Anonymous
Post 01/10/2024 15:29     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:What is this?

We get together with DH’s family once every month or two, and every single time BIL’s family is late by 30 minutes - 1 hour, and sometimes more.

Most recently, I booked a table for us around Christmas at a nice restaurant. (This was planned months in advance.) MIL came in and said that one half of the family - mom and kid 1 - would be there about 45 minutes late, and the other half - dad and kid 2 - wouldn’t make it. Neither texted me nor my husband, who planned the gathering. Mom did not apologize at all when she got there.

What is this? These are two adults in their 40s with full-time jobs, so presumably they are able to manage their time in that context. I think it’s extremely rude and it makes me want to exclude them.


Wasn’t this posted some months ago?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2024 13:08     Subject: Re:BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Is there something going on with one of the children of which you are not aware? That they don't transition easily or even with foreplanning?

How is their relationship? Could there be stress there about coming to see you all?
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2024 10:44     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
I have a friend like this. I give them an earlier time if we must have a reservation. And I offer to host more so it doesn’t matter if she’s late. That only works because it’s one person and she fits in with our family so it isn’t extra work for me.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 20:30     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:I have a brother like that and my parents were the total opposite. They were always on time or early - dad was career military. It drove everyone nuts, especially my parents. We started telling my brother to be at places 30 minutes before everyone else arrived. If he was running super late, we started dinner without him. It was still annoying, but his chronic lateness didn't affect us as much.


Pp with late brother who drove my on-time dad insane. My dad was also career military. I always wondered if it was a rebellion against my dad's punctuality.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2024 20:26     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh this is my DH’s sibling and his family. And MIL won’t move ahead without them so everything gets held up, she gets pissy, and they roll in whenever TF they want. I hate it.


My MIL will actually propose we reschedule if The Flakes decide to cancel or come separately or suddenly can't make it before 45 minutes late.

I'm always the one saying, nope, that doesn't work. We're all here already so let's move ahead. Maddening.


"The Flakes"--love it!
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2024 14:39     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
I have a brother like that and my parents were the total opposite. They were always on time or early - dad was career military. It drove everyone nuts, especially my parents. We started telling my brother to be at places 30 minutes before everyone else arrived. If he was running super late, we started dinner without him. It was still annoying, but his chronic lateness didn't affect us as much.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2024 13:01     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Start telling them the event/dinner starts an hour or 30 min. before the actual start time. If they can't be on time you start without them.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2024 16:03     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Yes. Late to everything. Even 20 minutes late to MILs funeral. Not kidding.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2024 15:55     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
By BIL is the same! I started showing up purposely late knowing their family would as well. It drives me crazy but at least doesn't waste as much time.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2024 15:40     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:Ugh this is my DH’s sibling and his family. And MIL won’t move ahead without them so everything gets held up, she gets pissy, and they roll in whenever TF they want. I hate it.


My MIL will actually propose we reschedule if The Flakes decide to cancel or come separately or suddenly can't make it before 45 minutes late.

I'm always the one saying, nope, that doesn't work. We're all here already so let's move ahead. Maddening.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2024 10:59     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:Wait where are all the “oh cut him some slack he clearly has ADHD and executive function issues he’s allowed to be late his life is SOOOOO HARD” people??


+1

SIL is excused in DH's family, but not anyone else. Pathetic enabling, is what it is. And RUDE.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2024 10:04     Subject: BIL and family are ALWAYS late
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My brother is like this. He might have undiagnosed ADHD. Ever since he started driving, he's been late. It drove my dad insane but his friends accept it because he's charismatic and generous once he shows up. U deal with it by sticking to our schedule. We order, eat, settle the tab and leave on time. If he wants to hang out and open his own tab with whomever remains, that's on him.


+1
I married into a family like this. I follow my MiL when we visit them for a week overseas.
She has notes on what to turn off or double check on the wall if every room.

75% of thr time we leave late or have to return home for something for FIL or single BIL.
They don’t eat out it’s just too much. fIL harasses the waitstaff with a billion questions or condiment requests and then can barely cut his steak in slow motion.
He also can’t drive but doesn’t let MiL drive so we’re praying the whole drive as people pass us left and right as we go 20 mph under the speed limit.

We tried taking them to the Caribbean once and that backfired. They lack energy to do anything and prefer to stay in the condo and make lentil stew for four hours! They can’t handle new things; they need their annual family visit and just sit and veg in their homeland condo or their own house or our house.


What does your story about your in laws have to do with the OP?


Sounds like an ADHD thing where the grandparents are always covering for the deficiencies.

Like why would the late family now coming separately only call or whatever the old matriarch instead of texting everyone their new stupid plan? Marital problems? problems adulting?

My mom would have said Stay home if you’re 45 mins and 90 mins late. Not passed along the news like la di dah.


+1

Lots of enabling to unravel in OP’s H family.

Not worth the effort or thought, write them off already.