry. It is mundane and so I say I have a prior commitment. I don’t want to send the impression that I’d rather sit at home and be boring instead of hanging out with you. Just trying not to hurt feelings.

It sounds like you don’t like that friend then, if you are prioritizing pantry over getting together. OP was saying her friend berates her for not inviting her over

See, this is why people like PP are vague. I might really like someone, but also have a household task that needs to get done and the block of time they ask about is the only stretch of time I can do it. I wouldn't tell someone I'm declining an invitation to organize my pantry or buy food to avoid that assumption.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

+1

I would directly ask the person what they were doing and say you saw them at the grocery store. Just be direct. Make them squirm.

Why would they squirm? They might well have had another commitment pre or post grocery store. Or they had planned/scheduled grocery shopping because that worked with their schedule or they needed something by a particular date/time and that was the only time they could go. OP is literally mad because they said they had plans/were busy but she doesn't like the words they used.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing an obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.

I don’t tell people because I don’t want to hurt feelings. Like friend invites me over but I want to stay home and organize the pantry. It is mundane and so I say I have a prior commitment. I don’t want to send the impression that I’d rather sit at home and be boring instead of hanging out with you. Just trying not to hurt feelings.

It sounds like you don’t like that friend then, if you are prioritizing pantry over getting together. OP was saying her friend berates her for not inviting her over

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is "I have a prior commitment" any different "Im busy"? That is literally the same thing? Why are you making drama out of nothing?

I can't speak for OP but prior commitment sounds a bit extra when referring to grocery shopping which isn't a fixed appointment. If I used that as my reason to decline and then ran into the person at the grocery store I would be embarrassed. I wouldn't be embarrassed if I said I was busy or had stuff to do.

+1

I would directly ask the person what they were doing and say you saw them at the grocery store. Just be direct. Make them squirm.

Anonymous wrote:I previously mentioned that I don't inquire about personal details or gossip, and I didn't seek any information. I became aware of their grocery trip because they greeted me at the store. I'm consulting DCUM because I'm frustrated and uncertain how to handle this person when I can't entirely cut off contact.

Moving forward, I'll probably value easy-going individuals much more. I believe the issue lies with me for being consistently gracious and polite without ever addressing this person's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I previously mentioned that I don't inquire about personal details or gossip, and I didn't seek any information. I became aware of their grocery trip because they greeted me at the store. I'm consulting DCUM because I'm frustrated and uncertain how to handle this person when I can't entirely cut off contact.

Moving forward, I'll probably value easy-going individuals much more. I believe the issue lies with me for being consistently gracious and polite without ever addressing this person's behavior.